Ok, I'm not really new here at OT, I just don't want to post under my real name because: 1. Most of OT would recognize me. 2. My GF reads OT sometimes. oh and this is going to be really, really long and im not making cliffs.. i just need to get all of this off my chest.. Anyway, i did some things in this past week and its eating me up inside cause I cant tell anyone.. my gf has been out of town for the past 2 weeks on a vacation with her family. in this time i have hung out with my ex-gf 3 times. here's a short backstory.. me and my gf have been dating for 2 years, i have known my ex for almost 7 years and we "dated" on and off but nothing serious since we were both young and couldn't drive.. well then before I started dating my current gf, my ex and i dated for 7 months, somewhat seriously, but mostly just opportunity.. then we broke up and remained friends but since dating my current gf, we kinda lost contact, only talking every few weeks or so until she called me out of the blue and I agreed to go and hang out with her.. I also told her I was now single. well, i get there and we went out and we're having a great time and then we end up making out.. it was weird cause it felt like we never were apart and we just picked up where we left off.. then we hang out again and do a little more messing around and finally on the 3rd night we have sex. I can't say that I felt "bad" about cheating on my GF, but it felt weird being with another girl but at the same time, it felt so great.. she made me feel something I haven't felt in a long time, but I can't explain what. it felt new, it felt like a first date, and the way she rested her head on my shoulder, felt so nice and when she grabbed my face and kissed me, I actually felt something which is something i miss with my current gf. now i love my gf, believe it or not.. sometimes i do wish i could breakup with her and find someone else, but i cant provide a reason to do it, other than i'm seeking a new relationship for "the thrill of the chase" in a way.. and there has been times when we have gotten into pretty big arguments and all it would take is a few words from me and she would probably leave me, yet i talk my way out of it and do everything in my power to calm her down and make her happy again, because i really dont like to see her unhappy. or maybe i love her, but not in the way i should? i honestly dont know. i sometimes wish she would cheat on me so i would break up with her and there would be a great reason, or better yet, that she would dump me and not feel sad about it.. because seemingly, if i dumped her right now, she would lose it because I'm her world, I'm all she has. and thats a lot of pressure. but i dont think that's whats keeping me here.. it's just gotten un-exciting, when we kiss, yeah it's nice but it's not like a 1st kiss anymore, and most of the time i dont even feel like having sex, even though she is a VERY pretty girl and she turns ALOT of heads, so i am a lucky guy to have a girl like her and i know alot of guys who would love to have a chance with her.................. i dont even really know where I'm going with this, i just wanted to get it off my chest and hope someone will read it all and make an intelligent comment back, because im not a bad person and yes i realize what i did was all kinds of fucked up and i would be highly pissed if she did it to me, etc, etc, etc. so please dont preach to the choir. i also know some will say "just call her and break up with her now" but it's not that easy, when I'm not really sure that is what I even want.. right now, I have the chance to go out with a girl (not my ex) who I've wanted to date for years, so there's a great opportunity for that new spark in a relationship, yet when I think of it, i can't help but think of how sad my gf would be and how i would miss all the little funny things she does and the how sweet and loving she can be sometimes.. fuck i just dont know what to do..