Things have been really tough for my mom financially lately. And yesterday, she asked my husband and I to move into her house. She has the space. They currently have 2 empty bedrooms and a large bonus room upstairs.
I love my mom, and I want to help her out. In my head I cant imagine saying no to her. She has done SO much for us. But I have some concerns about this. I have only been out of the house a year and a half. My sister and I have always had a very strained relationship. It has been better lately, mostly be cause I do not see her that often, and when she does piss me off, I can just leave. I told myself when I moved out that I could NEVER live with her again. She says she has changed, and has agreed to give us our space and compromise over some issues we have had in the past. And while that sounds good, I just dont know if it is in her to keep her word about it. My husband has voiced concerns over this as well. He says he doesnt want to be in the middle or having to break us up. Plus I know when we would fight it would upset my mother, which I dont want to do.
My mom and I see eye to eye on most things, and I dont think we have ever actually had a fight. But my sister and my mom fight. Not all the time, because my mom is pretty easy going, but my sister can be so disrespectful and rude to her, and sometimes she just refuses to take it. I feel like if we moved in I might start a fight with my sister when she is being disrespectful to our mom, just like used to happen. Right now my sister can get her way pretty much all the time. She has run of the house for the most part. I never liked being under her demands/wants. I do not know if she has eased up, become more 'compromising' or if she just seems that way because no one is there to challenge her authority.
Plus there is the issue of losing our apartment. It is small, and older, but it is ours. Like I said, I have only been on my own a year and a half, I love having our own place. Its hard to describe. Its my kitchen. I can have it organized the way I want. I know exactly what is in the refrigerator, and the pantry. If I am hungry, i know what is there. I dont have to search through them trying to find anything. I know might sound dumb, but I very much like having my own kitchen.
We have also been in talks with my cousin to possibly move in with us. We would end up getting a bigger apartment to share with him. But he is not quite ready to move yet, so that would not be until next year. My mom needs us to move in and help financially until she can sell the house. She cannot sell until February because she got the 8k tax break, and she has not been in the house three years yet. And apparently things are too tight for them to make it to next year. So we would be with my mom for 9 months (ish), and then we would get a new place, and have my cousin move in with us for at least a year. We would not have a place to ourselves for pretty much the next two years. And we have only been married a year and a half. I love my mom and my cousin both, and I know how much they both need our help. And I cannot imagine saying no to either of them.
There are several benefits/perks to living with my mom. The household expenditures would be cheaper for us. (And help her out). She has a washer/dryer. We've been using hers anyway, but now we wouldnt have to drive 30 mins to do so. It is closer to both of our jobs. We spend a lot of time in her city as opposed to the one we currently live in. Our jobs our there, we have friends there, my dad lives close to there. So it would save a ton on gas. Plus we would save on groceries. My mom's community is FAR nicer than where we are now. It also has a pool. She also has a jacuzzi tub, which I love. Splitting meals would mean we do not have to cook all the time. There are a lot of advantages. At this point, I'm just not sure they outweigh the negatives or potential negatives. My husband and I have to sit down and write out a pros and cons list. I just wanted to write this out and possibly get some opinions. I havent been able to get my mind off it.
In case anyone asks, my moms situation: She bought the house, and ended up getting fired a month later. She didnt have a job for over a year and was living off inheritance money. She finally found a job, but it is not enough to cover the costs of the house. The inheritance money is gone now, and she cannot sell until the 3 year mark. Not to mention the housing market sucks right now and she is not sure she can sell for a decent price.
I love my mom, and I want to help her out. In my head I cant imagine saying no to her. She has done SO much for us. But I have some concerns about this. I have only been out of the house a year and a half. My sister and I have always had a very strained relationship. It has been better lately, mostly be cause I do not see her that often, and when she does piss me off, I can just leave. I told myself when I moved out that I could NEVER live with her again. She says she has changed, and has agreed to give us our space and compromise over some issues we have had in the past. And while that sounds good, I just dont know if it is in her to keep her word about it. My husband has voiced concerns over this as well. He says he doesnt want to be in the middle or having to break us up. Plus I know when we would fight it would upset my mother, which I dont want to do.
My mom and I see eye to eye on most things, and I dont think we have ever actually had a fight. But my sister and my mom fight. Not all the time, because my mom is pretty easy going, but my sister can be so disrespectful and rude to her, and sometimes she just refuses to take it. I feel like if we moved in I might start a fight with my sister when she is being disrespectful to our mom, just like used to happen. Right now my sister can get her way pretty much all the time. She has run of the house for the most part. I never liked being under her demands/wants. I do not know if she has eased up, become more 'compromising' or if she just seems that way because no one is there to challenge her authority.
Plus there is the issue of losing our apartment. It is small, and older, but it is ours. Like I said, I have only been on my own a year and a half, I love having our own place. Its hard to describe. Its my kitchen. I can have it organized the way I want. I know exactly what is in the refrigerator, and the pantry. If I am hungry, i know what is there. I dont have to search through them trying to find anything. I know might sound dumb, but I very much like having my own kitchen.
We have also been in talks with my cousin to possibly move in with us. We would end up getting a bigger apartment to share with him. But he is not quite ready to move yet, so that would not be until next year. My mom needs us to move in and help financially until she can sell the house. She cannot sell until February because she got the 8k tax break, and she has not been in the house three years yet. And apparently things are too tight for them to make it to next year. So we would be with my mom for 9 months (ish), and then we would get a new place, and have my cousin move in with us for at least a year. We would not have a place to ourselves for pretty much the next two years. And we have only been married a year and a half. I love my mom and my cousin both, and I know how much they both need our help. And I cannot imagine saying no to either of them.
There are several benefits/perks to living with my mom. The household expenditures would be cheaper for us. (And help her out). She has a washer/dryer. We've been using hers anyway, but now we wouldnt have to drive 30 mins to do so. It is closer to both of our jobs. We spend a lot of time in her city as opposed to the one we currently live in. Our jobs our there, we have friends there, my dad lives close to there. So it would save a ton on gas. Plus we would save on groceries. My mom's community is FAR nicer than where we are now. It also has a pool. She also has a jacuzzi tub, which I love. Splitting meals would mean we do not have to cook all the time. There are a lot of advantages. At this point, I'm just not sure they outweigh the negatives or potential negatives. My husband and I have to sit down and write out a pros and cons list. I just wanted to write this out and possibly get some opinions. I havent been able to get my mind off it.
In case anyone asks, my moms situation: She bought the house, and ended up getting fired a month later. She didnt have a job for over a year and was living off inheritance money. She finally found a job, but it is not enough to cover the costs of the house. The inheritance money is gone now, and she cannot sell until the 3 year mark. Not to mention the housing market sucks right now and she is not sure she can sell for a decent price.
