Need a little advice...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bcr821, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    Ok so my girlfriend is a nanny and works pretty early in the morning. She has to be at work anytime between 6am and 8am so she has to go to bed pretty early. Now my schedule is much more laid back and i don't usually get up before 10am. In the past, due to school and work, i would be able to go to sleep the same time as her. Well now that school is out i'm staying up later because i'm not tired and doing things with my roommates. She's been getting REALLY upset (not mad) over this. Normally i would just go to sleep with her, but i'm not the kind of person that can just fall asleep when not tired. I've tried to just go to bed when she does but it results in me laying in bed for about 2 hours staring at the celing.

    I can't lay down with her until she falls asleep because she is such a light sleeper she will wake up if i get out of bed, plus if she doesn't and wakes up and i'm not there she gets really freaked out (scarred). The past few nights she's just been going to bed upset because of this and i really don't like the fact she's upset

    Personally i don't feel like i'm doing anything wrong, but i'm completely willing to change so she will be happy (she told me last night to go out and hang with my roommates because she knows i would be miserable and not able to fall asleep if i was in my room with her. Although she didn't say it very sincerely). I just don't think it's fair that just because she wants to go to bed she has the right to get upset with me because i'm not tired. It's not that i don't want to lay with her (and she knows that) it's that i physically cannot sleep.

    I know that was a lot of text but i really am confused, are there any suggestions :hs:
     
  2. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    One of the reasons she gives for being so upset is because we don't get to spend too much "alone" time together due to our schedules. We hang out every day almost all day but usually our roommates are there with us. This isn't a big deal because we both like them but the only alone time we have we usually are taking advantage of :naughty:

    She told me one of her favorite parts of the day is right before she goes to bed when we're laying there and i'm just holding her and she's holding me as she falls asleep. She says she feels like i'm bored with her because i don't spend alone time with her, but honestly the way our schedules contradict it's hard. The times we are together typically my roommates are home and she doesn't consider that alone time.

    The only logical answer i gave her is that i just start getting up at like 7 or 8 and staying up all day so i will be tired earlier in the night but she told me she doesn't want me to do that. She told me its something she's just going to have to get used to and that makes me feel even worse. I feel guilty when i stay up late and don't go lay down with her but i really can't help the fact that I'm not tired.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper Livin' la vida scrotum OT Supporter

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    You can control when you want to go to bed by controlling when you get up.

    If you got up at the same time as her every morning, you could go to bed the same time she does. :dunno:

    That's assuming you're willing to comprimise here.

    I think that a healthy comprimise would involve you going to bed with her 3 or 4 nights a week, and you staying up the other nights and shooting the shit with your roomates.

    But the best ways to control how tired you are at night is to do one of the following:

    1. Stay up all night one night and then go to bed at the time you want to start going to bed the next night, and then waking up EARLIER the morning after THAT.

    2. Or, the better solution, go to bed late like you always do and force yourself out of bed when she gets up.
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well first off, it's not that you can't sleep those hours. It's that you don't want to sleep those hours. Big difference. Also you say she wants to sleep those hours, but you already admit that she has to sleep those hours.

    That being said, neither of you are wrong. She's upset because falling asleep and waking up with her aren't as important to you as whatever else you are doing. That's understandable. Obviously that is something that is important to her, but just isn't to you. Different sleep schedules can cause conflict, but it doesn't have to be a huge issue if both people are willing to work out a compromise.

    Viper's suggestions are what I would suggest as well.
     
  5. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    Honestly i offered to do this but she told me she didn't want me to do that because she said she knows i'd rather be doing something else and staying up late. I told her i want her to be happy more than anything else but still she didn't like the idea of me doing that :dunno:
     
  6. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    It's honestly not that the other things are important. It's that if i go lay down with her when she goes to bed i won't be able to sleep and i'll just lay there for hours. If i was tired i'd love to go lay down with her but i can't stand laying down and not being able to sleep
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Then don't offer to do it. Just do it. She says she doesn't want you to do it, but that's not true. She just wants you to want to do it.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You can sleep the same hours as her just as easily as you sleep the hours you are now. Only difference is there is something going on at night that you don't want to miss.
     
  9. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    True, i'm going to start doing it. I'm just going to be so bored for the 3 - 4 hours until one of my roommates gets up :rofl:
     
  10. Viper

    Viper Livin' la vida scrotum OT Supporter

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    Quit listening to what she says. Women talk out their asses all the time, and the ONLY reason she told you that was to see if it was something you REALLY want to do or if you begrudgingly doing it. Nobody wants to force someone to do something like that, so she said that stuff to let you know she doesn't want to FORCE you to do it. It means more to her when you do it because you WANT to do it.

    And you, being in love with her and all, SHOULD want to do it.

    Your best option is to not take no for an answer. Resolve to sleep with her 4 nights a week and just do it. Don't talk about it, just do it. Even if she tells you to stop, just do it.

    Then, and only then, will she realize you WANT to do it.
     
  11. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    Not really, right now i'm just enjoying being able to actually sleep late. The semester just ended and it's only been like this for like a week or two
     
  12. Viper

    Viper Livin' la vida scrotum OT Supporter

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    Why don't you make that your gym time (or join a gym if you haven't already)?

    Those morning hours are great for exercise (plus it would help you to not go back to sleep) and for some "you" time.
     
  13. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    True, i really do want to make her happy and that seems like the only way. She does stay up later than she should on a normal basis because she wants to try to stay up as late as me but she just can't do it :hs:

    I do want to be able to go to bed at the same time as her but honestly i only thought of that solution last night :rofl:
     
  14. lauren

    lauren OT Supporter

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    hopefully, i'll be in the same position in a week or so.

    me, getting up at 7-8 for work, and him not having to be at work until after 10. i don't expect him to go to bed at 12, just like he probably doesn't expect me to stay up until 2. i imagine some nights ill go to bed alone, some nights i'll be bad and stay up... and there's probably going to be some nights he'll come cuddle early with me.

    such is life. :dunno:



    him not liking to wake up at 7 am has nothing to do with how much he loves me, and it would be silly to equate the two in any fashion.
     
  15. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    That is a brilliant idea actually. I need to start working out and exercising anyway. Plus i'm pretty sure my roommate who works out all the time would come with me if i woke his lazy ass up
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :werd: I always wanted to sleep in until I found out how amazing morning can be. Time to relax, work out, eat, etc. before I start my day actually makes me happier.
     
  17. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    She doesn't equate me not going to bed at the same time as her with how much i love her but she does get upset about it and it really bothers me that she goes to bed upset. Sleeping should be a pleasant experience and personally i can't stand going to bed upset
     
  18. lauren

    lauren OT Supporter

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    of course she does. you're choosing to spend your time doing something more fun, and she twists that around.
     
  19. Viper

    Viper Livin' la vida scrotum OT Supporter

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    I usually have to be at work at 7:30, so me getting up early enough would involve getting up at like 4 or 4:30 to get all the stuff I'd LIKE to do in the morning done.

    I just can't seem to get out of my immature mindset about wanting to stay up late at night. I would feel like an old geezer going to bed at 10 PM. :rofl:
     
  20. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    She does equate it to how much i love her or she does get upset?

    Either way I'm going to start getting up right after she leaves or work
     
  21. Viper

    Viper Livin' la vida scrotum OT Supporter

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    I don't think she's being overly ridiculous or twisting things here.

    It would be ridiculous of her to not be happy with the comprimise we mentioned. But NEVER going to bed with her or only 1 or 2 nights a week? Where's the intimacy at? The best time for intimacy is going to bed together.

    BTW, this is all coming from a guy who had this same arguement with his ex (trust me, if there's an arguement to be had out there, I went through it with my ex).

    She would get mad cause I didn't want to come to bed with her. And only now do I realize that I should've sucked it up once in a while and did it.
     
  22. Bcr821

    Bcr821 New Member

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    I know it sounds bad, but i'm going to be honest. My roommates always play Left 4 Dead before they go to bed and i LOVE that game. It's the only time they play and the only time i'd get to play with them (playing the game alone isn't fun)

    I guess i'll just have to write that game off :hs:
     
  23. lauren

    lauren OT Supporter

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    mid afternoon? before dinner? after dinner? i'm not saying never go to bed together but it's a little silly to demand he change his entire pattern around cause of her job.
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Yeah, I'm in the same position. There was about 2-3 weeks I was working at a different site where I got to come in at 9:30 and it was amazing. I did so much in the morning. Now I still give myself time to click around on my computer and shit, but it's not the same. :hsd:
     
  25. lauren

    lauren OT Supporter

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    cip. that mentality isn't healthy. or necessary. do this and soon you will resent your gf.
     

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