SRS My family situation..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Non-Photo Blue, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. Well when I was only 10 years old, I lost my father from a scuba diving accident. We took it hard, especially me and my mother because he was the stronghold of our family.

    Now I'm 19 right now and my mom is starting to see another man that resembles my father personality wise. I'm very uneasy about this right now because it just feels like my mom is disrespecting my late father and I'm just very confused right now. I'll probably get a lot of hate saying I should let my mother do whatever she wants, but it's just hard on me right now...
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

    Nov 4, 2003
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    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Nah, that's a pretty normal reaction to feel resentment at this 'interloper'.
    There's no wrong here. Your feelings are normal and to be expected.

    On the other hand, your mom can't stay alone forever. She's not cheating on anyone, she's not doing anything wrong, and obviously she deserves companionship just like anyone else in this world.

    The key is to acknowledge the delicate situation and to make sure everyone's (valid) feelings are heard and accepted. This new guy (or ANY new guy) needs to be integrated properly, so everyone feels comfortable.

    Its not a case of 'suck it up princess' that doesn't do anyone any good in the long run.

    You might want to start with a quiet little PRIVATE talk with your mom. Rehearse what you want to say.

    Remember the point is NOT to make her feel guilty (even though I'm sure a part of you would like that). The point is to make yourself heard, make your feelings known and have them addressed, not brushed aside.
  3. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

    Mar 16, 2000
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    42.520686, -83.305014
    Do you love your Mother? Do you want her to be happy? Would your Father want her to be happy?

    She has been alone for a VERY long time. From the time gap, it appears to me that she sacrificed her own happiness, and needs for basic companionship to put you, and any other children first. Now that you are an adult, she likely feels that she is able to devote some energies back towards her own basic needs.

    Johan also is dead on. Your reactions are normal. Also, while you may know that how you feel may be in a manner that you don't want to feel - or even inappropriate - they are still what you feel.

    Express those feelings - however, right now it may be advisable to express those feelings in a manner that would not interfere with your Mom, or this gentleman. Journaling, working out, music, art - hell even this forum.

    Don't disregard, that the late teens, and early 20's are often a time when most of us are going through a tough time anyway - wanting to explore and create our own individualities, our own futures, yet also know we have a safe harbor back home. You may also be having unconcious feelings that the stability of home life as you know it is at least partially disrupted (again) and that may be causing some feelings that you weren't even aware of.
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are married until death parts you. It brakes the bond, which is harsh but reality. I would AT LEAST try to view it from your mothers point of view :hs: who is alone for 9 fricken years, your mom feels the same suffering as you you know. :( , its very hard for the children to understand that mommy is all alone and that the children need a daddy to look up to.

    Your life only shows that every day that you have your family is a blessing. A death in the family 'alters' the way you think, i mean i understand your feeling, you want to blame someone for your fathers death, and you think your mother is being unfaithfull and lacking loyalty towards your passed away father.

    Ask yourself if you died, would you enjoy it if your children and wife would be left alone? Of course not, heck i hear you a step father will never replace your father for real, and that's not the intention either. In all honesty it can only be a substitute , which in all truth can only be part of your family if acceptance occurs.

    I think you should look at the overal benefit to your family if a man enters the life you always new, it might change everybody and you may not feel the same, but for the sake of your mothers happyness i would accept this man in your life, althought it can be hard, try to understand their life.
  5. You guys are totally right...maybe it just takes time I guess. :hs:

    Mostly what I'm worried about is my mom getting hurt by this man. If he lays a finger on her, I will personally kill him.

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