SRS New city, no friends, crappy schedule

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
Last month I moved to Dallas from Waco.

I moved to Waco a year and a half prior from Los Angeles to attend grad school. While there, I had no trouble making friends- people I was in class with clicked with me, I met their friends, life was good.

Now, I'm not finding I'm having the same luck here. Part of the issue is my job; I'm a logistics manager for a large retail company, and have to be at work 5 days a week at 3:30am so we can get the truck unloaded by opening. I get home about 2:30 in the afternoon, exhausted as hell. I have to get to bed by 8 in order to make it to work the next day.

Needless to say this has made it difficult to meet people- plus I'm not exactly a pro at meeting new friends in random places like bars and stuff. I tend to feel like I'm being judged for being there alone and that most people won't give a shit who I am if I try to engage.

All my friends back home and in Waco were met through friends of a friend, or through organized activities- school, Boy Scouts, etc.

I've met a few people at work but I get the impression that most people who work for this company don't hang out together. So I'm somewhat afraid to initiate that for fear of violating some sort of unspoken rule and getting in trouble/jeapordizing my career.

I've gotta work every other weekend. The two I've been off thus far I got out of town to see people I know. I have to work this weekend, but I'm off next weekend and I'm making myself stay in Dallas to try and meet some new friends. So what the hell should I be doing to get some friends here. The loneliness is really starting to get to me.

Other info:
26
Girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me back in May because she wanted me to move back to CA
Have had a fairly fucked up time since then with some female friends, has eroded the crap out of my confidence.
 

CodeX

You work early morning flow at Target after going to grad school?
 
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IslanderOffRoad

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
You work early morning flow at Target after going to grad school?

Ugh. Thanks for hitting one of my depression triggers.

I hate hearing that. It really makes me hate my job, despite the fact that I don't mind the work I'm doing.

I didn't go to grad school intending to do this. Target was the only company that offered me an internship. I looked around for another job after the internship because I didn't want to do it, but the offer they gave me came with decent pay and the opportunity to promote to running a store after a year- typically that takes 3 years.
 

CodeX

I wasn't intending to criticize, just wondering what the deal was... I knew you were talking about Target because I worked the same position while I went to school...
 

Spiritus

Well-Known Member
Oct 15, 2002
19,323
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

Not everyone can have everything in the world at the same time.

If you do not have friends right now, that is OK.

I think your main priority should be making sure you are well rested for work and trying to find a new job that allows you to have more freedom.

In the mean time, that is a great place to learn how to live your life while at work. People just write off a third of their lives "I hate my work".
 

Spiritus

Well-Known Member
Oct 15, 2002
19,323
5 years is a long time. Most of us don't properly deal with our feelings. Take it easy bro.
 
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IslanderOffRoad

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

Not everyone can have everything in the world at the same time.

If you do not have friends right now, that is OK.

I think your main priority should be making sure you are well rested for work and trying to find a new job that allows you to have more freedom.

In the mean time, that is a great place to learn how to live your life while at work. People just write off a third of their lives "I hate my work".

I don't feel like its ok to not have friends here. I feel pretty forever alone whenever I get home from work. You think I should just bail town when I can to see friends down in Waco/get them to come up here when I'm off instead of focusing on finding new friends?

And as far as looking for the new job... its only been a month, I feel like I need to give this more of a chance before resorting to this. If I can get through this year it means a promotion with a much better schedule and nearly double my salary.
 

CRXican

God Loves Ugly
Nov 28, 2003
42,052
Los Angeles, CA
Forever Patron.

I guess I'm lucky to still have some nearby friends at the HHH house. Miss your silly ass though. Funny thing is, and it has been mentioned a couple times, is that I've hung out with Steve more often than those guys and he lives 350 miles away.

Hard to find good help these days.
 

Spiritus

Well-Known Member
Oct 15, 2002
19,323
You have two choices: stick to your current path or forge a new path.

I recommend to follow your path with conviction. You're going to have to deal with your feelings of loneliness and depression. Perhaps now is the time to put in the work to eliminate those feelings. Don't be deceived, you will be rewarded for however much you work on yourself, so work hard.

Learn how to be more content and how to be a friend to yourself. If you become a friend to yourself then friendship with others becomes much more worthwhile and beneficial for everyone. This is serious advice.
 

7960

Well-Known Member
Oct 17, 2004
60,033
New England
Join a sports league.

I moved 5 times in 6 years and always found a league I could play in. I just went and sIgned up as a single and was put on a "house" team. I'm pretty good, so before the end of that session I'd usually get asked to play next session on an established team. That means immediate acquaintances, and from there it's a short hop to friends.
 

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,850
Gotta move out of your comfort zone. I moved to a new city after college where I only knew one person. Starting hanging out with a few people from work, who introduced me to their friends, etc. Forging close friendships takes years, but you have to start by talking to people and expressing an interest in their lives.

Eventually I realized that nearly everyone in my peer group was in the same situation. Single, lives alone, and generally stressed out about weekend plans and loneliness. Everyone wants to be liked, and everyone enjoys making new friends, so as long as you're not too socially awkward, just start talking to people and you'll find some shared interests.

Any guys at work you get along with? Just say "hey man we should grab a beer after work" or something along those lines.

In many ways, meeting new friends is harder than dating because at least with dating women, your intentions are pretty much understood. :hs:

Good luck. Also (and I posted this a few times before) read the book "Who Moved My Cheese?" It's good for helping get you out of your comfort zone.
 

TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,850
and :werd: on meetup.com. I know guys who are in weekly poker games from that site. You really just need to make a few contacts and then push yourself to the point of inviting people to hang out outside of the organized group.
 
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IslanderOffRoad

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
Some changes I've made the past few days that I think are helping alot.

Told the ex g/f to stop talking to me. Can't be her friend yet. Deleted her #, blocked her on every form of messenger.

Decided I'm staying in Dallas next weekend to meet some people. Hoping to get together with OT's Dallas crew sometime this week.
 
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TopGun113

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2001
74,850
I know exactly how you feel. When I moved to Chicago I had a roommate for 6 months and really only hung out with him. Then he got married and I got my own place and was kind of thrown out there. I definitely went through some periods of loneliness - weekends especially, and still do.

I met some friends through work and hung out with them pretty much every weekend, then into a couple serious relationships with girls and lost touch with my friends. Three years later, I've reconnected with those friends and we hang out all the time now, with a much bigger group of people - and a lot of it is because I take the initiative to ask what they're up to for the weekend.

Being your own best friend helps, but as long as you're somewhat normal and not annoying, people like having friends.
 

calisteph6

Well-Known Member
May 5, 2005
18,461
KRAPROOM
You need to make friends in the area...or at least try. I moved away from my college town after college and wasn't very happy with it or my job. I only lasted 9 months because I was always driving back to my college town...but at least I had a super cool roomie.

It will make things more manageable if you try to make friends and you're young enough to make it happen. The sports team thing is a great idea...one of my friends has a ton of friends from her adult soccer league.
 

twenty

resident nerd
Jan 19, 2008
88
Canada
Join a sports league.
This. Sports is a great way to meet new people... you don't necessarily have to be talented in anything specific, either. Just go find an amateur club that gets together once or twice a week (once on a weekend would be great in your case).
 
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IslanderOffRoad

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
This. Sports is a great way to meet new people... you don't necessarily have to be talented in anything specific, either. Just go find an amateur club that gets together once or twice a week (once on a weekend would be great in your case).

My apartment community has a country club that has some leagues, once the weather gets better I plan to participate. Too damn cold right now.
 

oakback

New Member
Aug 25, 2008
1,129
N.FL
Off work afternoons? Learn to golf. Find people to golf with. Good way to make business connections, too.
 

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