The challenge was to start at 10:00am and not to end until 10:00pm that day. The night before, I had been excited about seeing how I would do today. I expected some discomfort, maybe a little embarrassment, but overall, I reasoned that the accomplishment and challenge itself would over ride all of that. I looked forward to it. I was not going to urinate using the traditional means of going to the toilet. If/when I needed relief, I was going to do so elsewhere. I was not to enter a bathroom facility of any kind, any place, for 12 hours. Sounds kinda easy, right? I woke up at 9am, laid out my clothes and headed for the bathroom sleepily. I wish I could say I had enough foresight to savor this moment, but to be quite honest, I took it for granted. In seconds, the last time I would urinate with the luxury of using a bathroom was over. I got online, checked some mail, a couple of online forums I frequent, and pretty much went about my day as normal. I held out on drinking water. I was going to fight this one as long as I could. I talked with a friend about my progress. Pictures were shared with me..lovely pictures of waterfalls, springs.. He was trying to mock me. I laughed it off, not yet uncomfortable. About 12:00, I left to go run some errands. “Do not piss until I get back..anywhere.” was echoing in my head. I smiled, still unaffected. By this time, I had given up on my fluid deprival and was sipping a root beer through a straw while I drove. Caffeine was not the best choice for me because about 45 minutes later..i got a tingle in my bladder. I squirmed in my seat a little. I have to be honest at this point. I was sort of looking forward to the experience and was almost elated to feel my bladder asking to be relieved. I kept smiling and drove home to tell him about this. When I got back, he wasn’t around. So I waited. And about a half hour passed by. I was starting to get a little more uncomfortable. A thought occurred to me several times, “what if its on purpose? What if he’s not coming back for hours?” I dug around the forum for a while, finding topics to distract me. The tingling in my bladder was becoming more insistent. I took a moment to share with his “away” message my discomfort. The Christmas song I had been listening to earlier was still playing on repeat on my media player and I laughed to myself as I realized that “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” would probably forever hold a different meaning for me. And would probably make me have to pee. He finally arrived to an exasperated and grateful Jen. And thought it was hilarious. “Where are you going to go, Jen?” “I don’t know…I was thinking about the back yard. But..” I hesitated about using the back yard. Not so much about the fact that it is snowing here in SLC, Utah, and not so much about the fact that my backyard is almost a solid sheet of ice, and not even so much that I was afraid people would see. It was my dogs. You see, we have a dog door. And the idea of my dogs coming outside WITH me, to pee WITH me..was just..a humiliating thought. My face blushed red hot at the thought of how horribly degrading that would be. I just couldn’t let that happen. So I waited. I waited and waited and kept looking for more and more distraction. And in the middle of it all, I still was so happy to be doing this. And I wasn’t entirely sure why..I just was. I liked his involvement, even If it was to tease me. “I’m going to go pee, Jen..” followed moments later with, “Oh, that was great. Such a relief of pressure.” I had now started gritting my teeth and adjusting my posture to allow for my uncomfortably swelling bladder. A heat started to fill my chest, one I usually recognize as anger. He informed me we were 4 hours into it. The number amazed me. I sat up and changed out of my now tight jeans, wondering how any human being could fit in them comfortably, slipped into my grey aerobics pants, breathing a sigh of temporary relief as I found more room. I started thinking about the back yard..forming a plan. But I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. I became confused. Why was this so hard to do? Why wasn’t it “hot” anymore? Wasn’t I sitting in this very chair yesterday thinking how hot it would be to be toilet trained? To not have control over my own bodily function? And now here I was, sweating, irritated and a little panicky, trying to force myself to get up out of this chair and go outside and pee. Like a dog. The “like a dog” part stopped me every time. I couldn’t bring myself to do it! “I thought you liked pain, Jen..” he teased me. “This is a different kind of pain. If you hit me, its still controlled. And I can put that kind of pain somewhere, ignore it, push it aside. This ….I can’t win. The pain only gets worse, until I give up or pee myself. Theres no winning, here.” “Depends on who’s perspective you’re seeing it from…” I stood up, walked around my room, sat down. Every step felt like a big water balloon in my abdomen. It ached. It tickled. It pulsed. I turned off that now irritating Christmas song quickly and put my chin down on my knee..breathed out calmly and rethought the backyard. “If I lock the backdoor…then maybe they can’t come out.” That was enough for me. “Okay, I have to go.”, I said and sat up to leave. “Wait..6 more minutes. Then it will be 5 hours. Then you can go.” “Fine.” I replied, frustrated and admittedly, a little ticked. I really couldn’t care less if I made it to EXACTLY 5 hours or not. I needed to PEE. Badly. Still, I did appreciate this small act of control over my comfort and ultimately, my body. “Okay, im going..” I said, mistaking the time. “No..one more minute, Jen..” I thought about counting the time down in my head..60, 59, 58, 57..but I couldn’t even concentrate on that. I sat frozen, waiting for the word “Go.” “Okay Jen..Enjoy.” “I’ll be right back!” I exclaimed and jumped up, racing to my back door. When I got there, I closed it carefully behind me..and walked slowly outside. It was freezing and in my haste, I had forgotten my shoes. Nevermind that..where was I going to do this?? I looked around my yard, eyed my neighbors windows. I had never noticed how much they could seemingly look directly into my space. I walked around my yard, eyeing all the angles, aching to just tear down my pants and go wherever. I finally chose a spot closest to the back door and took one last look around, then hunched down, pulling my pants down low. I barely had them down before my bladder gave out and I was peeing. Only a few seconds into it, I realized I had a problem. A river of urine was surrounding my foot and I couldn’t seem to move away from it fast enough. I sure couldn’t stop peeing long enough to move to a different spot. So my foot was soon warm with piss and sinking into the wet soggy ground it lay on. I was thoroughly disgusted. How did it feel to pee? Oh god..amazing. Like I had never peed before in my life. I was gasping and my heart was pounding with adrenaline. I was ashamed, excited, embarrassed and relieved all at once. When I had finished, I realized another little problem. I hadn’t planned ahead. And so..with no toilet paper to help clean me up, I pulled my pants on gently and loosely and tiptoed into the house, as to not stir any extra drops of pee to falling. I stepped into my bathroom, the first time I had seen it in hours, and wiped up. I then put my stinking pee and mud stained feet into the tub and washed them. The warm water from the faucet stung and burned my toes painfully as I cleaned them. Drying my feet off with a towel, I walked back into my room and shared the experience with my friend, who laughed and said he had secretly hoped I would have peed myself instead, unsuccessfully making it to the back yard. He also shared this thought with me that I will pass on to you. “Sometimes a fetish isn’t really all that hot, is it?” Maybe this wasn’t hot. But I would do it again in a heartbeat.