My situation, advice and thanks

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Kreigore, May 10, 2007.

  1. Kreigore

    Kreigore Member

    Jan 26, 2006
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    If you need a refresher, here's my other thread from a few weeks ago.

    Cliffs: Relationship with gf ended, started seeing other girls, ex-gf consistently contacts me..

    Here's the new edition (it's long as hell, so if you don't wanna read it, skip to the bottom):

    After a long time of being strong and ignoring her, I jumped online one afternoon and low and behold, she sent me an IM. At first, I didn't respond, but I wound up saying hi and we spoke for a few.

    Everything seemed fine, but this is where things went wrong - I started flirting with her online, trying to push the envelope (seeing if we would hookup or hang out, whatever). Well, to make a long story short, we ended up getting together that night and the next few nights.

    Take it from me, DO NOT ever get back with an ex to "hook up" or just mess around. It doesn't end well. Someone will always get hurt - actually, you both will. Sure, it was great - some of the best times we ever had and we spoke to one another civilly. :mamoru:

    I tried to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal and that she would be moving away and I likely wouldn't see her again, but it did not work. I found myself having feelings for her again. I did exactly what I didn't want to do -- I lied to and deceived myself.

    After we hung out a few times, I went to a bar with some friends. My ex-girlfriend and her friends were there as well. I went on the dance floor and saw her there with her friends and starting dancing with her. She always wanted to dance with me, but I was too shy, so I figured what the hell. I thought I had nothing to lose, but in actuality I did. I lost my sense of self, I was falling into the trap again.

    While we were on the dance floor, a mutual acquaintance of ours came over and started to talk and dance with us. It turned out this other girl had a crush on me for the longest time and knew my girlfriend and I weren't together. The girl and I ended up dancing and we ended up kissing -- right in front of my ex-girlfriend.

    Obviously, it created some drama, but my ex-girlfriend still came home with me that night.

    Last night, I went to the bar with some friends again. My ex-girlfriend happened to be there too with her friends. At this point, we hadn't really spoken or seen one another for a few days. At the bar, I collected a few numbers from some girls and my ex-girlfriend saw me getting them and told me "you can do so much better." We ended up talking and hanging out that night.

    She told me she was probably an idiot for suggesting to break up and that she knew that I would always be there to take care of her, etc. She was having doubts about separating and had one or two experiences with douchebag guys who didn't treat her too well after we broke up. She got her feet wet and saw that the grass wasn't greener based upon her new experiences. It's a shame, because I would have married her in 1-2 years.

    To wrap this up, we are getting together for the final time tonight. We're going to goto dinner to relax and talk to one another. It's more or less a final goodbye. I realize this is the end, but that is the way it needs to be.

    Lessons learned:

    1. Do not hook up with an ex for any reason. It will not end well. You may think you are in control by believing it's just "companionship" or "only sex" - but you will fall hard and fast.

    2. Get out there and get numbers fellas. Whether you've never had a girlfriend or just got out of a relationship, go out there and get some numbers. There is a girl out there for you. Let go of your insecurities and go for it. Many of us need to come to the point where we shed our shell and don't care anymore. If you're having problems with girls, go out with some friends to a bar (or elsewhere) and GET A NUMBER. If you feel good, go for more. You'll feel better, but the battle isn't over. Call her in a few days and see what she's doing for the weekend (or whenever) and take it from there.

    3. Special thanks to Yail, Falconer, iwishyouwerebeer, IamtheBeast, Alaya and many others. You all have excellent advice. While I didn't follow my own words and some of your advice, I learned a great deal about myself.

    I'm definitely not perfect, but I've gone out quite a bit and I'm meeting girls and having a great time. It sucks getting over an ex, but there are other great people out there waiting to meet you -- just make the move. All you need is a name, number and a follow-up call.

    Cliffs: Hooked up with ex-girlfriend, met new girls, learned a lot of lessons.
  2. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

    Sep 10, 2002
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    Not sure I see the point of the "final goodbye" you're only setting yourself up for more anguish.
  3. Memor

    Memor Active Member

    Jun 22, 2006
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    I had a bad experience after hooking up with my ex last year...went through a rough patch, didn't speak to each other for about 6 months...but recently we started talking again, we get along great, hook up from time to time, and it's completely laid back :dunno:

    sorry to hear your situation didn't work out

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