I've always been that girl that helps everyone when they need it. I've always put myself second and never really cared to do otherwise. But then it came back and bit me in the face, numerous times. But I never gave up on my closest friends. Yet I failed to recognize my bf, as he was the one that did everything he could for ME, and I kept pushing him away. Everythings over and done with, and now that all I have are my friends, I continue to push them away too. Maybe I just like needy people. My best friend, at least I considered her that at one time, doesn't even have a remote idea as to how I feel, its hard to talk to her about it. She just talks about herself and is getting more and more cocky by the day. Its hard to listen to her head get bigger, I can't see her being there when it really counts too. Then theres my cousin, who I've been very close with for the past 18 years, she seems worn out, and she also never tried to meet me half way in our friendship. So I'm alone, no friends. Maybe I'm too picky. I'm stuck here in this lonely rut. I don't need tips on how to make friends, I don't want to. I just need to know, what can I do to get my mind off all this crap, at least without sittng around at home all day. Everything, along with the guilt and hopelessness has really caused me to break. How do I just immerse myself in nothingness. I'm thinking I should start working out or something. Anyway, just needed to vent. thanks for reading.