Hi. I am thirteen now, and so, I joined this message board. I have been looking around here for a year now, and now that I am old enough to come here... Well, I'm here. Anyways, there is this girl I have liked since 4th grade. It's weird... Since the first time I looked at her, I just always liked her. But, of course, I couldn't do anything. She's the top person in the popular clique, while I am that fat kid who not many would want to be with. Since last year, I noticed that even though a lot of my friends would be like "Oooh, that girl is hot" or something like that about any girl, I saw their beauty, yes, but I never saw anything that would want me to be with them forever. Thats when I relized I was screwed. See, her having her status and me having mine, I have pretty much no way of ever being with her. I don't know why, but her friends just don't like me much, and this is how it turned out. The thing is... I don't think I could actually love someone ever the same way I love her. I see relationships in my school where they last for about 1 week to about a month, usually because they get bored of eachother or want to be with "another hot girl." But... I have never been with anyone, and that girl is the one I want to be with forever. But... Like I said, I fear it will never happen. Why shouldn't I ask? Well, as the fat kid, and her status of the most popular girl makes me think that even if I do ask her out and she says no, she the news will go everywhere and I will be humilated (sp?) everywhere. No, I do not go into any sports. I like sports, I just don't have the ability to play many. I am about 145 lb. at almost 5' 1". She is a beautiful girl. I know that no two people in this world are exactly alike, which makes me scared that if I don't get her soon, I might not love someone again. Yes, I am young and still have a lot of life left in me, but if I do ever get married or something with someone, I will never be happy. She is the one I want. I have tried to lose weight. I've only gained about 15 pounds these 3 and a half years, which I don't think is too bad. I just try not to gain more, and I also try to lose it as much as I can. But it's just not that easy... I don't stare at her every chance I get... I just look at her if I see her right then or I might glance at her when I can in any class I might have with her. I don't want to stare at her to make her think I'm staring at something else. There was this one guy she was with a little while ago. One time, she asked him if he liked her friend, and he said he wasn't sure. I felt so bad at that moment, it was almost as if he was calling her ugly or something, and I just got angry. If I was ever with her, I wouldn't take her for granted any second. I would love her. And about her some more... I'm not sure if I was classify it as "hot". I believe that is somewhat discriminating (sp?) against women. All women are beautiful in some way, if it's not the physical way. But I just... I dunno, it doesn't feel like a crush. Crushes come and go... I didn't find girls attractive until like 5th grade or something (I know, a little late, lol), but I just... I dunno, it was a feeling I had never felt for any girl that I started feeling last year. I had known her since 4th grade and really liked her then. I thought it was a crush then, but it's just... Love? I'm not sure. No, I don't want to bone or bang anyone. Sex is a passionative thing. The relationship has to be pretty far in before sex can happen, otherwise, it's just not a loving type sex, just a type where you have to brag about after you do it. If I would ever be with her and have sex, she should have to want to. Even then, I would try to convince her out of it, since it's probably not what she would want, just something she would want to do for me to satisfy me or something. But, in my opinion, it's the women that should rule the relationship. Everything that happens must go with her. My big brothers have told me that when you get married or with a girl, you eventually get bored and want some "more." Well... the thing is, I don't think I would ever want more. This girl has anything I'd ever want from anyone. I don't think I would ever get bored with her. Her smile, pretty face, beautiful body, her great personality and attitude... It's all I think I'd ever want from a person. Oh yes. I don't eat like normal Americans. I don't eat 3 meals a day. I sometimes eat lunch, and I usually have a dinner like rice or something (Not the greacy Asian rice, Persian type) with meat or different types. I'll show pictures later if I find any... The problem is I guess I have a slow matabilism or something, because I don't excersize much. Otherwise, I don't eat bad, really. I might eat a McDonalds or some fast food place everyone few months if there is nothing to eat. I gained a lot of my weight in second grade when I broke my legs and I didn't get to move around much, and ate. I think thats around when I started to lack the excersize I used to have. I guess thats when I made my biggest life mistake.