LOVE Past crushes

2500

So I've been with my BF for almost 2 and a half years. I moved to Tennessee to be with him back in June of 06. I have only seen my friends and family a handful of times since I moved. Well, every time we are in Chicago, he feels he HAS to follow me around and go everywhere I go. I wanted to see a friend of mine last night and he wouldn't let me. I had a crush on this guy almost 9 years ago, and I'm not allowed to hang out with him now. WTF? Is this normal, or should I be not happy about this? I don't still like this guy obviously, its been 9 friggen years. I moved to Tn, left all my friends and family, and it just gets to me that I can't see a friend of mine that I've known for 10 years because I had a crush on him 9 years ago. We never even did anything, not even kissed. Just makes no sense, because at this point, hes just a long time friend, and it pisses me off that I can't hang out with him. Any advice? :sadwavey:
 
TS
TS

2500

sounds like your bf is insecure with you.

where do you think this might come from?

While we were dating, and I was living in Illinois and he was in Tennessee, and I had never even met him, I went to first base (to use a 90's term) with a long time friend of mine. He said I cheated on him and hasn't let me forget it since. Its been over 2.5 years. I understand maybe I didn't make the right decision, and it was kinda shady, but, we lived 600 miles apart, he was an internet "bf" if that, and I wasn't aware we were exclusive after meeting on myspace and talking on the internet. Since moving there, I have never cheated on him and never would. I don't cheat when I'm in committed relationships, but when I meet someone on myspace who lives 600 miles away, it was a little different.

He always says he trusts me, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't show he does. And to add insult to injury, last year, he went to a gay bar, "fell in love" with some douche bag loser, broke up with me, had unprotected sex with this dude, then got back together with me 3 days later. Hmph, and I'm the one who can't be trusted.... :ugh:
 

Matitulo

If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi
Dec 12, 2006
1,026
Bay Area
Sounds like you need to sit down with the BF and have a talk about unrealistic expectations. If he can't understand that you're allowed to have other friends outside of the relationship, then maybe it's time to let him go.
 

ManyHamsters

There are necessary pursuits... but poetry, beauty
Jun 6, 2006
2,013
Toronto
Sounds like you need to sit down with the BF and have a talk about unrealistic expectations.

this.

along with bringing up the point you mentioned above, would be a great way of having him deal with the idea of trust in a relationship, from both of your perspectives
 
TS
TS

2500

get rid of the insecure bf...now!!

Thats easier said than done. I feel like I have so much invested. 2.5 years, I moved to Tennessee and just signed a lease on a Townhouse with him. I don't consider myself all that attractive, and, I was single for 8 years before I met him, and the good times are really good, and I have no experience in break ups and getting over people. It scares me. I don't want to be alone again because what if I don't find anyone else? What if this is just a test for our relationship? I know those are all shitty reasons to stay with someone, but I do love him. Really, we get along great all other times. Its just that as soon as seeing someone I might find attractive, or someone I was attracted to a decade ago, or if I want to go out without him for 1 damn night, thats when it's like, instant attitude, no trust, arguing.

We had a fun night last night, and I was texting my friend who stopped up where we were and said hi. He said he was cleaning his place and he thought since I was only in town for 2 days, I should stop over, catch up, and check out all the Obama rally pics from Chicago. So my BF asked who I was texted and I said Matt, and I said "He asked if I wanted to chill over there for a bit and check out pics from the Obama rally, do you care if I go over there?" (mind you, everything was fine before this). He said "Yes, I care, it's stupid, can't he put them on myspace? Did he not use a digital camera?" I'm like "Oh, OK....." and told my friend I wasn't allowed and just went to bed.

It's like, wtf.... It's like walking on eggshells too, cuz if I were ever like "Well, he's my friend, and I moved to Tennessee to be with you, and I only see my friends like, 2 times a year, and I'm going to go hang out for a bit..." There would be instant threatening of breaking up with me. He threatens that alot. If we argue, it's always "Well, I'm just going to leave, I don't want to be with someone like that." For the stupidest shit ever. It's not like I'm having sex, and doing drugs. I just miss my friends. And it makes me feel really bad because I up and left all my friends. I went against the bro's before hoe's. (not that my bf's a hoe, but you catch my drift.) I just up and left them, and now when I'm home for 3 days a year, I'm not allowed to see them unless he tags along and sits there staring at me, doesn't talk, and makes me uncomfortable. Uuuuuugh!
 
TS
TS

2500

Sounds like you need to sit down with the BF and have a talk about unrealistic expectations. If he can't understand that you're allowed to have other friends outside of the relationship, then maybe it's time to let him go.

Whats so funny, is HE just had "the talk" about unrealistic expectation to ME, lol. It was because I expected him to clean his fork and not leave it in the sink after I spent over 4 hours cleaning the other day. He slept late, like he always does, I woke up at 8:30am and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Scrubbed the floors, dusted, counters, kitchen, everything. He gets up at like, noon, has something to eat and tosses his fork in the sink. I give him a half smile, raised eyebrow look about it, and he actually starts an argument about how I shouldn't put unreal expectations on him, lol. Sorry that I just assumed since I cleaned for 4 hours, you might be able to wash your damn fork and not leave it in the sink I just cleaned.
 
TS
TS

2500

this.

along with bringing up the point you mentioned above, would be a great way of having him deal with the idea of trust in a relationship, from both of your perspectives

Which point are you talking about? About me moving to Tn to be with him and not seeing my friends ever? Good luck. When I bring that up, it's: "well no one is forcing you to be here. If you want to leave then leave."
 

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