Never posted here before, so thanks ahead for listening. Short story: Befriended a girl. Fell for girl. Got close to girl. Shot down by girl. Agreed to stop liking girl. Oops, got jealous of girl (drunk night 1). Fell out with girl. Friends again. Got closer. Made out with girl (drunk night 2), awkward situation. Not closer anymore. Got even closer than before. Confessed love for girl (drunk night 3). NEED to stop liking girl. Long story: I moved here a year ago for school with no friends. In my o-chem class, I started up a study group which comprised primarily of me, a chinese girl, and a blonde girl. Over the semester, I developed an attraction to the chinese girl as well as developed friendships with both of them. The chinese girl held the venue for our studying since she lived right by campus, and more often than not, we'd end up passing out there. It got to the point where if we weren't studying, we were hanging out, every night of the week. Anyway, we got to be pretty good friends and I didn't want to jeopardize that by asking her out. But it got to the point that I felt the attraction was strong enough that I didn't want to risk not trying, you know? But I also assumed that she wasn't attracted to me. Well, over the winter break I told her how I felt and she let me down easy. But she expressed that I should try to stop liking her because she felt bad for not liking me. Now this girl, afaik, is a weird girl. After that, we still became closer friends, and I thought that I was getting over her. Somehow, when we'd crash during the next semester, we'd end up spooning on the futon. I don't think that helped. But the weird thing about her is that she likes to cuddle and stuff. So I figured that it's okay as long as nobody gets the wrong idea. About mid-spring semester we end up drinking on a friday night and she starts making out with another guy and I become overcome with jealousy and leave while definitely too drunk. At that point I realize that I had not gotten over her at all, and so did she. I ended up saying some bad things and we had a falling out, but we were back to our old selves 2 weeks later. We had our little talk about how I should stop liking her again. About a month later on another drunk night, we end up having a 3-way makeout session with the blonde girl aforementioned. Pretty much the whole 2 hours we were drunk until we passed out. We both decided that was a horrible idea in the morning, and she completely shuts me out with our usual physical interactions (i.e. spooning on the couch, poking bellies cause we could lose some weight). However, about a month later, we're back to "normal" by the end of the semester. Then her lease runs out, and her and her 2 roommates get the bright idea to find a 4-bedroom place and invite me as a 4th since I was practically living there with them anyway. Her only concern was how I might react if she brought guys home, to which I honestly responded that I'd have no problem, and admitted to still liking her, but mitigated. So we move in to a place near campus, and we all are on edge the first month and tempers flare. But everyone calms down soon after and we're all good friends again. She's stopped with the physical stuff though since she felt I took out most my anger on her. The whole summer goes pretty well up until about 3 weeks ago. On our way back from a dinner, she asks for a shoulder massage, which I routinely give her since she works her ass off. After I tire from that, I roll over beside her on her bed and we just start talking, and then she says "come cuddle with me!" This confused me, and I dodged the situation by rambling on. Then she ends up spooning with me a few moments later, and we end up sleeping like that. Then then next consecutive nights, we end up sleeping on the couch in the living room pretty much doing the same thing we used to, but tighter together since it's not as roomy as the futon was. Well, I got mixed signals from that for some reason. I guess it's because I still had feelings for her and wanted her to like me too, so I wanted to think that she was showing some sort of affection. Enter the 3rd critical drunk night. I had a little too much, but apparently I broke down and confessed my love to her, according to all parties present. She didn't feel comfortable at all, especially in front of our guests. I took off for vacation for 10 days the next morning and she sent me an e-mail 2 days later saying pretty much that we should stop hanging out as often, no more doing things as just the 2 of us, and nothing else physical. Also understand, she's pretty much the only friend I've made here, so that's a pretty deft blow to me. When I got back a few days ago, we sat down and talked and decided just to quit the physical gestures we do since we believe that it's not helping me. However, everything else we figure is alright as it used to be. Hanging out less is definitely going to happen since we both have full loads and share no classes or downtimes. But the most important point she wanted to make is that she hates that I like her because she feels horrible for not liking me back. I also hate that I like her because it's getting in the way of our friendship at times. So how do I manage to stop lusting for her? She's not an initially attractive person and it's not like I can just avoid her cause she's my roomie. I came to like her based on her personality. It's gotten to the point that I've wished that I was gay! But I need to find a way to stop. I love our friendship.