I suppose its been a process long in the making, our relationship has long ago turned destructive. So attached to one another, not free, no true love for one another as we lost love for ourselves... Its been almost 2 years. We allowed our insecurities and vices to get the best of us and our relationship, I allowed her insecurities to control me, I lost my backbone and I allowed her Ego and my ego to make a fool of myself and my freedom. I have always been there to help her with all I could, but it was never enough, always been criticised for one thing or another: I sensed she wasnt trully happy, just attached to me as a crutch, thinking she can't do things or live without me. She lost faith in herself, in the universe, lost belief that she could do anything, was always so down, and I could do nothing about it. She didn't need me and doesn't know. I had to do this for her, I had to do this for myself, to free us from our insecurities. It's so fucking hard, when you are so attached and so affraid, but its something I had to do. I've never been able to break up with a woman before, this is a first step for me in a long journey of healing and self discovery, I was projecting childhood issues with my father unto her, allowing myself to be a doormatt... She was projecting her insecurities on to me. One of the hardest decisions I've taken. But i've lost emotional feeling, i've been down for so long, so hurt and keeping it all inside. I could rarely take a full deep breath, always pressure on top of me. Guilty for wanting us to be free, allowing her and my insecurities to control my destiny... now I need time for myself, to finally concentrate on myself. She hasn't understood yet, she's blaimed me for leaving her at "a very difficult time" ( she's got some school assignments due ) .... I told her it wouldn't make a difference she would always have assignments due if not tomorrow then again the day after. I can't keep pretending, what had to be done had to be done now and things happen when they do so for a reason. She says she hates me for leaving now, its ok for her to be angry, its something she must experience. Its hard though to be strong and hear that. However I know in my heart she doesn't mean it. I suppose this is just a rant. 4th long term relationship and i'm learning about myself more than before. I'm doing something I have never been able to do and its very important. It hasn't fully hit me yet, I'm sad right now, longing for attachment. I will allow myself to heal. Relationships teech us so much about ourselves, only when we have courage enough to learn from them, courage enough to do something we havn't been able to do before. Set ourselves free, and experience TRUE LOVE.