LOVE Porn in the relationship help...

ThomasAJ

New Member
Nov 10, 2008
690
Seattle
If pornography has become an issue in a marriage what is the right and wrong ways of handling it? Whether it being a replacement of an actual love life or just the convenience of not having to go through seduction, foreplay & possible rejection? Is there a solution? What if porn in a marriage is not mutually accepted by both parties? No doubt does this issue some with extreme circumstantial factors but just how important is the use of pornography when it comes to masturbation, male or female. Is it a "necessity"? Or is habitual?
 

antihero

OT Supporter
Aug 19, 2002
15,294
NYC
No, just looking for opinions.

This question has come up 8 million times in here and most were started by more personally interesting stories and scenarios. Do a search if you want opinions. Its been gone over from every angle before.
 
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THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
the only time porn should be an issue in a RS is if you are denying your SO sex and replacing it with porn.

if your SO is giving you shit for watching porn put her in her place.

if you SO is turning you down for sex and yet has an issue with you watching porn put her in her place even harder.
 

Toxica

Active Member
Mar 10, 2008
1,993
IN
the only time porn should be an issue in a RS is if you are denying your SO sex and replacing it with porn.

if your SO is giving you shit for watching porn put her in her place.


if you SO is turning you down for sex and yet has an issue with you watching porn put her in her place even harder.

By that you mean throw her over the bed, ass up, and rape her? Sounds like an excellent solution. I approve.
 

JohnQPoster

New Member
Nov 12, 2010
780
If pornography has become an issue in a marriage what is the right and wrong ways of handling it?

Depends, what is the crux of the issue?

Whether it being a replacement of an actual love life or just the convenience of not having to go through seduction, foreplay & possible rejection?

Sounds like laziness to me, if someone is too lazy to please their partner and they wack off instead, (so much that it becomes an issue for their partner) then they have no business being in a relationship. If a person would rather jerk it as opposed to having sex with their partner, they had ought to let the partner go find someone who will please them sexually and then the person can jerk it all they want. How could someone be in a sexless relationship when the one person wants sex and the other masturbates too much to have sex. If someone masturbates so much that they cannot preform and it becomes an issue for their partner, there is a problem. Everything in moderation, same with drugs or alcohol, when it begins to effect your life (or the lives of those around you) there is a problem; Also if you take stupid risks, such as masturbating at work.

Is there a solution? What if porn in a marriage is not mutually accepted by both parties?

I suppose the people could work something out, it would depend on the level of satisfaction in other aspects of the relationship. If there was a problem, the person causing the problem would have to be willing to get things back to a satisfactory situation or the other person would have to be willing to deal with it. Same as with any other problem a marriage or partnership may have.

No doubt does this issue some with extreme circumstantial factors but just how important is the use of pornography when it comes to masturbation, male or female. Is it a "necessity"? Or is habitual?

Not all that important. It is nice sometimes, but there is something to be said for just wacking it without having to use all this damn equipment and without having to do all that research, which takes more time. One thing if I am there already, but to turn on the computer and then pull something up... gets to be like work. I get so worked up by the porn that it schemes that sometimes it takes as (much or more) effort than sex.
 

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
I have a problem with it if I am not getting sex from my partner.
:werd:

I'd also have a problem with it if my partner were to be particularly preoccupied with a particular actress....like only watching porns with her in it etc.

But other than that, I don't have a problem with porn. I go thru my own seasons of watching and not watching. As long as you're not being sneaky about it or abusing it or our sexual activity declines or becomes lazy as a result of it, I'm not too worried about porn.

I've tried watching some with my SO but I've never really gotten into it watching as an arousal tool with my partner. I'd rather focus ALL my attention on pleasing him and being pleased by him, then pausing to watch. :dunno: but that's just me...I'm not opposed to watching with him if the mood was right though.

I think if it becomes a necessity to masturbation its starting to fall into a cautionable place.
 

Tevin

Member
Sep 11, 2010
453
Relationships operate on a "least common denominator" principle, meaning, the only acceptable level of anything (porn, Sunday football, in-laws, etc.) is whatever the least tolerant half of the couple will put up with. Fairly or not, any more than that and there will be problems.

The obvious (but not necessarily easy) way around this is for one half or the other to raise (or lower) their level of acceptability.

If the porn is a symptom of some larger issue, then resolving that issue should also make the porn "problem" go away too.

If a satisfactory compromise cannot be reached, or the problem that incited the porn use is not addressed, then there is no solution. People have gotten divorced over this. It happens.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
TS disappeared.... my $ is on the gf not putting out yet getting pissed at him for looking at porn.
 

Nucleartiger

Clemson makes my nipples hard
Feb 15, 2005
3,634
Irmo, SC
the only time porn should be an issue in a RS is if you are denying your SO sex and replacing it with porn.

if your SO is giving you shit for watching porn put her in her place.

if you SO is turning you down for sex and yet has an issue with you watching porn put her in her place even harder.

This is how things are with my wife. She doesn't ever want to have sex yet throws an absolute fit when I look at porn. She tried watching it with me one time and didn't want to watch any more after about 5 minutes of it.

However, if you put a chick flick on where there is some heavy petting scenes in it she is on my dick faster than Usain Bolt in the 100m dash.
 

Rellik

New Member
Feb 2, 2005
6,362
:rofl: crazy bitch

yeah being denied sex by your SO is fucked up

anyway the reason many guys browse porn in their relationships is cause the girl just becomes boring... evolution made it so that every time you orgasm with the same person, you get less dopamine in your brain from being around them and don't get aroused as much. Human relationships weren't "designed" to last much longer than a few years before the inevitable burn-out..

the only solution is to either cut down on orgasms to de-tox and then do the non-orgasmic sex some of the hindus etc made up, or hit the dopamine by fucking other girls and/or tricking your brain into thinking you're fucking new girls by using porn.. however in that case you will develop more and tolerance in which case your SO won't do much for you anymore
 

MissKitty

If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum'
OT Supporter
Jun 21, 2004
53,358
Dingoland
If I was denying my husband sex, or I didn't feel like sex, I would openly welcome him using porn as an outlet.
If we were having a substantial amount of sex and he still looked at sex I would be questionable as to why he needed more but I wouldn't get annoyed.
If I wanted sex but was being rejected or the quality was low due to him using porn to get off, I would be livid.

edited: I don't think porn ever 'just becomes' an issue. If you're in a relationship with someone you know what they like and what they dont like. So you've either known your partner doesn't like porn and hidden it from them, or your partner hasn't had an issue before and something has changed to make it an issue.
 
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MissKitty

If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum'
OT Supporter
Jun 21, 2004
53,358
Dingoland
Aren't you the same person who forbids your husband to look at porn?
I am a person who had serious issues with porn and one of the ways I dealt with it was asking my husband to not look or use it for his pleasure. We've looked/watched porn together.

This has recently changed and he's got free reign to porn it up whenever he likes so that's where my comments come from.

I'm trying to become a better wife :dunno: I still hold onto the fact he agreed to not look at porn and said it wasn't an issue for him not to so I don't feel like a lot of the hate is justified, but I fully acknowledge that I have issues and I have made him suffer because of it. It wasn't until recently he said he felt like not looking at porn was an issue and that he would like to not feel the guilt associated with stumbling over it or having it emailed to him. And as soon as he told me this I listened and responded to him
 

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