SRS Moral Dilemma

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Incognito, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. Incognito

    Incognito New Member

    Jun 17, 2003
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    Ok, so here's the story so far:

    a couple of months ago, I bumped into a chick that i used to go to primary and highschool with who i hadn't seen since i graduated highschool (about 5 years ago)... we never really got along back then, as we always hung out in different 'groups', and of course, back in highschool, mixing groups is forbidden :ugh2:

    anyway, we started hanging out a bit, and seemed to get along well, things went from there i guess, we were out one night, she got completely trashed, and ended up coming home with me (as it was easier/cheaper than taking her home as well), one thing led to another and next thing i know she's all over me... (we didn't actually 'do' anything though)

    the next day she was like "omg, i'm so sorry, i can't believe i did that, i nearly slept with you, how embarrasing" blah blah blah

    we hung out for a bit after that where nothing happened, then one night we were hugging again and she kissed me, and its been like that for about a month now... like, she'll kiss me etc, hold hands, hug...

    a couple of (i.e. only 2) times things have gotten a bit more intimate, but she seemed to expect me to please her, and then just rolled over and went to sleep, when she was done :hs:

    one night she called me up at 4am :)o), completely off her face, and asked me to drive into the city (40 minute journey) to pick her up from a club. I did, and when we get back to my place, again, she's all over me, but this time wants to go the whole way... so we do... after i asked her about 3 or 4 times if this is what she really wanted... and her saying yes...

    I didn't really see her for a few days after that, until i went out with her and her family the other weekend... now, she made me promise i wouldn't show any signs of affection etc towards her while we were out with her family/friends, basically made me pretend we were just friends and nothing more... she wouldn't even give me a hug or hold my hand or anything that day.... i dunno, i guess she felt embarrased by me or something?

    I've tried asking her a few times what she sees us as (as its confusing the hell out of me) and she just replies with "i don't know what i want" and then goes on to talk about something completely different...

    She's always busy hanging out with her other friends, and rarely has time to do anything with me... and even when we do make plans (this has happened quite a few times now) she calls up the day before, or even on the day etc and is like "Oh, i'm sorry, but i just remembered i promised 'x' to do 'blah blah' tonight... so i can't go with you" or "i've got no money, so i can't go out" etc...

    anyway, she was acting weird a few days ago, so i eventually got out of her what was wrong, and when i asked her if she regretted doing some things, she's like "sometimes"

    I tried talking to her just then (about 10 minutes ago)... i flat out said to her that she's confusing me, and i need to know what i mean to her, whether im just a cuddlebitch to her, or a friend with benefits, or something more, and again, she trotted out the whole "i don't know what i want" line, and the old "its not you its me" line of reasoning... so i said to her "so, until you decide what you want, we're just friends?" and she said that yes, that was the case... then she added "at the moment" to the end....


    Now comes the moral dilemma part of it..

    Met this chick about 2 weeks ago, and we get along great... she's in an open relationship with someone (he spends alot of time on the road with his work, so they have an agreement *this is what she tells me anyway* that while he's away they are both allowed to see other people.. and she tells me they even do the whole partner swapping thing with friends sometimes... now, this doesn't freak me out or anything, i'm cool with that... but this chick wants to jump my bones basically...

    and what i'm wondering, is, is it okay to be with her while this other chick makes up her damn mind, as she's saying at the moment we're "only friends" until she makes up her mind

    Reason i ask is i don't believe in cheating on people, however, if she's not prepared to act like/call herself my partner/girlfriend/whatever, then is it really cheating?

    Sorry for the longwinded post, but this is confusing the hell outta me! :hsugh:
  2. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Feb 23, 2004
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    Minot, ND
    Tough call I'm sure on your end of it... but if it were ME (and granted I'm a girl, so my thought process might be different than yours), there is no way I would let the one girl yank me around like that.

    And 2, probably wouldn't get with the other chick either. Maybe it's just the way you wrote about it here, but I would feel dirty and... wrong to mess around with/sleep with someone else's girl. And if she's down for doing that with you, how many others? I dunno.

    Kinda makes me feel ill. Wish I knew something else to tell you....

    *edited because I'm a freak about punctuation and stupid grammar mistakes.**
  3. miniml

    miniml New Member

    Feb 16, 2006
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    san diego
    1. you need to tell girl 1 to tell you what she wants, or else youll have to move on. youre whipped. youre being manipulated. she probably has some psychological construct of not being able to be alone.

    2. if, in her own words, girl 1 said youre just friends ("for now"), imo its ok to "hook up" with girl 2
  4. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

    Jun 26, 2003
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    Franklin, WI
    Don't put you life on hold for other people. Go out and live, make the decisions you want to make and do what you want to do - believe me, the person that you'd be "waiting" for is doing the same thing.

    My girl of 2 and 1/2 years left me 3 days ago. I am going out to the club with my buddy and just having a good time getting drunk to forget things, and listening to music and meeting new people. If some girl interest comes to me, I will take it. She's out doing her thing too, and if someday she wants to try with me again - I'll jump at the offer in a I still want her badly, but i've been through this enough times to know not to just break down and isolate myself. I'm waiting for her to get her life in order at the moment (it's a stressful mess right now), and also working on mine, but i'm not waiting for her persay.

    If she comes around, she comes around - if not - so be it. Either way - go out, live life and have fun, and if things work out you'll of had fun in the meantime, and if they don't, you won't sit and regret putting your life on hold for something that didn't happen in the end.
  5. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

    Feb 6, 2005
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    Land of Provincialism
    Holy Doodle Batman. Look, this is the way it is. The girl, she doesn't know what she wants. Girl#2 is just looking for a "Good Time Charlie". HA! Who wants either? Girl #1, is just stringing you along, waiting for either someone to come along or until she figures you're better than nothing.
    Why waste your time on either or them?
    Get out there and find a decent girl, one who knows what she wants, is straight up and isn't into partner swapping or has a predilection for keeping you hanging.
    Life is meant to be lived, not hanging around.

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