September 2, 2006 Daily News By: Thomas McJunkersmith A young New York highschool student was bitten by a radioactive spider yesterday on a school field trip. The spider injected its venom within the boy and caused him to pass out and develop a skin rash. The boy's aunt and uncle are seeking reparations for their nephew's accident from Oscorp Inc. for negligence. Young Peter Parker will survive the traumatic experience but not without a few days stay in the hospital. Cancer was a concern, but the spider's cancer was not reported to have transferred over to the young man. ----------------------------------------- September 2, 2006 Daily News By: Lawrence Jimmihenker The world's leading expert on troubled and gifted teens, Professor Charles Xavier is being charged with sexual harassment and child endangerment. The leading students of the "Xavier's School for Gifted Children" were reportedly put into costumes and forced to participate in various, "Danger Room" games involving lasers, gun fire, pitfalls, saw blades and neumatic walls designed to crush students. An unknown black female student reported to the authorities that the Professor were training them to fight the evils in the world who were keeping them from living in harmony with the rest of the world. The female was quoted as saying to the Daily News, "I was like, "Damn nigga, I just be good at math. It don't mean that I be gonna save the world." Parents and investors have pulled their funding and children from the school of gifted children hoping that their loved ones haven't been hurt. The Professor is in custody at the moment with New York Police pending further investigation. In his defense he has stated, "The world will see us one day in harmony. Just because we are different does not mean you must hate us." His star student, Scott Summers, is reportedly going to be continuing his education at Georgetown University, furthering his knowledge in physics and has already been offered a job by the US government. ------------------ September 2, 2006 By: Jerry McSwagger In local news, a man named Eric Magnus attempted to break into a prison by throwing pieces of steel at the building. He claimed that he was "Homo Superior" and that the new age of man was on the rise. He called himself, "Magneto: Master of Magnetism" and carried around a high powered magnet which he threw at police before being gunned down. Further investigation of the death is in order. The police officers involved in the shooting have been put on paid leave. A funeral for homeless man, Eric Magnus, will be held on Saturday the 8th at Lincoln's Memorial Funeral Home. He will be interred into the North Fork Cemetery and all of his family members have been contacted.