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Mithrandir

Mithrandir

Banned
Feb 21, 2011
33,765
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gts24

hurfdurf
OT Supporter
Apr 26, 2002
3,620
null0
I'm sure she will settle out of court. She can't pay a lawyer.

she'll let loose with some crocodile tears and the judge will let her plea bargain i'm sure. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she has some family backing that will bail her out (metaphorically speaking of course).

All these dumb 20s club rats have rich family that keeps sheltering them from having to deal with the reality of their mistakes. :coolugh:
 

m4m4 l0n9

w0rf!
Oct 23, 2001
153,042
FIVE THOUSAND POSTS!!!

LAUREN SPARKS! THIS...IS YOUR LIFE!

Once upon a time Lauren was a very young, hot, skinny teenager who liked to hang out with douchebags.

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You could bounce a quarter off that ass.

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Men everywhere wanted to fuck her.

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Lauren was very innocent and thought she would be pretty forever.

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Then one day something unexpected happened...Lauren started to get OLDER.

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A few months later...LAUREN DISCOVERED ALCOHOL

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Soon she was on her way to drinking and partying almost every night in Dallas, looking for a very sexy 30s white balla and posting dumb shit online.

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She continued to fraternize with douchebags, unaware they just wanted her pussy.

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But she didnt care, she was having FUNNNNNNNNNN

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Lauren drink, fucked, sucked and partied her way through life, working in sales and at mall kiosks. She thought she was invincible. Then, her body began to change...

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All the drinking and 2 am taco bell started to catch up to lauren...

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Her dresses started to groan in protest...

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Her shorts complained of her expanding buttocks

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At the pool, she was no longer the hottest bitch

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Lauren was definitely getting chubby.

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BUT SHE DIDNT CARE! SHE WAS HAVING FUNNNNN

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Lauren's ass got fatter and fatter, and working out didnt help

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But she could still hang out with Ron Jeremy!

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SHE WAS FAT! AND HAVING FUNNNNNN

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Then one day Lauren decided she wanted to be thin again.

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It was time to move her big fat clubbing ass

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Slowly she started to lose weight.

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Oh, she still found time to party, for sure!

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And shop...

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But it was working...she was going to snag a very sexy 30s white balla if she had to run 10 miles a day...

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Then something wonderful happened!

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LAUREN WASN'T SUCH A STUPID FAT SLUT ANYMORE!

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SHE GOT A SWEET NEW JOB

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Lauren's very sexy 30s white balla is coming any day now, she knows it.

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Until he sweeps her off her feet, she's gonna keep partying, though.

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SHE'S WAY TOO GOOD TO BE SINGLE, BROS!

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Greatest. Cliffs. Ever. :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:
 

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