I used to date him some 20-odd years ago. He asked me to marry him back then. I said no, partly because at the time he drank a lot and partly because I wanted my freedom and to explore the world. 20 years. Long time. He stayed true to himself, quit drinking, cleaned up his act and has 2 more years to go before he has his 35 years in as a mailman and can retire. He never got married. In those 20 years we kept in touch through letters, birthday cards and the occassional phone call. In those 20 years I travelled abroad, continued my education, love, lost, melted down, and experienced the good, the bad and the ugly...more bad and ugly I should think. I recently hooked up wih him again last August. It was as if we had seen each other just 20 seconds ago and it was as comfortable as an old pair of slippers. We found we could trust one another, share our secrets, laugh our fool heads off and I smile and just feel so damned good when I am with him. I went and stayed with him at his house for 2 weeks in September. He opened a drawer in his desk and every card and letter I had sent him for the past 20 years was in it. I was speechless and I also realized this man cares for me a lot. Since September he has called me every single day even though he lives over 1,800 miles away. He came and stayed with me during the Holidays. It was wonderful. He asked me to move in with him and I am going to throw caution to the wind, and, in April, at 52 years old,I'm going to pack up myself and my 4 cats and move 1,800 miles be with someone I adore and who adores me back. If there is one thing I have learned in my time on this planet, nothing is certain and then I think, hey, I am 52, he's 54, we know the score, I know he'll take good care of me and I of him. I won't have a caddy and a fur coat, but I will have a warm parka and reliable transportation with him. Most importantly, we both are aware of one another's foibles and know there will be a period of adjustment. Moreover, we love one another...not the breathless love that one experiences when the world is viewed through rose-tinted glasses and life is very heady. However I think love can be quiet, strong, and companionable. Giving up my lucrative job, my house, the ocean, and starting a new life at 52, landlocked with someone I love, scares me to death and I cannot figure out why.