When I was 17 I started dating this girl Jessica. We actually both started dating at the same time that we gave our lives to God and became Christians. I was the heathen bad boy trying to turn for good, and she has been good her whole life. She never drank, smoked and was still a virgin. It was a special relationship because it was the first one in which I actually respected the girl and tried to honor God and live in purity. We had physical boundaries, we prayed together, we even had a Bible verse together: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." I LOVED her with all my heart, and all my strength. I took every verse of the above and tried to honor her with that. It lasted two and a half years but then she went away to College to St. Cloud State University. She totally changed and got a tattoo, dyed her hair all black, just started to rebel in little ways. I didn't care, honestly I thought the black hair was sexy. But we started to spend less time together as I was working full time at a computer company, and she found some new friends there. One night she told me that she got drunk at some party and passed out in this guy's dorm. That was quite a shock, and I wanted to protect her from the dangers of that lifestyle, the things that I had once experienced myself. Well eventually she started to say that we didn't have much in common, and that she didn't know if we were meant to be together. Then one day she just up and said that God told her we weren't meant to be together. I couldn't believe it, but I knew that I couldn't tell her it was wrong, or say anything against what she thought was God's word. So we broke up and I was really hurt, I couldn't even talk to her. It was like this beautiful seemingly perfect relationship had been destroyed and I couldn't understand WHY. Why would she turn on me and just leave?! Well that was in February. Since then she got a new boyfriend at College and she's back in town for summer. I was hanging out with some mutual friends today and she was there. I was just sitting in a chair a few feet away as she was talking with one of her friends. Not even trying to listen I hear her begin to tell a story of how her boyfriend's Mom caught them in the act of sex. At that moment when she said that it was like 1,000 knives just ripped through my insides. I couldn't breathe, I just wanted to puke. It wasn't jealousy, anger, disgust or anything it was just pure SADNESS. I went outside obviously a little upset and a friend followed me because If you knew me you would know that nothing disturbs me, not even death. I explained to him what happened and he just said "It's her choice man." He was right. There's nothing I can do to help her, or change her. It's like the discovery channel when the lion pwns the gazzell. The reason it hit me so hard is because I totally changed my life around the time we first met. We grew up as Christians together and we both based our relationship on purity, and Godly love. It was like she had become a part of me, almost fused to my soul. Even though we have been apart for quite a while it was like that part was just finally ripped out of me. I haven't ever felt this much anguish over anything before, and this is like 6 months later. It feels like the pain is beyond simple love, it was a spiritual link that was broken at the same time. So I sit here now, totally shocked and amazed. The only thing I can do is take my pain and turn it into conviction and passion for my own faith and seeking the truth.