but i keep deleting everything i write. im not happy. i dont know how to describe it. I dont know whats wrong. I dont know whats bothering me. I had a great weekend with my friends, i did pretty well on my midterm today, i have nothing to really worry about. i have a good job, im not rich but i have enough money to get by. its like im prone to depression because im used to being that way from childhood. My parents dont even bother me anymore on the occasions that we talk. My dad can still be an asshole but, i mean, he has no affect on me right now so its not him. i feel underrated. i feel like i have a lot of good qualities that nobody ever seems to notice, and a few weaknesses that almost everyone judges me by. but thats not really it either now that i think about it...because other people's opinions dont really matter to me in that sense. i should just be happy with myself because i enjoy the things i do...not because they impress someone else. is anybody out there happy? i mean really? even if i become a complete success with what I love doing, will that mean that i'll be happy from then on? what is happy? Is it just being able to live through everyday without worry? Is it getting up in the morning and looking forward to everything you do? Why is it, at the end of a good day where I got lots done, that I go to bed wanting something else...not even knowing what that something else is? I mean...i've lived up to the promises i made to myself when i was younger. I got to a good university. My major is truly one of my peak interests. Im in pretty good shape, and so is my life. so why isn't my mind? and one last thing: dont recommend me pills.