LOVE Marriage benefits for men vs. commitment ceremonies

[Falconer]

While I am a serial monogamist and romantic at heart, the more I think about it, the more I can't see a reason to get married.

But I could see a woman wanting a ceremony.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'd love to spend the rest of my life with an awesome woman. It's not LTRs or commitment that I have a problem with; it's the legal aspects of a failed marriage.

I made a thread a while ago in the main forum called something like "what advantages does getting married have for men?" and got the types of answers that you would expect from the main forum

It's always been implied, meet someone, fall in love, get married.

Seriously though, are there any reasons for a man to get married?

It seems like for all the trouble it would be to set up the necessary precautions in the event of divorce (prenup, legally shielding assets, etc.), PLUS the cost of marriage... what is the advantage of it for the man?

Questions to married crew:
- what changed when you got married? Does a piece of paper mean that much?

Someone told me when you get married the other person is more likely to try to work through problems. My response was what is that bullshit? Why do I want someone who's only interested "because we're married"?

Vag crew, I want to get married, but it seems like a bad idea. Convince me otherwise.

I'd have no problem having a commitment ceremony and reception (although ideally the woman I "marry" wouldn't want to spend a lot of money on a reception because she would have better financial sense than that, but I digress). Fuck, let's celebrate our awesomeness!

But why get married?

Am I overlooking something?

I'm not looking for the "normal" replies of "oh dude, why are you so cynical assuming you'll get screwed in a divorce, with that attitude you'll definitely get divorced, have faith, blah blah." Show me a guy paying alimony and I'll show you a guy who "had faith in his marriage" at one point.

 

[Viper]

Well, when it comes to alimony, most marriages that end, do so within the first five years. And 9 times out of 10, that is not long enough for alimony to become an issue. I didn't have to pay alimony in my divorce.

In fact, I think as long as you don't have kids, the guy can end up in pretty decent shape after a divorce. (Unless he had a bunch of assets or something and was fucking retarded and didn't prenup those assets before going into the marriage.)

In fact, I have a friend who was divorced and he had it such that his ex-wife had to pay all the legal fees and he walked away pretty much scott free. The idea that a man gets screwed in a divorce is typically a myth that gets blown out of proportion.

Now, when you add KIDS into the picture, that's a completely different story. I'd wager that 9 times out of 10, if you hear of a guy getting screwed in a divorce, it's probably because there are kids involved and he did not receive custody of those kids.

When you look at it THAT way, marriage isn't the issue. It's having kids...which means that GUYS, IF YOU WANT KIDS, THEN YOU BETTER DAMN WELL SURE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THEM WITH SOMEONE YOU COULD STAND TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

 

[Viper]

If your SO gets seriously ill or injured, if you're not married to them you have no rights.

Insurance- if one isn't covered they instantly become covered after marriage.

Actually neither one of these are true. First, if you aren't married you can give anybody you want rights so long as you do the paperwork. You don't need a marriage to gain rights when it comes to illness or injury.

Secondly, if you're talking about private insurance, this doesn't magically just cover your spouse when you get married. You have to add them to your plan and you'll wind up paying a little extra to do that. (At least that's how my old insurance was.)

 

[MissKitty]

Questions to married crew:
- what changed when you got married? Does a piece of paper mean that much?.

Nothing specifically changed but our relationship seemed like it had more to it. We were still as committed as we were before, but it just seemed like it was a more secure committment.

Someone told me when you get married the other person is more likely to try to work through problems. My response was what is that bullshit? Why do I want someone who's only interested "because we're married"? .

People are more likely to work through problems if they want to work through problems. Being married for some people doesnt mean anything and therefore they wont see it as a reason to do anything they dont want to.

Vag crew, I want to get married, but it seems like a bad idea. Convince me otherwise..

Is it the legal ramification of divorce you dont like, or the social ramifications?
Is it just 'if it doesnt work out I am force to give this person money/property'?

Marriage is NOT divorce

 

[Falconer]

Is it the legal ramification of divorce you dont like, or the social ramifications?

Legal.

 

[Diesel66]

Divorces are only bad when you have a non working trophy wife.

 

[antihero]

Divorces are only bad when you have a non working trophy wife.

no

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

I told you before, I don't understand why you would get married. Other than maybe wanting to share your health benefits or something.

 

[Falconer]

Do the kids take the woman's last name if they're not married?

 

[D7]

dr;tl

I think you like to put up walls to repel women and then you won't have to get to the point of a truly intimate relationship.

 

[THoC]

i suppose tax breaks. to me that is not worth it. i was married and it was a pain in the ass to get divorced. i didnt get fucked over but it would have been a lot easier to simply walk away.

also the ceremony is such a waste of time and money.

 

[martial_tehee]

But why get married?

Am I overlooking something?

The photographs and the free champaigne.

It feels like it`s free because you`ve paid a month in advance. I think...

 

[Amanda Ann]

Do the kids take the woman's last name if they're not married?

When I was screening in the nursery, the majority of babies with unwed parents had a different last name than the mother's (i.e., the father's). I think default on the birth certificate is the father's last name, providing he is in the picture.

 

[Bacardi 151]

I told you before, I don't understand why you would get married. Other than maybe wanting to share your health benefits or something.

.

 

[JohnJohnJohnson]

If your SO gets seriously ill or injured, if you're not married to them you have no rights.

Insurance- if one isn't covered they instantly become covered after marriage.

Tax benefits for joint income

Inheriting a share of your spouses estate

Receiving exemption from both the state taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave your spouse in a will

Social security, medicare, disability, etc benefits

+shared citizenship, almost wherever you live

the rest is non-legal.

 

[Falconer]

I think you like to put up walls to repel women and then you won't have to get to the point of a truly intimate relationship.

Wow, have you never read any of my posts ever over the years?

 

[Falconer]

Part 2:

Women, why do you (ideally) want to get married?

 

[JustaMeThang]

(Woman here) Im not sure what the differences are between marriage benefits for men vs women - versus commitment. I think both sexes have the same amount of 'risk' on the line. I did want to get married when I was in my early 20's. I've been in a relationship for about 10 years. Towards my late 20's, I started to question what the real purpose would be. What's going to change? Nothing. Now, at 30 years old, I do not want to get married. I look forward to moving forward in my relationship, sharing a life under the same roof, maybe having children some day and sharing our lives together. The marriage is not necessary. What will it do for me? I am self sufficient and financially stable. Let's face it...shit happens. People can fall out of love or just grow apart with no fault on either party. Why make the breaking up process any harder then it already is? No marriage for me, but I also would not knock anyone who DID find it to be an important part of their future.

 

[lauren]

rationally, i feel the same way.


but having someone you love tell you, they will never ever marry you, hurts. i cant put a finger on it, it just does. i guess it's a rejection thing. dunno.

 

[Falconer]

rationally, i feel the same way.


but having someone you love tell you, they will never ever marry you, hurts. i cant put a finger on it, it just does. i guess it's a rejection thing. dunno.

What about ceremony + rings + whatever, living together, etc. but no piece of paper that says if you decide you'd rather fuck an outlaw biker with forearm tattoos, you don't get any of my stuff.

 

[Diesel66]

rationally, i feel the same way.


but having someone you love tell you, they will never ever marry you, hurts. i cant put a finger on it, it just does. i guess it's a rejection thing. dunno.

Of course it does. They are saying they love you but.......

Marriage is part of the whole thing.

 

[Falconer]

Depends if they can explain it rationally.

"I love you but...

...there's no benefit to marriage for the following reasons:

a)

b)

c)

However this doesn't diminish my feelings for you or my desire for a future together.

Ceremony.

Rings.

Etc."

Rational.

Ironically, that's marriage quality right there.

 

[Diesel66]

If marriage is possible, and you say no. that is not a logical argument.

 

[lauren]

What about ceremony + rings + whatever, living together, etc. but no piece of paper that says if you decide you'd rather fuck an outlaw biker with forearm tattoos, you don't get any of my stuff.

i don;t want a ceremony, i dont want a ring. i want to be able to introduce someone after 6 years of being with them as my husband. perhaps it's a legitmacy issue, dunno. it still just rubs me as i'm not good enough, and it hurts. i know, it's my irrational issue.

like i said, i understand there are few tangible benefits. for me, it would be the intangible.

ps, from a divorce pov, my inheritance >> his income. i'd sign a prenup tomorrow.

 

[Amanda Ann]

Part 2:

Women, why do you (ideally) want to get married?

Tax breaks...

I never wanted to get married until recently and I really cant explain why the sudden change. Part seems like the next thing to do, part it's what all our friends are doing and part I just want that "marriage" stigma. Will also admit I've started thinking (seriously) about kids for the first time in 10 years wtc, and, call me old fashioned, but I won't have kids out of wedlock.