I just read through this thread ( http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3974587 ) and it closely resembles how I have been feeling right now / recently. A Little Background: I had a large group of acquaintances all throughout high school while having a solid 5-6 friends that I have hung out with since I was very very young. I got my first real girlfriend towards my senior year, lost my virginity to her, and dated her for almost 10 months. We thought we loved each other and in all reality I think I always will. She broke up with me and it annihilated my emotions. I had never felt so betrayed by someone that I had given all my emotional trust to. After this, I went crazy. I was drinking heavily on the weekends, sleeping around with anyone that would sleep with me. I did this all the way until I got to college and now I am here. First off, I only get upset / lonely whenever I am alone and recently, since I got to college, I have been having thoughts about my ex and just my overall happiness in general. I met this awesome girl about three weeks ago and we get along great, shes cute, but I just feel like I am not letting her in to actually get to know me. This is upsetting me greatly becuase I want to be able to let this girl into my life and get to know me but I just feel like there's something stopping me and it's not that I'm not attracted to her, it's something else. This is why I made reference to my ex earlier, I feel that it might have something to do with me putting so much into my last relationship that I am scared to put anything into this one and I am sincerely torn on what to do. I have also considered the fact that I might just be looking to feel loved again as I did whenever I was at home. I had all my friends, my family, and girls that could fill the sexual emotional void. I am a Freshman at college and I left all of my best friends whenever I went to school and ever since I got here I haven't been very happy. I have recurring feelings of depression and I have found my self starting to drink and smoke much more than I would like. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to love someone again as well as feel loved again. I'm not trying to sound like a cheesy lame ass but I just don't really know what to do. I honestly don't know what I'm trying to get out of posting this but just shoot the shit at me becuase as of now, I'm open to anything. P.S. - Sorry about the shitty grammar. I'm working on it!