LGBT Long-Term Gay Relationships

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by NOVAJock, May 13, 2005.

  1. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Oct 31, 2002
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    Nowhere in particular
    If you had a chance to sit down and talk to a gay couple, regardless of male or female, that had been together for 10+ years, what questions would you want to ask them as they relate to making a gay LTR work?

    What questions or concerns do you have about making a gay LTR work successfully?

    What are some of your fears about entering into a gay LTR and making it work?

    What differences do you see between making a gay LTR work and a straight LTR work?
  2. mamoru

    mamoru Active Member

    Mar 13, 2002
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    New York Shitty
    I know a few couples who are in LTR's, but I have yet to sit down and have the "talk" with them, since they all work in different ways...

    First, allow me to say, I don't ask them because I'm in the phase of admiration, where I can sit back and look at them, and admire how they've been together.

    First, I'd like to ask how they met...most likely it wasn't at a club, but you never know!

    Then I'd ask about how they knew they were for one another - or, what is it about each other that made them realize they were meant to be together for so long.

    I want to know about the bumps in the road...the fights, the drama, etc. How did they bypass all that, and continue to love eachother. Have they ever been unfaithful? How do they deal with unfaithful desires.

    My biggest fear is being cheated on. I'm fairly reasonable. If I feel a relationship dying out, I'm willing to do what it takes to reignite the passion, meaning, sitting and talking about how we feel. I am capable of handling "I'm loosing an attraction towards you...what can we do?" type of speech. But to go behind my back and sleep with someone else and live a lie. I'd be devistated.

    I would like to one day be in a LTR, and ultimately, one day, a marriage. I've got a lot to give someone, and I want someone to share that with me. I don't even date just to date, I date in hopes of finding someone to settle with. If someone doesn't tickle my fancy from the start, I don't pursue it. One of my flaws...but eh.

    I see little difference between straight and gay LTR's. You still need to plan the reception party, the guests, etc. You still need to work out finances together. You still need to be open and honest together. You still need to love one another unconditionally. Sometimes, you'll even decide on what's best for a child. Human relationships are both the same - in these times though, it may be harder to take criticism in a gay relationship because of a large amount of the society not understanding that gay relationships consist of two humans who have feelings for one another - so it creates a stress if they vacation or tread on territory that is unfamiliar with that.
  3. CoCo

    CoCo a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Jan 14, 2004
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    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...
    Reading over Mamoru's list, I see a lot of similarities in what I'd want to know... I'd ask the 'how you met?", "was it luv at first suck, er sight?", "Open VS Closed: feelings on building and keeping a strong relationship?", "do you ever feel that the passion is fleeting; if so, does it matter?", "how much separation does a relationship need to not burn itself out?", "how do your friends relate to your relationship?", and "do you seem to fall into stereotypical gender roles; if so, does that really matter?".

  4. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Oct 5, 2001
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    Western MA
    Can we make this work for the duration and not get bored?
    Can we keep the spark?
    What happens when the sex life wanes and it becomes more of a partnership and a pair of best friends who have sex occassionally? (not that this is a bad thing?)

    None. Seriously, none. Relationships are difficult, regardless of plumbing.

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