So, I'm taking my mandatory vacation and I decided a trip to the shining gem that is Metropolis was the right thing to do. I hadn't been in town any longer than three hours and I found myself with an ice cream cone in one hand and a Daily Planet in the other. I'm reading about the latest crime spree when all the sudden the bank across the street blows wide open, right? All these guys in ski masks come running out and I'm all, "Oh my God, I have to take a video of this and put it on YouTube!" So I reach for my cell phone but before I can start recording, the Batmobile comes out of nowhere. And I know what you're thinking...this isn't Gotham... but there he was, so you can go fuck yourself. He comes flying out and starts kicking some ski-masked bank robber ass, and all I could do was stand there in awe. After he's bat-roped all those punks to a pole, me and the group that had gathered all began cheering. Naturally I snapped a few pics as he started back toward the Batmobile. About that time Superman swoops in a day late and a dollar short, all cocky in his tights, with his slick hair and charming good looks... son of a bitch. I digress, he swoops down and is all: "You were too rough on these men, you don't deliver justice the right way, I'm an American hero blah blah blah", Granted Batman had broken all of their noses and shoved one of them up the ass of another one... but he got the job done. Next thing we know Bats and the Super are yelling at each other about morals and what-not. Batman told Superman to fly back home to Krypton, Superman retaliated with: "My home's been destroyed. Say, How's Mommy and Daddy?" This statement was WAY out of line... Batman got this look on his face like one day he might consider showing emotion and maybe allowing a tear duct to get slightly moist... then he pushed Superman's shoulder. Superman retaliated by pushing his shoulder, Next thing I know they're in a superhero pushing contest. About 30 seconds of this goes by when finally Batman backhanded Superman and went to leave. Superman struck back by kicking him to the ground from behind. A loud "oooo" could be heard from the crowd. Fortunately at the time I was the only one who noticed a small green rock fall out of Batman's utility belt, Clearly kryptonite. Superman started moving in on Batman and that's when I struck, I dove on that little alien emerald like a fat kid on cake, snuck up on Superman while he was closing in on the Batman, and gave that cocky son of a bitch the most epic kryptonite wedgie he'd ever gotten. Next thing we know he's rolling around on the ground trying to pull the tights from his crack. Batman got up and took the opportunity to yell, "Do you know who I am?!" before planting his size 14 bat-boot in Superman's face. "I'm the GOD DAMN BATMAN!" There was an awkward pause, then Batman and I made eye-contact, analyzed our situation and both took off running. He yelled at me to hop into his rig, "Get in my car, We're getting the fuck outta' here!" We got in that Batmobile and tore ass outta' there before Superman could laser vision us like the little bitch he is. Long story short, Metropolis has the best ice cream I've ever had.