I've posted on here regarding a girl I've worked with, I've moved on from that, but in doing so it's brought up an old subject. There's been a girl I've known for roughly 3 years now and there's never been a situation where she hasn't been in the back of my head. Of course with that much time there has to be a story so I'll tell it, but if you want cliffs skip on ahead. We met years ago due to a common interest in cars, we met through a board and chatted and one night decided to meet up. If I recall correctly I made a joke about seeing if I'd get a blowjob for having to go out in the cold to get there and she told me I'd get a handjob if I came. So i got dressed and drove over rather late, we watched movies and talked and I ended up sleeping with, but nothing sexual ever occurred. That was a particularly long break because I was going abroad the coming semester and it seemed just about every night I was over there watching movies and drinking with her, we just had a good time and each time I'd sleep there with her in the same bed, again nothing sexual. Thing is, she's never let anyone sleep with her in the same bed unless they were in a relationship...except for me (and I don't think she was lying there, she's never lied to me). Fast forward to last winter, I was home again. Now in the time span from when I originally met her and that winter she had been through 2 relationships. One ended particularly badly and I was her 'emotional crutch' through it which made her begin to trust me immensely. We'd talk all the time online and occasionally call each other, but it was primarily platonic. Last winter, however, when I was home we hung out a lot more. By that time it was common for me to give her a backrub or something before we'd go to bed. One particular night we were both pretty drunk and she was completely naked when I was massaging her whole body, but it didn't feel necessarily sexual. When I was done and crawled back in bed we'd cuddle like usual, but while I was absolutely attracted to her and couldn't help but admire how gorgeous she was. Now I had already lost my virginity by this point, so it wasn't a virginity thing, but I just didn't want to have sex with her at that point. It just wasn't what I wanted at that moment and neither did she. It was the next morning that I realized I never sleep as well as I do when I'm with her. After that particular instance it became normal for me to give her a backrub and then we'd go to bed with a kiss and that was it. I should note here that she's not that sexual of a person. She'll openly admit that she's a freak when she is in the mood (I've seen her 'sex drawer') but it isn't all that often. She's overwhelmingly concerned about STIs and getting pregnant, so she doesn't sleep around and I don't have any doubts here. Again, she's never lied. This past summer before I left to come here (London) I asked her whether or not she had feelings for me. I asked her if I had kissed her right that moment whether or not she'd feel anything for me. She responded, honestly as always, that if it had been that past winter she would have, but at that moment she'd feel nothing. She ended it by saying she had decided she was going to stay relationship free for the time being and just get done with school so she could move on to other things. Now we come to the present. We've talked sporadically while I've been here in London and it seems she's starting to feel for me again. She sent me an honesty box message on Facebook (she admitted that it was her) that said she missed me being around. She took and sent me pictures since I said I didn't have any and she absolutely hates being in pictures. She'll always drop me little messages and whatnot saying she just wanted to say "hi" or that there was something that made her think of me. I thus, obviously, can't help but think that despite her saying this summer that she felt nothing for me (which is why I pursued the idea of that relationship with the girl I work with because I felt there was nothing for me with this girl) that she again does. If she does I have no idea how to answer to it. I know her extremely well on a personal and emotional level and I can read right through anything she says usually, but on something like this I just don't know. How do I feel? This is the only girl I've ever met outside of my family that I feel I could trust. I have huge loyalty issues, I'm able to admit that to myself, because I've seen just how most women are when it comes to the real test of 'committed relationships'. I'm not a fling sorta guy, I like a bonafide committed attempt at trying to be with someone. I've always felt that if I did get together with her that it would work out and that there was tons of potential. The thing is I just don't know how to address it because we've both admitted that we didn't think a long-distance relationship would work too well. Cliffs: 1. Girl I've known for 3 years 2. We met online, sex was on the menu, I ordered differently 3. She's been in 2 relationships since last winter 4. The last relationship ended badly which I became the 'emotional crutch' for and established a lot of trust between us. 5. We became close on an intimate level last winter (06-07) 6. She admitted this past summer that she felt something for me in the winter but now wasn't the right time because she wasn't feeling it. 7. She's giving me a vibe of interest now 8. I care about this girl to a level I can't quite find words for and trust her without equivocation (I have trust issues). 9. What do I do? I thus submit this to the ideas and ponderings of The Asylum.