Hi yall! I hate posting on forums and consulting people for advice, especially OT, but I have come to the conclusion that I am TIRED of the way I live now and need to do something about it. I ask for serious responses please as I'm in the process of directing the rest of my life. I'm 20, and I NEED to go somewhere. Pretty much, here's the thing: I'm weird. In a lot of ways..I'm so much different than anybody. I know what you're thinking..."everybody is different" yaya I've heard that, but I'm a little EXTRA weird. I'm just not your average person. I went through a serious episode of depression over the past few months, and basically narrowed it down to a few things.. ..I have absolutely no hobbies. SERIOUSLY. The only thing I "enjoy" is making money. When people ask me what do I do, or what do I like..I have only replied with "making money". And I don't even make that much. Fuck I'm a 20 year old making 30k a year. And most of the money I make I spend on stupid shit. I justify a reason to not like pretty much anything. Even shit I WOULD like I'm held back by some reason..let me name some examples: Dirt-biking, 4-wheeling - I don't like any type of "risky" activity. I'm pretty much scared to do anything that could put myself in danger. I have never attempted even a backflip on a trampoline! I'm like seriously the biggest pussy ever. I would LOVE to dirt bike or 4-wheel if I wasn't scared to do it. No matter how many times people tell me to just let it go and relax about shit, I CANT. I like go through a panic attack when somebody drives crazy even. My body just TOTALLY rejects anything risky! Guitar. Man I love music. And I love guitar. But guess what...I can't play it. Why? Because I'm not creative. My mind is the opposite of creative. I'm more of a trend-follower than a trend-setter. I've sat down and played other peoples music, but I simply CANNOT think of my own. I used to be a singer in a local band but all my lyrics were made by the guitarist. I simply am not creative! I would LOVE to play guitar or any musical instrument if I had some sort of creative mind. I also LOVE to sing. My only awards I've ever gotten are from high school choir (won several) but I'm only good at singing other peoples music. Plus I started smoking ciggs and pot and my lungs just suck now..... Computers..I love computers. And they aren't risky. And you don't have to be creative at all to use them. But I'm just not the "nerd" type. I am a little bit, but it's just not my thing. I know quite a bit about them though, and have fun on them all the time, but it's not specifically who I wanna be. A computer guy is just not what I want. Business. I want to see myself doing this. My ultimate goal is to own a business or work for a large corporation. Conference calls, decision-making, company trips..things like this all are something I'd love. But this is a hobby I can't even get to yet. It takes years of studies and experience to move up to this. I need something I can have fun with NOW. Gaming. Now don't get me wrong, I love gaming. But I do NOT want to be a gamer. Gamers just aren't my type of people I guess. Sports. I have absolutely NO hand-eye coordination whatsoever. I've tried and tried and tried and I just can't do it. I also have no sports strategy, and I'm scared of getting my ass plowed by dudes in football. I would LOVE to see myself as a sports person, but these things hold me back. And I can't fix them. Dancing. Now this is something I REALLY want to learn. But I'm the worst ever at dancing. My friends can just watch people dance, and figure out how to do it. I'm a VERY slow learner on pretty much everything, and I can't do that. I try and people just laugh at me because I'm the only one that cant figure it out. I'm always the last person to figure shit out like that. If I did some dance class or some shit I'd definitely be sloww.. I mean seriously, I can't find anything I like to do! The things I want to do I can't for some reason, and the things I already do like computers, I don't even really like doing! I just have so much fucking anxiety about everything. My stoner friends all do stupid shit, and I am too moral to do things they do, and I'm also scared of cops and shit. I play sports with my sports friends. I mean fuck I'm just like stuck in the middle of a whole bunch of different groups. I'm not super involved with anything. I'll hang out with my stoner friends and smoke pot. Then when they do their shit (like raving), I'm out! Ill hang out with my sports friends but not play sports with them (cuz i suck and they don't really like it). I can't really get involved with my music friends because I'm not creative enough. My country friends like dirt biking/atv but I can't do that cuz I'm way scared!! I mean FUCK what do I do? I'm also weird because I don't understand alot of the common talk. During conversations I'm usually last to understand shit. And I'm not even creative enough to think of topics to talk in conversations. A lot of times, just to not look like an asshole, I will PLAN OUT TOPICS to talk about, when just hanging with friends. Because I have absolutely no creativity at all, my mind is just blank. WITH THIS SAID, I'm usually quiet when hanging with friends. I'm always the one not talking because I don't understand or I'm uninterested. I realized that I've literally justified a reason against EVERYTHING. WHAT THE FUCK? Who does that? Seriously. I am just now starting to understand myself. And GIRLS. I honestly feel like I could be the best boyfriend in the world alot. But I am the worst at getting girls. I try to be confident and talk to them, but they just ignore me a lot of times. I'm not a cocky guy, and I could never play girls. Most of the girls I hang around or like are always the girls that go for the biggest hardass guy. I just don't understand them. Like Friday night this girl I'm trying to talk to calls me all drunk tells me she wants to see me and chill and yada yada she was so cool. Convo ended great and everything. Texted her a few times within the past days and no response. Just an example. All I do now is work and make money and spend it on stupid shit. I'm going NOWHERE. I'm like, a fucking bitch! I'm so unconfident in everything. I'm seriously like the bitch. And I HATE it. EDIT: Added this I have NO personality. I'm not passionate about anything. I feel like my life is going to nowhere. Besides making money my only hobbies are LISTENING to music, chillin with friends (where i don't usually say much), smoking weed, browsing digg and ot, going to work, and driving a car. I don't like anything else! EVERYBODY has something they are passionate about. Some road they can go down. I've even gone as far as doing some weird ass shit! I used to hang around emos in early high school and wore emo clothes a bit. Then I realized how gay that was and started wearing like skater clothes. Then I realized I'm not even a skater, so I just started wearing polo shirts and jeans. I'm the only fucking person in the world who does that and I don't know why. The only path I COULD take is animals. I LOVE animals. I just don't know anything about them. I LOVE horses but since I live in the city I have no access to em. That's like the only possible path. What do I do?