My mom died on March 20th, so of course my entire attitude toward life changed. On one hand, I feel like I have a grip on things and I know that the only way to really be happy is to make myself happy, make it happen for myself nothing is going to change if I just wait around for it you know. But at the same time I am overwhelmed by the feelings of "fuck it, it's not even worth it anymore" because I just can't help but know that I am never going to feel that love that you get from your mother. Things in my life are going very well, I'm in radiology school and doing extremely well working real hard and making all A's. For the past few months I've really been focusing on working out and physically I've never felt so good. All of these things make me feel great on the outside, but I feel like I don't have anything emotionally fulfilling I don't know what to do anymore. I don't get anything out of any relationship I have whether it be with my friends or with girls I date or anything and I don't know why.