SRS Recently Had A Breakdown (I'm only 22)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mr_belvedere, Sep 9, 2005.

  1. mr_belvedere

    mr_belvedere New Member

    Aug 28, 2005
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    I'm always worrying about my future, family, and friends. I used to be extremely motivated in life (had a GF, nice physique, great friends). My GF was awesome for a few months but then she showed her true colors and I didn't like what I saw. After the break-up, I wasn't motivated to keep my body looking great. My great friends hace busier lives now. I can still count on them for advice and fun times but not as much anymore. I built my life on everyone around me instead of taking opportunities to permanently better myself.

    I broke down in front of my best friend a couple of weeks ago. We were headed home to Ohio from DC. I tried to take a nap but I kept worrying about my dad and I started crying. My dad is in perfect health but he is traveling to Scotland and I kept playing the "worst-case scenario" plane crash scene in my head. I really have no reason to worry.

    My friend is so great at trying to comfort me. Her dad is dead. She still manages to understand how I feel about my living, healthy dad. I worry about so much that I don't need to. She doesn't worry. I have no idea how to not worry about EVERYTHING. My dad and my best friend have had so much of a harder life than I have but yet they live happier lives.

    What is the worst for me is being at work. I am usually happy but even when I'm not, I have to force myself to smile and be nice. I have an Associate's Degree but I still work at McDonald's. I have to stand at the counter and smile while people cuss and yell "Hey ^&*^&*(^, I thought this was supposed to be FAST food." The majority of the days are great but I have one or two days when this happens. I am not allowed to verbally defend myself and I am not strong-willed enough to blame the person instead of find fault in myself.

    It is hard for me to go out, have fun, and make small talk. I am required to make small talk at work and I really don't feel like being the "fake me" anymore than I have to. I have a lot of interests and I can make great conversation if someone happens to mention an interest of mine. Otherwise, I feel like I am being a "party pooper."

    The "worrying" became a problem when I lived at home with my stepdad. He is an alright guy but made sure to give me something (unneccessary) to worry about everyday before I went to work or went to bed.

    The problem is myself and not my stepdad. I am down-to-earth enough to understand personal responsibility. I am the one who let my stepdad get inside my head. I managed to be anal about my bank account and feel guilty for spending money when I went out with my buddies.

    I'm angry at myself for not figuring out the secret to being more laid-back. I 've always been afraid to relax because I don't want to turn into a lot of losers I hear about that graduated my high school.

    I feel better for typing this. I am 22 and my friend is 24, by the way. She says that she has a couple years on me so I shouldn't feel guilty for not figuring out my life.

    The more I think about what I typed, I realize that I really need to get off my ass and workout, drive around, buy some items that make me happy, and not feel guilty about doing this. Girls don't wanna date hermits, and companies don't like hermits much either, I'm guessing.

    Thanks for Any Replies,
    Nick =0)
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    All worries in life are no real worries at all. Your car explodes , what does it matter towards eternity. You run out of toilet paper, what does it matter towards the vastness of the cosmos. Really even if the entire planet explodes , there is nothing left to worry about so relax. And if you come into situations that you worry just say those two things to yourself oh what does it matter towards eternity? Oh what does it matter towards the vastness of the cosmos? That really worked for me , you know sometimes in life for situations that worry you its good to say to yourself ' i don't give a fuck' if you die then you die. Your dad dies in a air plane crash whoohoo no matter how much you worry about it that plane is still going to go down, all those people 100 years ago worried, and now they are all just as dead as all the people who didn't worry. So on a long term you can see that it is correct, all worries in life are no worries at all. And if you are worried immediatly do something about it. Like blaming your step dad for worrying so much as he is at fault for all of this. Get a laid back attitude , your soul is much to stiff in the body that it is in , have a bit more of a Jamaican in you. And what worries me is that you let people walk over you , when someone says to you 'i thought this was fastfood ' you say ' yes but we don't use witchcraft' your not allowed to say anything back, but i tell you NEVER let someone walk over you and get away with it, what are you a carpet? Gosh no , look i had it myself too. I was being nice n stuff till i realised that positions mean nothing in life, the only thing that matters in life is that you are a loving and helpfull being. Even if you talk to a general ,boss , high rank whatever talk to them asif you are on the same level, because quite frankly their positions mean absolutely zero, and you don't have to move out of the way for no reason. Give some pressure back, make them work before you get appointed into a certain direction. Look you have to go back(as you said) to the I used to be extremely motivated in life (had a GF, nice physique, great friends). kind of lifestyle, you have to show you have a life of your own, it seems that when your gf left you it went downhill, but you have to step over that hill and preserve your dignity from now on.

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