LOVE question bout abortion and hormones

nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
so I have been seeing this girl on and off for about 1 year now(we are serious now for the past 6 months) and the sex was great early on she got pregnant and had an abortion I was wondering if hormones change after that.

reason I ask is that after she had an abortion she was up and down in the sex department(completely understandable). we spent last Saturday into Sunday together had amazing sex and enjoyed the evening together dinner movie you know usual date night stuff. I asked her if she wanted to do a date night go drinking see a movie and spend the night she said she was busy with family sister was in town. then she told me after last Saturday that she wasnt in the mood cause the sex was great and wasnt feeling in the mood. thats why I ask cause I'm wondering if anyone has had the same issue with fluctuating sex drive with their SO.

please keep it to serious comments
 

Deborah

Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.
Aug 21, 2008
3,633
How long has it been since the abortion?
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
on 6-4
another thing that I just remembered is while my kid (i have a little girl & she loves my kid to death) was in town is that she was sad.her words were its weird she is so full of life and i just killed mine. wondering if its a little depression
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
on 6-4
another thing that I just remembered is while my kid (i have a little girl & she loves my kid to death) was in town is that she was sad.her words were its weird she is so full of life and i just killed mine. wondering if its a little depression

depression after an abortion is a pretty normal thing. duration varies from woman to woman though.

maybe she should see a counselor?
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
Most likely the abortion and everything attached with it is still harming her emotionally-which with women easily affects the sex drive.

Has she ever spoken about what happened with anyone?
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
Iwywb only to a friend once about to keep or abort
I don't know her, so obviously I'm just guessing, but the only thing you can really do is bring up your feeling that she's not as into having sex lately. Do not blame her or make her feel guilty, but come at it from a concerned place.

When you guys have sex now do you use a condom or is she on BC?
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
I don't know her, so obviously I'm just guessing, but the only thing you can really do is bring up your feeling that she's not as into having sex lately. Do not blame her or make her feel guilty, but come at it from a concerned place.

When you guys have sex now do you use a condom or is she on BC?
Yes we started using condoms she is about to get BC not the nuva ring but the other one
I'm not bent out of shape cause I know that there could be alot of things at play here she also told me she is under alot of stress from work so I understand.
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
And now comes the shitty part she needs time to herself she txted and asked why i didnt try to make her keep it and i explained to her that i tried quite a few times and she was set in her ways about going on with the abortion
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
And now comes the shitty part she needs time to herself she texted and asked why i didnt try to make her keep it and i explained to her that i tried quite a few times and she was set in her ways about going on with the abortion
:eek3: Whoa, abort. No pun intended.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
And now comes the shitty part she needs time to herself she txted and asked why i didnt try to make her keep it and i explained to her that i tried quite a few times and she was set in her ways about going on with the abortion

oh shit... here we go. brace yourself :noes:
 

Deborah

Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.
Aug 21, 2008
3,633
She is feeling guilty. You need to have a talk with her and tell her why she didn't do anything wrong. There are tons of resources on internet debating abortion. I think it will be good for her to read some pro-abortion arguments.

Does she have any religious beliefs?
 

Deborah

Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.
Aug 21, 2008
3,633
Maybe also show her this. She'll get a laugh out of it and maybe it even makes her feel better!

[y]ZCWC4sHbIV0[/y]
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
She is feeling guilty. You need to have a talk with her and tell her why she didn't do anything wrong. There are tons of resources on internet debating abortion. I think it will be good for her to read some pro-abortion arguments.

Does she have any religious beliefs?
she is not that religious and we talked about it for a moment. she asked i told her how i felt about everything. she said she just needed time to think. I know her and she detaches from everyone when she is sad or has to deal with bad feelings she doesn't want anyone's help she wants to work it out on her own.
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
she is not that religious and we talked about it for a moment. she asked i told her how i felt about everything. she said she just needed time to think. I know her and she detaches from everyone when she is sad or has to deal with bad feelings she doesn't want anyone's help she wants to work it out on her own.
Sounds obvious then that she has a lot of emotions still thinking about it, and I'm sure having sex might even be connected to bad feelings now. She should try and either find someone to speak to or even find some sort of online forum for other women who have had abortions; I know they have to exist.
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
:eek3: Whoa, abort. No pun intended.
honesty beer except for not having the greatest job in the world im ready for another one. we were together for 4 years previous to this when she left. I dated other women and tried to find another woman enjoyed being single but was never really happy. I did not compare other women to her i know that each individual has her pros and cons could just never find a good woman. i stayed single for another 5 months until a mutual friend came home from Training (air force) and he had lunch with her they started talking and she told him she never should have left and that she missed me very much and still loved me very much and wishes she could take it all back.
 

MattThom01

Active Member
Jan 2, 2006
8,506
Do they advise/provide counseling for women after an abortion? Seems like it would be a no brainer...

Not only do you have the hormone changes from the pregnancy (and then the adjustment back to pre-pregnancy hormone levels or whatever), but you have the emotional aspect of it....

I wouldn't be surprised if she's a little scared to have sex for the worry of getting pregnant and having to go through that again.

I would DEFINITELY look into finding someone for her to talk to...try looking for women's clinics, planned parenthood, whatever.

It's possible you guys can get through this on your own, but if you can find the help, take advantage of it.
 

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
Its completely valid that she's depressed and an emotional freak while she's internalizing and coming to terms with the decision. The fact that you have a child, she can see what kind of father you'd be to hers, and seeing the living breathing reality is all just more fodder for her already tangled emotions on it. I'm surprised she's not on BC already. After a preg scare or abortion most chicks get the fuck on the BC bandwagon FAST! And perhaps I'm wrong but it doesn't sound like you're super informed on what's available out there. (You mentioned, its not the ring, the other one) There's TONS of options out there. Look into them, get on em, use backup methods until she makes a decision.

yes, hormones are all over the map right now...and probably for a while....and then the hormones that are causing her to be depressed. She's a mess...and that's ok. Its a big event to go through for some women and some take a long time to really get past it.

like others have suggested, she probably would benefit from talking to a counselor or support hotline to gain some perspective on it.

Sex is the direct cause of this confusing time for her so it just makes sense that she's now hesitant to go there. She seems to want to make sure you're happy, but has mixed emotions about it all now.

Be supportive and patient. While you're in it "together" its her body that this is happening to.
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
Aqua Kitty I agree with you on looking into other BC but she wants to go it alone and pretty much I'm in a holding pattern tell she decides pretty much everything I want to be there for her but she has pushed me away completely
 
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nx2vgt

Member
Nov 4, 2007
208
New Braunfels
And I am very supportive I have stood behind her every step of the way on everything even things I think are the wrong decisions. I'm not bitching that I'm not getting sex at all I understand for the most part what she is going through but she has decided a.to cut me out of everything and b. Out of sight out of mind right now. Like I said before I'm in a holding patteren until she decides whatever it is she needs to decide
 

Aquakittie

Active Member
Feb 5, 2007
3,364
Los Angeles, CA
Aqua Kitty I agree with you on looking into other BC but she wants to go it alone and pretty much I'm in a holding pattern tell she decides pretty much everything I want to be there for her but she has pushed me away completely
This should be a major red flag. BC is protecting BOTH partners and if one partner isn't willing to make this a team effort something is wrong with this picture. Even if she's the one taking the BC, you should be completely on board with how its going on a regular if not daily basis.

While my bf isn't with me every single day at the same time I take my pill, he often is and I take it in front of him (not necessarily intentionally) but he knows I'm up to date and on time with it regularly. He knows when my pack is up, when I go get more. He lets me know when my PILL alarm goes off on my phone and I'm away from it. He's very much a part of the decision early on and is active in discussing how its going month to month.

If you're willing to let someone put their dick in you, you better be willing to discuss how that's going to go down in the safest way possible otherwise you're being irresponsible and shouldn't be having sex if you're not mature enough to openly discuss it with your partner.

In an ideal world this would all make sense and people would be responsible. But it really just takes discussion and putting your foot down about being an active participant in both of your sexual health because the ramifications affect you both in some serious ways.
 

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