SRS Losing my love - copy from RTR

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SkyLeach, May 8, 2005.

  1. SkyLeach

    SkyLeach Guest

    My wife has been suffering from pain for a long time due to many surgeries when she was young. (Long story very short: she has no arms or legs due to thalidomide).

    She has been taking obscene amount of pain medicine. She is prescribed 60x40mg oxicodone, 60x20mg oxicodone, 30x10mg percocet and 350-500 50mg soma per month. I don't know how much acetaminophen she takes, but it's not trivial. This bothers me for several reasons.

    First, it makes her stupid. It doesn't take a genius to know that I didn't marry her for her body (duh, she has tits and ass and a beautiful face but nothing else). After four kids even less so. Sometimes she is so out of it that she drools on herself and falls off the toilet. Sometimes she flat knocks herself out. This puts undue strain on our relationship. Even when she isn't nearly incoherent her reasoning skills are "teh shit". She goes off on nothing, doesn't understand simple explanations, etc...

    I have talked to her about this and she get's very offended at my explanations of why it's a problem. She accuses me of being mean to her because I think she's stupid. I try to explain that I never ever called her stupid or even thought that she was less intelligent than me before her addiction.

    In order to understand her better, I intentionally allowed myself to become addicted to pain medicine (partially with her knowledge). I took some oxicontin and some percocet and some hydrocodone (whatever I could get) for about 3 months straight.

    Withdrawals were a bitch; make no mistake. There were times when I wanted to climb out of my own skin. I couldn't take interest in my work or my family. I would get irrationally angry about the smallest things. But I knew before I started to expect problems and I knew that I had no desire to be on anything for the rest of my life. Keeping your mind fixed on your real desire will often help one overcome temporary temptation. I think turning away from her medicine when she has it was the hardest test of my will with the possible exception of sexual temptation once before while I was married.

    The thing is, after all of this, I can only conclude that I would rather have my wife in pain and lucid than mostly out of pain and stupid as an average doorstop. I don't know if this is selfish or not. Certainly part of my motive is selfish. When I accepted her vows of marrage the acceptance itself was selfish.

    I know that she will never quit as long as she has the option of taking the pain medicine. I know she will be in pain without it. But this isn't life in my estimation. She's nearly an imbecile. I'm trying not to be mean to her, but she disgusts me. I have little interest in sex unless she is completely lucid and that is rare. When we do have sex I feel more like I'm making love to an animal than the woman I love.

    What can I do? She's an addict with a reason to be one.:wtc:
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

    Jan 11, 2002
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    Wow man, heavy. I can't offer much, but I would say the one thing I would do is this: Speak to her doctor about what you just told us. Maybe there are alternatives in medications, procedures, etc?
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Im not saying the Weisman treatment is something for your wife.

    However , if i where you i would go to a renowned specialist dealing with pain killer addictions and ask his/her opinion on possible treatments.

    IMHO i would make a shift in her addiction , by replacing the addictive pain killers with non-addictive pain killers. You will just have to throw out the addict out of the house, and give her the other pills when she starts begging. It will be a restraint on your relationship, and im not sure how much you can endure, but it would be better to replace and go thru that on the long run, then staying in the situation where you are now. So the focus should be on New Non-Addictive Pain treatment.

    I think you have a lot of work to do to bring your wife out of her state of delirium ,and working back towards a situation of managable proportions. I must warn you that she will probably try to 'bite' you and be very nasty against you, which is a side effect of the addiction which you constantly will have to take in aspect when she is detoxicating from it. Don't see your wife as a burden, try to spend quality time along with her. Take her outside and do some romantic stuff again to breathe new life in the situation. And basically getting her 'out' of the situation that she is in, is where the focus should lie.

    Also, your problem requires a very very specialized approuch. Proper Treatment for Anti-Pain killing addiction is a very develloping stream of medical practice. Therefore it is vital that you get the best the latest and most specialized treatment for your wife thats available out there.

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