Project: girlfriend

Latest update: june 15th. (its bolded)

warning: this is a long post, if its boring just dont read it The vag has been kinda quiet lately anyway. hopefully the field reports will get more interesting. obviously all the girl names are made up. Feel free to bash/critique, but try to keep it all in good fun, as that is the intent of this thread.

Ok, I'm in a weird place. I've never really "wanted" a girlfriend before. Usually its just something that happens in the normal pursuit of fun times, sex, friends, etc. I just got out of a 2.5 year largely long distance relationship though, and ive really missed having someone who will reliably be there.

hard standards:

smart, pretty, fun
not a pain in the ass. tantrums/outburst/negativity should be very rare.
flexible. Cant be too uptight. must be socially adaptable and not freak out if we need to think on our feet and change plans, or are running late or take a wrong turn.
Must have a reasonable amount of flexible time to devote to the relationship.
Likes sex and has positive and open attitude about it.
Giving. Cant be selfish or lazy.
Can't be one of those people who lives for "their shows" or schedules a day around what’s on TV
Should go to the gym, or be open to starting.
no kids
sane, reasonable
ladylike when it comes to bodily functions. As much discretion etc as biologically and reasonably possible. I understand, sometimes something slips, or cant be held in, but it doesn’t need to be as loud as possible, and its not hysterically funny. many things that happen in the bathroom never need to be brought up in conversation.
No smokers. gross.

flexible standards:
has own car
down for anything anytime anywhere sexual attitude
has some idea what its like to pay your own way and handle your own business.
Has some real passionate interest or hobby that can be somewhat shared.
decent social life/friends
funny
frequent orgasms from intercourse (this isn’t all that flexible )

would be nice:
Video gamer
gym rat
Hot. hot face, nice hair, large breasts, round ass, flat stomach would be nice
Compatible taste in music would be nice, her introducing me to cool new punk/hardcore/indie would be awesome.
Dresses well and with some obvious style.
A bit of badgirl edginess. Style/music/lifestyle/attitude. Most super good girls bore me to tears.
I have a party hard attitude and neurotic body builder wannabe diet and dedication. I want a girl that’s down for last call shots and kegs and beer pong, but doesn’t give me too hard a time when I take a few months off booze Some kinda workable compromise here would be nice.


3/23
cupcake, a girl i met at the bar a while ago calls me up and wants to hang out. Shes is already out of the running because she has a kid, but she seems really nice and cool, so Ive been trying to work her in as a friend. I have no idea what im doing on that account. I figure why not so I go. Im 10 minutes late (cleaning my room, just in case ) and by the time i get there she has had a kid emergency come up. She calls to apologize and tell me to grab her credit card which she left. Spend the night hanging out with the guys.

3/24
cupcake comes over my place to pick up her credit card. Since this girl is already out, im not sure why i spend 15 minutes picking out the right "worn-out-around-the-house-on-saturday-morning" clothes. She comes over, but on the way runs into a curb and damages her wheel. I get to bust out the tools and flex my tri's as I handily change the tire. She has definitely got a positive vibe going on now and comments on how handy, strong, and well equiped with tools I am. I spend the time giving her a hard time and making her laugh, so shes not feeling too bummed. She then text me a few times and puts some comments on myspace up that its hard to believe arn't specifically worded to sound like she spent the night. "friday night antihero blah blah blah...he is amazing... then saturday morning he..." I am sure my ex is thrilled as well as any other potentials on myspace. Marking her territory or honest mistake? And what happened to me trying to friendzone her?

3/27
Field report Failed miserably. Passed a smoking hot girl in the grocery store, going the opposite direction. Turned around and followed her but she went straight for checkout and I only had a single can of tuna. Gave myself some lame excuse about being nearly 1.5 feet taller then her being an issue. absolutely gorgeous.

Ex calls and says shes comming to town for a few days and wants to see me. I agree

3/28
Cupcake calls and offers to buy me the burrito I told her she owes me. was sleeping, called her back and left a message.

Ive been spending far too much time with one of my good female friends, rocky. Shes a really good friend, excellent gym buddy, party buddy, etc. If we keep this up we are probably going to end up banging. I doubt any good can come of that. On a side note, if anyone wants to see a feature length porno set to classical music and featuring a historical plot and characters, watch caligua.

3/30
cupcakes myspace "um idk probably not cause the only boy I went on a sorta date with once n then he hit on my best friend a few days later so probably not." I'd completely forgotten about that.

3/30

This hurt a lot. I can't move my arms above my shoulders, but other then that and some soreness, walked away without more then a scratch or two in a 450 degree rollover without a seatbelt. I was spitting out glass after the accident. must have been screaming with all the glass flying around.

3/31
Date with cupcake. She takes me out to dinner. She looked really good. Over dinner she drops at least half the red flags in the book. restraining orders, her stilettos + exbf's paintjob, places she doesnt/shouldnt go for fear of running into people. Told her I'd probably meet her at the bar later. really really good.

later:
was thinking about blowing it off, but as it was, my friends were going to that bar anyway. Went, hung out for a while. Things went ok, I guess, but I just didn't have any enthusiasm at all and it showed. I must say it is a unique experience for me being out at a bar talking to an attractive woman and thinking "yeah, but where is this going?" Hopefully this will be the end of this. I doubt she will call me and I don't plan on calling her.

4/13
after a quiet weekend last week I decide i need some excitement. I head down to NYC. I'm with a few friends that I met back in my raver days and we decide to go to one for old times sake. Good time. I dance my ass off even though im definitely a bit rusty. There are a few promising women there, but i get distracted because my first choice keeps looking at me, making brief eye contact, etc yet she is fairly clearly with some other guy. Seemed to have a few girls interested in me, but I just couldnt get into it.

3:15am. head out to meet my friend puck at a bar and crash at her place. The cab i called arrives and promptly tells me to go screw myself. greaaat. I finally arrive at the bar around 4:15 (last call is 4am in new york) The lights are out at the bar, but my friend is a regular and hangs with the owner. The owner/bartender/crew invite Puck and I to an after hours bar. Shes a bit tipsy and having fun and I'm still all fired up so we agree to go. We catch another cab to the afterhours place, which turns out the be three blocks away from where i started A tough way to burn $40. The afterhours bar is very cool. Gotta know someone to get in, but yet the crowd is actually pretty good. I'm feeling really good and manage to make friends with a lot of the guys at the bar. I'm playing pool and and having fun. There are three attractive girls in the bar (3 attractive girls in the bar at 5am+?! I LOVE nyc)

One of the attractive girls is part of the crew that invited us. bartendress definitely has my interest because she is the only one of the girls laughing and joking. We chat for a bit, and im just being outgoing and friendly more then anything. Things are going well. Shes giving me the big smile and starts touching me. I switch gears but make a major misstep. She has a huge purse/bag. I poke fun, and she looks at me, all humor drained from her face, and just tells me "yes, yes, it IS a big purse. i keep a lot of things in it." and rolls her eyes in tedious exasperation. Ok, i guess it was a bit obvious, but I can't imagine how many times she must have heard it before to get that kind of reaction. I back off a bit and go back to hanging out with "everybody" instead of focusing on her. Puck is getting inebriated and affectionate. This seems to be having the dual positive effects of putting me in a good state and making the bartendress wonder.

I'm shooting pool and she is trying the ol ass wiggle to distract you from shooting trick. I completely ignore her and sink the shots. Well i don't completely ignore her exactly. I think she actually bought that its completely normal to flex every muscle in your arm while shooting pool, and shes getting a lot more distracted then I am. Some other guys wander over to our end of the bar and start going to work. They are cool enough and actually join in on the conversation, but they are going with the blatant full court press on the bartendress. They have a very bad habit of giving each other the big fratboy grinning "oh yeah" nod when they think shes not looking. I’m just bouncing around the bar, telling stories and making everyone laugh and hanging out with puck.

I catch the bartendress' eye at give her the "how's it going over there with those jokers?" look and she gives me the big smile back. I'm tempted to go over and try to "win" but ive got the feeling that’s just not the right play. If she is seriously considering them over me, then I don't want her.

It's getting pretty.. umm early. Daylight is starting to really show around the edges of the curtains and people start to call it a night. The three fratboys leave and the bartendress is just kind of standing around by herself near the front door. I head for her. I tell her "we should hang out sometime. give me your number." She eagerly says yes and gives me the number. Then mentions maybe we could go to the gym and work out... I will definitely be calling her this week.

get to bed around 8am I think. crash in puck's dorm room bed. We both pass out in a hurry. Alarm at 11:15AM and we are out before noon…

I get to lunch with my ex at around 1pm. She had sent me a text the night before letting me know her mom was coming with her So yeah, lunch was a bit uncomfortable. It was definitely weird sitting next to someone who has been such a big part of your life and just being able to feel what’s not there anymore and what goes unsaid while you make pleasant conversation like strangers. It definitely felt a lot like closure, and I’m really glad I did it. I liked her long hair a lot, so when we broke up she cut it really short. It really feels like what’s gone is gone forever now, and that’s a lot better then still wondering.

Was taking a walk around central park on one of the first gorgeous days of the year and encountered one of the most stunning women. She was power walking and looked annoyed and in a hurry, but still... I’m not sure if I regret letting this go without giving it a try or not.

Went to the NY auto show with cupcake. Had a good time and I’m sure ive cemented friends which is cool.

Good times. Awesome weekend. Finally arrive home at 1am and get some sleep. I desperately need to get out of the sticks and into the city.

June 15th

Ok been a while since last update. I got distracted for a few weeks with some.. umm.. non girlfriend related female activities, but that ended a month ago due to geography. rocky

I've been back at it and haven't really found my way yet. cupcake got me into a weekly activity group that ive been going to that has gotten me quite a few new buddies and has me hanging out with a lot of new girls. There are two that initially sparked my interest, though both of them smoke .

the first, Belle, is very attractive and has a very attractive style/tats/etc. Certain elements of her physique are mind blowingly impressive. simply unreal. I think she was digging me or at least considering me at first. I bumped into her outside our usual event one night and we chatted for a while. she asked me to dance. Were dancing and she was doing that really really weird thing where I would get a bit physical and get absolutely zero reaction. This has happened to me in the past and Im always stopped in my tracks and take it as a sign eject completely. Absolutely no signs of encouragement, discouragement, uncomfortability, or even reaction really... Im not talking about some subtlety either. I put my hand on her hip and pulled her towards me and she moved exactly as far as i moved her and stayed that close, but with no real reaction at all. Any help here for the future? At this point though im pretty sure this ship has sailed because shes a bit reserved for my taste and i very obviously give most of my attention elsewhere.

the second, ginny, is pretty much the opposite. Her personality is mind blowing. Shes clever, outgoing, cocky, fun. We end up going back and forth all night and really having a blast. She is definitely the life of the party and we both feed each other. She is pretty too..... but... shes carrying a bit of extra weight. To make matters worse pictures indicate that shes on a downward slide since she clearly had a nice figure not that long ago. and she smokes. In a ironic twist my mind says no while other parts strongly disagree. Before people get all defensive... Im not expecting every girl to be a twig, but we are talking enough to effect overall shape im afraid. she wears very low cut stuff but other wise her clothes are concealing enough to make me suspicious, but not sure.

field note cliffs:
Last night I was out at the bar and it was kind of a slow night, and I didn't see any girls that got me fired up besides one who was hanging out with MTV thugs, which equals insta-cut. I ended up talking to a girl for a while. I wasn't all that sold, so i kept kinda wandering away. Of course this makes her chase me around the bar. As she comes to me to protect her from the two "creepy guys" hitting on her. Im super relaxed and just having fun and when she tells me one of the guys said she "was beautiful",which was creepy. I decide to say "he just called you beautiful out of the blue? yeah, that is creepy. I wouldn't do something like that. " to which of course i get " you would not call me beautiful?" (shes sitting on my lap and ive got my arm around her at this point) so of course say I wouldn't. She acts all shocked, and i tell her to be beautiful to me you have to be good looking on the outside and good on the inside too. She of course acts all mad while touching me more. She even says "well then you are ugly then!" and I just give her my dirtiest you-are-going-to-walk-funny-tommorow smirk. Just when I start thinking "this is too easy" I go ahead and say "well, Id say you are good looking, but I don't know you well enough to know if you are the kind of person I would call beautiful" Ok... you see what I did there? I think it takes me a few minutes to realize the gravity of what Ive just said. note to self: when its 3am do not say "do not know you well enough" to the girl on your lap under any conditions or circumstances. I manage to clean that up and proceed to move on to kissing her neck. She digs it but says she won't make out in public. I handily come up with a simple plan to remedy that issue . She had stuff to do in the morning and I was in the middle of trying to work out the details when her friends reappear and hustle her out the door... Oh well. good fun and practice and I will bump into her again through mutual acquaintances.

earlier yesterday something weird happened (this is before i went to the bar). I come outside at lunch time at work and find a rubber duck under my windshield wiper. My ex who just got back to town must have stopped by and left it. I text her "thanks for the duck" but get no reply. Later she calls and I tell her thanks for the duck again. She says "what duck?" I say "the rubber ducky" she ask what the hell im talking about... I tell her about it and she says she had nothing to do with it and it must be some other girl in love with me. awkward silence.

So now I have a mystery. I have absolutely not the foggiest clue who could have put it there. My office parking lot is large and out of the way and I park in the middleish. Its highly unlikely this was a random ducking. The guys from the office are jokesters, but this just doesn't seem like the kind of thing a man would do to another man, even if it was funny seeing him go crazy trying to figure it out. The biggest problem is that it was done at my office, not my home, so that cuts the number of girls that could have possibly done it down to a very short list unless they went way out of their way. I have -no- idea. Take a look at the picture. The duck is not new. It has some pink marker spots as well as some minor wear, but doesnt look like it was found on the side of the road. The pink ribbon is made out of some sort of vinyl that seems like hazard/warning ribbon. I work for an agency that deals with roads/construction etc.

click here to see the duck
Girl i know? cant think of one that makes sense... secret admirer from work? random duck on your car? buddies or coworkers messing with me?

Ive always wanted a stalker!

6/18/07
click here

 

awesome thread

i know for myself, when i put my goals in writing, it is much easier to achieve them

 

i read it.. keep us updated! i failed your list of requirements for girls you'd date

 

If you don't like cupcake then you probably shouldn't try to "friend" her as you say you are because she obviously has a crush on you. Unless you want to friendzone her without a care that she might get hurt.

 

you arn't one of those girls that think belching is hysterical are you?

 

Think its hopeless? Ive never laid a finger on her, done anything to 'datey' with her like dinner or a movie... The only thing is that I did try to pick her up in a bar. Yeah, it probably is terminally screwed now.

 

I wouldn't say it's hysterical but you shouldn't be so uptight that you can't have a laugh over stuff like that

Those 2 things don't really go together

 

thanks for the reply. You think I'm really asking for too much? i thought my hard criteria were actually fairly broad and rather inclusive. Which parts do you think are very stringent? Keep in mind the would be nice section is just a wishlist, not a reason to next someone. Even the flexible part is just suggestions. I definitely wouldnt say that a girl has ruined me. I really think that all my serious exes were good people and I'm better for having known them, even though it didnt work out. Do I seem bitter? Luckily I have great friends and a good life, so while I may want a girlfriend, I don't need one.

I know everyone has hangups and issues, but ive known some girls that are just NUTS. anywhere from "we can't go in that supermarket because the lights will cause a panic attack" to girls that just insane-o rationalize everything and twist and manipulate their own view of the world till they are living in lala land. On the other hand, girls that I have dated, or am friends with are cool, make sense for the most part, and when they are irrational at least they can admit it and understand at least somewhat the reasoning that leads to it.

I find online dating incredibly tedious and all the pretty girls get entirely too much attention to make getting a face to face date a reasonable proposistion. It's almost like its crazy for a woman not to try online dating, just as its crazy for a man to try it. I mean it seems paradoxical, but because of the disparity between the effort expended and chances of even getting a face to face meeting it's true. On the other hand, I enjoy the real game and just going out to a bar and trying my luck.


So it looks like everyone is agreed on cupcake. hmmm

 

haha... everything is a compromise.

cool as hell, life of the party > flat stomach anyday though, though there are definitely limits on how far you can take it.

And yeah, ive seen some funny moments involving gas. I mean if the situation and accidental timing is just right sure, but just letting it all rip as loud as possible and then rolling around laughing at yourself is not attractive. And seriously ive met whole crews of girls who think nothing of starting a story with "so, OMG, this morning i was taking a s...."

I'm not holding anyone to too much of a double standard either. Be more discrete then I am and Ill call that fine. I don't like when guys do it either, though i obviously dont call guys on it as often as I do girls

 

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. But you saw my list of picky things

 

Moi aussi: I hate the gym. And my passionate hobby is Islamic culture...which no one shares.

 

actually, i don't like when guys burp either.

no free time

i watch 24, prisonbreak, and project runway religiously

i hate working out, but i wish i had the discipline to do it

i wish i had larger breasts, but no large breasts on this tiny frame

good girl here. straightedge too, remember?

sometimes tantrums happen every once in awhile. not too often though.. at least i'm honest

i'm ocd--- i'm uptight, and i'd freak out over a wrong turn if i was the driver

 

lol, yes it is. Most of that stuff is hilarious. My GFs and I would fart in front of each other. Would it gross you out if she was like "I had Taco Bell last night and I had diarrhea so bad this morning"? lol... my ex and I had that conversation all the time.

 

No way! I am shocked! I totally pegged you as that guy who claim "girls don't poop" or even fart just based on some of your other criteria

 

Seriously? I'm really laid back about most stuff. I've even texted my ex gf (when she was my gf) from work in the morning with like "damn, I shouldn't have had Taco Bell last night." She'd text back with "u got the shits?" I'd be like "yup." She'd reply with "eww... haha!"

 

werd. its gross.

sorry, dealbreaker

exception granted for 24 though I just download em and watch when i get time.

why do you hate it?

large is all about proportion. And besides, that wasn't at all a requirement.

all the rules, all the time? dot the i's and cross the t's? think when i meet a lot of the super well behaved girls they are just too interested in pleasing people to develop a strong personality. Though im sure thats not always the case.

straightedge is fine. I'm pretty close to straightedge myself at the moment. it's interesting.....

ive known too many women to ever say never on this one. it seems rarely is all you can hope for Hell i threw a tantrum a few months back. Even while i was stomping around and pouting like a 5 year old I was thinking "so this is what its like, eh? "

What if you weren't the driver?

 

pourquoi pas?

why doesn't anyone share it? I'm not sure exactly what that entails as a hobby, but I would go with you if you wanted to go see a Muslim exhibit at a museum or watch a documentary. I enjoy learning about the world. If you mean you go the a Koran study group or something though I'm out.

How can anyone hate the gym?

 

Keep in mind that the reason this is non negotiable has little to do with me wanting a barbie. I spend 1-2 hours a day there. I try my damndest to eat hardcore healthy as much as possible while still living a little. This requires for thought, planning, and sacrifices. If we are going on a week vacation I will not book a hotel without seeing pictures of their weight room, or nearby facility. I will get pissed about missing a workout for no good reason. I don't want to have fitness become a divisive issue, I want a partner and a supporter, not someone who is going to bring junkfood into the house and whine how "you spend more time at the gym than you do with me" I want a girl who says "take this protein shake and get your ass up, we are going to the gym!"

everyone has their own comfort level with things. I know where mine is

This is a major point of this thread. I am definitely going to try to meat women in a much larger variety of places then I have in the past. On the other hand, a shark has no real interest in a mouse

I agree 100%

It's weird. The suburbs where we are this stuff is really difficult. I know exactly what you are talking about cause this kind of stuff worked GREAT in college. At this stage in my life living where I live Id have to go to a LOT of parks to find one girl I find physically attractive, who is single, in my age range. And who knows if she is open to even interacting with a strange guy, and if I'm anywhere near her cup of tea.

very good points. This list wasn't meant necesarily to be complete for everyone else, I made it for me to clarify for myself. I will not be friends with racist or homophobes, so thats obviously out. Anyone deep into organized religion or who believes that "god has a plan/god has a reason/god answers prayers" and me will not get along even superficially. Keep in mind, I am looking for a girlfriend. A wife and kids.... ewwwww

zomg.. I am definitely going to add must not smoke though how could i forget that?

 

The other day I saw a girl walking at the grocery store and I went up to her cart and took some bread out and walked away like I didn't just steal bread from her cart. She came up and talked to me. I wasn't sure how that approach was going to go before I did it.

Sure enough, it worked great, and i've made my best friend do it like 3 times since then, haha. Try that at the grocery store and tell me if it works for you.

 

amen

i understand completely

are you hooked on it yet?

although i don't look it, i'm really out of shape. it just makes me so sore

gives small chested girls hope

all rules, all of the time? absolutely not. i just meant it in the sense that i'm a bookworm about school, and the no drinking part

how was it? sometimes it feels nice just to get it out of your system

it's fine as long as the other person makes me feel safe ..and isn't having an anxiety attack at the wheel or driving recklessly. i just don't trust myself to find my way back if i make a wrong turn

 

I don't like being indoors at all really. If I work out it needs to be outside: swimming, yoga, bike riding: I dislike people too much to be around so many in such a close space

I go to all the Islamic multi-cultural events at school. A good majority of my friends are muslim, I fast etc. I don't need a buddy to do it with, just someone tolerant of the fact that I must run away to deerborne Michigan upon occasion. And that I like to curl up with a brown friend, some fallafal and a nice hookah every few nights.

 

This chick has WAYYY too good of game for you. No offense, of course, but she is like a ju-jitsu master at this shit... single mothers usually have to be. You need to get her out of your life because you aren't prepared to handle a chick like this.

 

don't make it sound like a challenge!

hmm.. so you definitely think she knew exactly what she was doing when she made the myspace comments?

 

i am definitely doing this. I'm going grocery shopping soon too