I didn't realize how much my emotions hurt people until my SO decided he wanted to take a break. All my life, I've been a pretty private person because I'm afraid to get too close to people for fear of getting hurt. I don't tell people how I feel. I never cry. If I have problems or issues, instead of telling people about them, I'll call my friends to get them to distract me from my issues instead of talking to them about it. I've lost close friends because I thought it was easier to cut them out of my life than telling them what was wrong. Then I met my SO a little over a year ago. We got along perfectly. However, when things bothered me, I never let him know. I figured they were little things and not worth mentioning because I didn't want to cause any issues to arise. I kept them bottled up inside me and I just shut everything and everyone out. It's almost like giving someone the cold shoulder, only it feels a lot worse. It's like I alienate them and don't acknowledge their existence. I just clam up and when he talks to me I'm very soft spoken and only give single word answers or use as little words as possible. That's when he knows there's something wrong because when I'm okay, I'm a happy-go-lucky, bubbly, always smiling person. He'll then ask me what's wrong and I won't tell him or I'll pretend everything is fine. A few hours or a day or so pass by and that's when I decide to tell him what's wrong. I didn't know that when I do this, it affects him too. He started to feel the effects of my cold shoulder attitude and it made him a miserable person. He eventually got fed up with my attitude and decided he wanted to take a break. He's not the only one I've done it too. I did it to one of my best college friends because I felt like she wronged me in some way so I just stopped talking to her and anyone associated with her. I care for him a lot and I want this relationship to work. Also, I don't want to lose anymore friends. I've lost some really good friends because I felt it was easier to alienate them than talk about the problems. I've alienated my sisters. I know I need to to learn to control my emotions and not get so riled up about things and to just let the unimportant things go. I don't know where to begin or what I should do. Please help. I've seriously considered going to a counselor or some kind of professional to get help, yet they're so expensive that I'm hoping maybe I can find the answers online.