So after having an upbeat attitude over the last 6 months, I'm back to being depressed and angry. Mostly I'm angry at the fact that really not much has changed for me over the last 6 months. I still live at home, I still hate my family and argue with my dumbass parents almost every day, I still have no friends, I still struggle with functioning normally in social settings, I still can't find a job, I still miss my ex girlfriend from 8 months ago, I'm still angry with the fact that I missed out on everything in HS. I sit around I wonder about what happened to all the people I knew in HS and what they are doing now. Are they all sitting in their rooms at their parents house living a sheltered and pathetic existence? I doubt it. Sometimes I surf facebook and I see that most of them are out in the world doing cool things. It makes me feel very behind in life and that really brings me down. I can't help but feel that my extreme anxiety disorder robbed me of my HS experience and stunted my mental growth. I had no friends then, no prom, very few parties and I made a jackass out of myself at a handful of those, no girlfriends. Basically I made no good memories. It's like I lack substance or something. I still feel like a little kid inside. It makes me sick. The worst part about it all is that even if I decided to make a drastic change and suddenlty just up and went to California or something, I would end up living a total garbage life or I would just end up coming back home. It's like WWII going on inside my head. I struggle with my mentality every day. I feel like I have a very skewed sense of reality. I approach situations with these preconceived notions of how I should act. I imagine myself as someone that I once knew and I try to handle the situation as I imagine that person would handle it. Then when the situation is over I'm always like "wtf was I thinking? Why can't I just be myself?" It's so god damn frustrating because I truly can't help it. Not to blame others, but I strongly feel that my family as well as my extended family has contributed greatly to my mental problems. They are all older than me and they all treat me like i'm a special ed kid. Every fucking holiday and get together we have I usually just sit their quietly because they all fucking treat me like that and I hate it. Eventually after some drinking they all start talking about me and start psychoanalyzing me even though they know I hate it. It's like they are using me as a base to make themselves feel more normal. They won't just let me sit there by myself. They come up to me with the same stupid ass fucking questions and comment like: "what's wrong? why aren't you nice to mom? are yo ok?" They ask me these questions with the tone that you would use when you talk to a 10 year old. Maybe that is why i feel like fucking little kid? I hate them all. I've always been their little fucking black sheep. I'm never happy around them and once I leave home I don't see myself talking to most of them ever again. I saw a counselor at my community college 1.5 months ago and he kinda helped me out. He wanted me to return but I never did and he has since quit working there. I am going back on Monday to see a different counselor but I don't know what to tell him. I'll be open and tell him everything I just said here. I haven't made an emo thread like this in a long time now. Wow, doing it again brings back memories. Feel free to give me your opinions on what I should do. Cliffs: I'm a miserable person. My life is shit.