Background: I've known these people for a long time..all my life, my mother found me when I was young and adopted me. My biological parents..my mother died giving birth to me and my father truely hated me. He was a military man who neglected me and left me with strangers across the world for months at a time. He's now dead, ill be referring to these people as though they're my parents. My father and I never really never got along, made me feel like shit..a failure (I was a bit overweight), made me feel as if I was a mistake (just like my real father thought of me). He cheated with my mom multiple times and when I was 14 (im now 20) they finally seperated. He'd come back every now and then never really out of her life. I myself had to grow up with no father figure again especially during my toughest time. In a way it hardened me young and made me more independent. He's a fucking asshole for what he did/has done. A year ago he was working and complained of severe headaches..they found a tumor in his brain..he almost died with three massive heart attacks..he had to get a pacemaker. It seemed he had gotten better he was done with lukemia he was apologizing, counting his blessings with my mom and like an idiot my mom forgave him. We were in big money troubles, house morgage was getting too expensive (oh by the way everytime he'd get back with my mother he'd refinance the house take that money, fix a few things and conviently disappear). My mother is an idiot..but I guess thats love. My jobs..I gave every single penny to that woman/family.i couldnt even get my licence or car because of trying to save the house. She's on disability (arthritis..romitoid I believe its spelt) and really bad with money. Gambling problems and whatnot (lottery tickets..we won a million dollars but ofcourse the family vultures came and disappeared). But I digress,this is about my "father". We lost (sold it really cheap) the house eventually this wasnt before me working my utter ass off raising 15k to save the house one last time. So this was last year,we moved out and had to stay in a hotel..at some points we didnt have the money to stay there, my mother would ask my father for help fibbing that we were going to have to stay at a shelter and my father said "good maybe they'll find you an apartment" ..this is after the whole tumor thing, he never fucking changed. up to date: I've always refused to talk to him because I didnt want to hear anymore of his bullshit. 3 month ago he started losing his memory had to move in with his sisters because he couldnt take care of himself anymore. The cancer was back, I've already started to get serious about working out, getting my life in order so I can meet him and finally show him that im stronger then the fucker. Then he pulls this on me. Its been getting bad, lukemia isnt doing anything, if they operate he'll just be a vegetable. My mom talking to his family and she spouted all this bullshit about me not talking to him. Apprently he's confusing my cousins with with my brother and I and my cousin michael who i respect wants to talk to me to go down there. I do want to see him, he deserves what he's getting but deep inside i feel such a cold sadness. That if I dont make it in time..I can never show him what I've accomplished, what I've become. So I'm working harder then ever and prayed for the first time to give him at least a month. By the way the only reason I've stuck around for so long is because my brother is autistic..him and my grandma are the only people I love more then anyone and everything in this world. They are the reason I haven't killed myself or just slipped through. I apologize if the story is a bit confusing..im very stressed and depressed..this is one of the many things piling ontop of me, when it rains, pours.