SRS Love with two?

Ignited

Well-Known Member
Mar 5, 2007
10,969
Philly/NJ
Do you think it is possible to be in LOVE(real love) with two people at the same time? I'm talking relationship with SO love.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
in the right situation yes it is.

if you got to know two people before falling in love with either one its very possible to then fall in love w. both at the same time.

on the other hand if you loved girl A and then met some other chick and fell in love w. her then did you ever truly love A? probably not... or you could just be infatuated (sp?) w. the new girl and are mistaken it for love.
 

uneek

OT Supporter
Dec 14, 2003
11,994
I think if you love someone then you should act on that love by not harboring feelings for other people. I'm not saying it's not possible, just that it's not a loving thing to do.
 
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Ignited

Ignited

Well-Known Member
Mar 5, 2007
10,969
Philly/NJ
My situation is as follows:

Been with a girl for 4 1/2 years and were very much in love. We broke up 4 months back and went our separate ways, shes with another guy and just moved in with him(in under 4 months). I'm dating a girl for the past 2 1/2 months and care for her but not love her yet.
My ex has kept contact with me the entire time, saying that she cares for me and loves me. She wants things to work out and for us to eventually get back together, but to me its like taking one step forward and two steps back. Her actions and words are two different things. I asked her to explain that to me and she says that she loves both of us... I told her to fuck off with that bullshit and I'm not gonna be a backup to her imminent failure of a relationship. But it irks me that someone can claim to love two people like that, shes being so immature.
Of course I still care for her and wanted things to work out, but with this recent BS I'm starting to wonder.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
she wants to either get back w. you bc her current bf is not working out or she just wants you to be there incase her current rl does not work out.

in her case no i do not believe she loves you both... i actually do not believe she loves either of you.
 

METALLlC BLUE

New Member
Jun 22, 2007
11,299
My situation is as follows:

Been with a girl for 4 1/2 years and were very much in love. We broke up 4 months back and went our separate ways, shes with another guy and just moved in with him(in under 4 months). I'm dating a girl for the past 2 1/2 months and care for her but not love her yet.
My ex has kept contact with me the entire time, saying that she cares for me and loves me. She wants things to work out and for us to eventually get back together, but to me its like taking one step forward and two steps back. Her actions and words are two different things. I asked her to explain that to me and she says that she loves both of us... I told her to fuck off with that bullshit and I'm not gonna be a backup to her imminent failure of a relationship. But it irks me that someone can claim to love two people like that, shes being so immature.
Of course I still care for her and wanted things to work out, but with this recent BS I'm starting to wonder.

She's not in love with both of you. This situation is specific and the original question is irrelevant. She loves you, but she's not "In love with you."

Chances are she's not "In love" with the other guy either given the short time frame, but that's subjective and it's not my place to speculate.

In the end, your romantic relationship is over. All that's left is floating debri from a tragic storm at sea.
 
TS
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Ignited

Ignited

Well-Known Member
Mar 5, 2007
10,969
Philly/NJ
she wants to either get back w. you bc her current bf is not working out or she just wants you to be there incase her current rl does not work out.

in her case no i do not believe she loves you both... i actually do not believe she loves either of you.
She has made it very clear that she is willing to dump him for me, but I'm not sure If I want that to happen that way. Regardless, the fact that she moved on so fast bothered me a lot.
 
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TS
Ignited

Ignited

Well-Known Member
Mar 5, 2007
10,969
Philly/NJ
She's not in love with both of you. This situation is specific and the original question is irrelevant. She loves you, but she's not "In love with you."

Chances are she's not "In love" with the other guy either given the short time frame, but that's subjective and it's not my place to speculate.

In the end, your romantic relationship is over. All that's left is floating debri from a tragic storm at sea.
I like that last line:hs:
She has talked to me in length and put her feelings out on the table about a month back before she moved in with the guy and told me that is was open to breaking up with him for me, if I'm willing to do the same for her. I told her that I'm not ready to lose a good thing at the drop of a hat, because I'm not convinced by her emotions and motives. It got left at that and we never finished the conversation after that meeting.
I mean if that is what she wants, why on earth would she date and move in with this guy she doesnt love, go behind his back and contact me all the time, offer to break up with him and all of this? Shouldnt shit flow more naturally and her break up with the guy and make herself available to me if thats what she really wants?
 

METALLlC BLUE

New Member
Jun 22, 2007
11,299
She is ambivalent about letting you go because she knows she can't live with you, but she feels she can't live without you.

We all know deep inside when it's over, but we cling hoping that something will change, that somehow the broken cog in the machine that led to disarray will suddenly be replaced and that the past will be gone, and something might be found to take it's place. That's not how it works. Most relationships that circle a drain and die peacefully. Relationships like yours well -- They're circling a black hole. It's only a matter of time before it collapses.

You ever hear of the "rebound, rebound, rebound?" It's when you break up with someone you were extremely bonded to, and then rebound, only to realize you're not finished with the first person and so you rebound off the second person who you originally rebounded, which then lead to a failure of the first rebound since we often don't miss what we had till it's gone, but what we miss is often a hope in our heads, not a possible reality, otherwise the first time around would have likely been sufficient, and the second rebound was already a failure from the get-go, hence it fell apart at the start, and so you rebound again.

In the end, you lose quite a few relationships -- sometimes up to a year or more, because ultimately grief and fear of change and loss drive the irrational behavior.
 
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iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
Ex is not "in love" with you. She most likely loves you, but she's not "in love" with you. If anything she's in love with what you two used to be.
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,507
My situation is as follows:

Been with a girl for 4 1/2 years and were very much in love. We broke up 4 months back and went our separate ways, shes with another guy and just moved in with him(in under 4 months). I'm dating a girl for the past 2 1/2 months and care for her but not love her yet.
My ex has kept contact with me the entire time, saying that she cares for me and loves me. She wants things to work out and for us to eventually get back together, but to me its like taking one step forward and two steps back. Her actions and words are two different things. I asked her to explain that to me and she says that she loves both of us... I told her to fuck off with that bullshit and I'm not gonna be a backup to her imminent failure of a relationship. But it irks me that someone can claim to love two people like that, shes being so immature.
Of course I still care for her and wanted things to work out, but with this recent BS I'm starting to wonder.

So, you've cut off contact with the ex, correct? It's not fair to your current gf, to be talking to her, nor is it fair to the guy who your ex is seeing, or even to your ex.

Your ex is trying to use you as a nice emotional security blanket.

You guys broke up, the ex doesn't get to just keep on talking to you like nothing happened.

It's not your problem if she misses you. She probably rushed things, and now regrets it.

Tough shit for her, not your problem. You have no reason to be talking to her if it has only been 4 months.
 
TS
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Ignited

Ignited

Well-Known Member
Mar 5, 2007
10,969
Philly/NJ
So, you've cut off contact with the ex, correct? It's not fair to your current gf, to be talking to her, nor is it fair to the guy who your ex is seeing, or even to your ex.

Your ex is trying to use you as a nice emotional security blanket.

You guys broke up, the ex doesn't get to just keep on talking to you like nothing happened.

It's not your problem if she misses you. She probably rushed things, and now regrets it.

Tough shit for her, not your problem. You have no reason to be talking to her if it has only been 4 months.
I blocked her number but her txts still seeped through. She initiated the contact each time. I talked to her because I didnt see me going far with the girl I'm with, I know its not fair but the gf knew I was talking to her and didnt care. She told me that if I would go back to my ex, she would understand(my jaw dropped) because 4 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone. I'm going on vacation tomorrow with my girl to Cancun, I'll do some thinking and probably come back and change my number/end contact with the ex. I have more value for myself than to stand around as a backup for her regrets.
So far what people posted is spot on though, I miss what we had, but I know I've lost my love for her.


Regardless, the question still stands. Do you think its possible to love(be in love) with two people at the same time?
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,942
I blocked her number but her txts still seeped through. She initiated the contact each time. I talked to her because I didnt see me going far with the girl I'm with, I know its not fair but the gf knew I was talking to her and didnt care. She told me that if I would go back to my ex, she would understand(my jaw dropped) because 4 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone. I'm going on vacation tomorrow with my girl to Cancun, I'll do some thinking and probably come back and change my number/end contact with the ex. I have more value for myself than to stand around as a backup for her regrets.
So far what people posted is spot on though, I miss what we had, but I know I've lost my love for her.


Regardless, the question still stands. Do you think its possible to love(be in love) with two people at the same time?
No

And if you do come back from your trip to Cancun and still find yourself talking to your ex still you need to dump your current girlfriend.
 

RachTyrTaiya

New Member
Nov 25, 2008
54
Arlington,TX
man this is a mess . . .

the ex does not love you or the guy she is with . . .

you do not love her or the girl you are with . . .

I say you all just go your seperate ways.
 

gogo420

New Member
Jan 4, 2009
16
i think that it is possible to truly love two people at the same time. i dont think that love is that confining. i have been in love with two people at the same time and i really do believe that my love for one did not affect how much i loved the other. i really just loved them both for who they are. but i do think in this situation your ex is just stringing you along and probably hates that you have feelings for someone else besides her. she is definitely fucking with you. i would end all communication before the situation gets any messier
 

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