I feel like this going to be more of a blog looking for perspectives and not me asking for advice so here we go. Preface: Myself and my current GF/Exish/Woman thing met 2 years 2 months ago through a friend that went to my HS. She lived in a town 30min away and both of our towns were small. I had run out of girls I was even remotely attracted to that weren’t way out of me league and had moved on to just partying with Gainesville and Jacksonville girls. She wasn’t too confident with herself when it came to guys but when I saw her I thought she was damn cute. I wont go into details but my main reaction was "damn." Needless to say we ended up together through a series of fortunate events. We helped each other through the last 2 years of high school and she helped me move off to college first and she came down to be with me and go to a community college near me. The Trouble: When I got to college I got involved with the wakeboard club and found some friends that I connected with past buddies from high school. I started to become over infatuated with the wakeboard club and its projects. I started skateboarding again and no sooner than later my GF/exish/woman thing was learning on my board. So, for our two year anniversary I let her pick out the board she wanted. Any board in sector 9's array of boards. She (and I) fall in love with one. It is a fiber flex like mine only shorter and much better graphics. About 3 and 1/2 weeks ago we went to St. Pete to play around on my buddies Diesel X-Star (Really nice wakeboard boat) and she came along. This was the last time I really paid attention to her in a way that showed her I am still myself. The next day she had work but I stayed in St. Pete to get some riding done. On my drive back to her house afterwards I got a call from my mom and found out that my grandmother had cancer in her ovaries and her uterus and there is a chance she may not make it. She already had breast cancer and this cancer was in its 3rd stage. I didn’t want to put and emotional burden on the GF/ex/woman thing so I didn’t tell the GF/ex/woman thing but this weighed heavy on my heart. I wanted to tell her but didnt because she was stressing about college and financial aid and rent and food and everything else. To get my mind off of finals and all the rest of the bullshit I started to work on this broken down boat. I like working on things, it clears my mind. The problem is, when she came to my dorm for the three days before I had to go home for Xmas, I blew her off for a few hours (each day) to work on this boat. She had no idea why I was pushing her away and why I wasn’t being me. Fastforward to the Saturday after I leave and she meets some douche-canoe on myspace and he sees that she skates. All of her friends go to USF and most have already gone home for Christmas so she hangs out with him, her roommate, and some other dude she met in Tampa that goes to her school. They all go skating. I don’t know the whole story but I feel like this dude was being a hotshot and she was just feeding right back into it. In less than a week after I am back home I know something is up so I call her on it and find out about this guy. Instantly, my world was shattered. I didn’t sleep, I haven’t ate, and I have a dagger poking me right in my sternum. She tells me that something has happened to me and that this guy makes her happy like I used to. This among other things, all of which are me repackaged in a taller, more twiggy version. She came up here for Christmas with her family. She stopped by my house on her way and I gave her two cards (took two to write down half of what I needed to tell her) a dozen flowers with yellow garnishing (her favorite color) and a CD with songs that I would say describes us. The one song that I told her to listen to was john Mayer, not myself. She had told me she might want me to spend the night and she might not. She said it was hard when she was at my house but by the time she got to her house she wanted me over. I went over and we talked she comforted me and I comforted her and we ended up sleeping together, no sex, no real kissing, cuddling. I watched her sleep a lot that night and couldn’t hold back my tears. Christmas day we get up and open presents. I get the usual from her mom and little brother, mountain dew and carmello bars. She got money, gas cards, and a few other small things. A few times that day we kissed and it ended up open mouth but she was stop like she wanted to keep going but couldn’t. That night we went to her grandma's house and had dinner and saw the rest of her family. That morning I found out she was too strapped for cash to get everyone nice Christmas cards. I made her sign her name on the cards I had gotten for everyone in her family so they wouldn’t feel left out. I didn’t tell anyone, it may seem small but cards are a big thing for her family. After dinner she started to act weird. Her uncle finally broke down and asked my perspective on the whole situation and then went in and told her something. I didn’t ask, I don’t want to know, but I knew he was probably doing the devils work trying to help me out. When we got back to her house (Signifig's) we sat down and started to watch TV. She had already open mouth kissed me twice so just kissed her on the lips to see if she would respond in a good manner, she didn’t. She told me not to kiss her on the lips anymore, cheeks and neck only. I asked why and she was reluctant. I finally got it out of her that she had committed herself to his other guy and didn’t find it right. How ironic, she didn’t have any problem doing it to her boyfriend of two years. She was torn up inside when she said it, like she didn’t want it to be true anymore. However, I went into a trance. I don’t remember how I got all of my shit packed and was in the truck trying to start it to leave. I do remember thinking the parking brake was the clutch and it wouldn’t start. I had forgotten my pillow so I ran inside and just seeing the house where I grew to love her made my legs weak and I couldn’t make it up into my truck. She helped me while asking me to stay. I told her I couldn’t stay there but I couldn’t drive my truck. As pain turned to anger I lashed out at her once and she started to walk away. I beeped the horn at her and she came back. She helped me walk inside and laid me down. I wanted to die there on the couch. I finally got around to talking to her but I was still in that trance and I don’t remember much of the conversation. I just remember waking up in her lap and her bringing me to bed with her. While in the bed I kept her warm. I was constantly massaging her body and if I found a cold part I would rub it until it was warm. I grabbed her boobs a few time unintentionally and she didn’t say anything about it. She grabbed my....a few times and asked why it was hard. I told her because it hadn’t been used in over a week and I am in bed with a beautiful girl. She jokingly rolled over. This sort of flirting continued until the morning. Neither of us got a lot of sleep so it was on and off throughout the night. In the morning she made me cereal and I ate for the 3rd time since it all started. Her mom made me a grilled cheese and I ate for the 4th. Everything was going good but I was hurting bad inside knowing that she was soon to head back to Tampa, possibly to him. I also knew that I was unofficially uninvited to her aunt's new years party so the other guy can come. Mostly because her family wanted to meet him, hopefully to kill him, put his feet in cement, and drop him in the bottom of a deep pond. Nah, I wouldn’t wish that on the guy, but her family is Italian and they considered me part of it. As we were leaving I asked if she wanted to go skating with me back at my home home, she was having a problem that doesn’t need to be mentioned where moving her legs around hurts. So I asked if I could go to the Oaks mall in Gainesville with her, and she said yes, she wanted me to. It was probably the most lonely drive following her down there and when we got there I was in pain. We went to the bathrooms so we both could pee and I washed my eyes out, put on my game face, and showed her the real me while we were shopping. It felt like we were falling in love again. I don’t know how, I was already in love with her and her with me (as best I know), but it was happening. I was feeding her goofy pickup lines when she would put on something that looked good, I was joking with her about how I am into crazy rocker chicks now as I jokingly walked into hot topic, I even went to A&F, American Eagle, and Aero with her. Girls were looking at us/her like jealous much. She got the douche canoe some cheap hat at pac sun and I got her new roxy slippers. She thought she was paying for them, pfft. I've got money in the bank, shorty what you drank? Make it rain on dem hos, so on and so forth. I grabbed onto them and flexed my Schwarzenegger like muscles so she couldn’t get them back. She thought I was putting them back because she didn’t need to be spending that much money on slippers, she was content with that because she was stressing to make rent this month. Her face lit up when I walked to the register. Then we went to Don Pablos. The Don Pablos where I first talked to her one on one that night I met her, outside on the bench as her friends went inside to pee. The Don Pablos where she took care of me after my shoulder injections for a torn rotor cuff. We ordered two drinks and the appetizer sampler and neither of us could eat. I started feeling sick because I knew what was coming within the next 45min and I think she did too. She tried to show me up by eating, but by the time we made it to her car she was empty. I held her hair and wiped her mouth and did all of the boyfriendly things. I gave her my gatoraid out of my truck to wash her mouth out. We said our sorrowful goodbyes and she kissed me on the lips every single time. She came back 5 times to say good bye again. She called me to say good bye 10min down the interstate. She called me when she was halfway there. She called me when she got to her work to check her schedule. As of right now I am carrying on like we are still together. I am not going to alienate her from me yet. I am hoping she sees that the other guy she is with cant giver her the happiness or the life I give her. I don’t like to shit talk but I want to so if you don’t want to read it don’t read the next paragraph. What I gather about this guy is that he has never really worked. I was a military brat, but I was a navy brat. This kid is an airforce brat. As far as I know he isn’t going to college nor does he have the ambition to go to college. Through the grape vine I hear he is thinking about joining for that 6 year signing bonus and living off of that fantastic E1 salary and subsidized living expenses. I am all for joining the military but come on, the peons in the airforce, army, and navy aren’t actually going somewhere. She says she feels intimidated by me sometimes because I am "smarter than her" (book smart, maybe) so I ask if she is correcting by going an equal amount of distance in the other direction. Thanks for reading, I know it was long as hell.