Super-long post – cliffs at the bottom, but please read the whole thing if you’ve got a few minutes. Introduction Alright OT, I’ve been posting off and on in this forum for a little over 2 years and now I’m here to seek the sage yet often harsh wisdom that this forum has to offer. This will not be a short post, and admittedly, a good bit of my reason for writing this is to organize my own thoughts so I might act for myself. However, if you’re up for a longish read and you want to chip in your two cents, I won’t say no . I seek this sort of semi-anonymous place because none of you has formed opinions of my relationship in the same way that my real-world friends have done, so I think that the analysis of some random person on the internet might be more useful because it might be less colored by preconceived notions. Back story/history My girlfriend and I are both 21-year-old college students, we’re both in the fourth year of engineering programs at different schools in the same city, and we just celebrated our third year together as a couple a few weeks ago. We knew each other all through high school and since we’ve been dating, we’ve found that we each kind of wanted to ask each other out in high school but didn’t quite know how. Despite each of our friends’ efforts to set us up, we resisted all through high school, but after a few months away from home we kinda realized that something was going on, so a little over three years ago, I managed to squeak out an apprehensive “I love you”, and as they say, the rest is history. The past three years (save for the description below) have been absofuckinglutely outstanding in most every way. We’ve had our arguments, and we’ve upset each other, and we’ve made little mistakes, but at the end of the day, this thing always feels special, and we always get through the problems we start. My problems with the relationship I’m sure some of you have been around senior engineering majors, and I’m sure some of you have been around ridiculous overachievers who put way too many things on their plate and feel personally accountable for seeing all of them to utter success. The woman I am dating is both. As a result, she often has little free time to spend on our relationship. I understand this wholeheartedly and I support her decisions on how to spend her free time. We live a few miles apart, but we both have cars, so we’re able to see each other a couple times a week anyway on average, and under ideal circumstances maybe it’s more like 4 or 5 times a week that we’ll get to do something. None of this is a problem to me. My issues are with the following behaviors: she has the ability to forget I exist for a couple days at a time and at the end of it she’ll go on about how much she missed me. These words are often heartwarming but usually contradict her actions (about once every other week on average she’ll go two days without saying a word to me, basically she won’t return AIMs or cell calls, even just to say good night). After a conversation that goes something like “I missed you a lot and I’ve been thinking about you and we should do something tonight”, I’ll sometimes go over and she quite literally will not touch me. In months and years past, I’ve relied on the wonderful and fulfilling physical aspect of the relationship to keep me happy with things, even if the relationships emotional or intellectual fulfillment isn’t at its highest. Anymore however, it seems that our conversations are often limited to how our respective days went, how busy we are, and how it would be nice if we could spend more time together. To add to that, most of my time spent with her is also spent with her floor. They’re a great group of people, many of whom I consider friends in their own rights, but it seems that the balance between hanging out with them and spending time alone has swung to the former quite heavily. In addition to this, she is a senior engineering major, is an officer of two or three clubs on campus, and does lead a pretty active social life with the kids she lives with. To sum up my complaints – I feel an emotional detachment from this woman who I’ve grown to know very closely over the past three years of our relationship and maybe five or six years of friendship before that. We used to talk on AIM and/or see each other often, and conversations would often end up pointed at all sorts of rather deep topics (our own takes on our own and each others’ Christian faith, multivariable calculus, Jungian psychology, our respective engineering disciplines, her skills in physics, my skills as a programmer, and our futures (immediate and slightly longer-term) together were all favorites). Recently, I’m lucky if I talk to her for fifteen minutes out of most days, and when I do see her, it seems that the relationship doesn’t run as deeply anyway. This coupled with the near-total disappearance of the physical side of things makes me a sad panda, if you will. I should probably note that the physical relationship that I’m talking about is a celibate one: as Christians and as paranoid soon-to-be young professionals, we’ve decided that sex is too risky and too immoral a choice. Physical affection, then, may be different from what many of you experience and share with your significant others, but I consider it highly important nonetheless, and it’s something that we both enjoy with a great deal of passion under happier circumstances. My call for advice I’ve put a lot of thought into just ending this relationship now, cutting my losses, and moving on. Then I read a thread like the “what do you miss about your ex S.O. thread” here, and hear stories about how most of my friends have been striking out recently, and I realize that what I have is pretty damn special. To be fair, the remaining physical side of our relationship still keeps me interested – there’s as much passion as ever before except it only sees itself being expressed a couple times a month at the most as opposed to a few times a week as I would likely prefer. I’ve brought some of these things up, and I’ve told her that I feel our conversations could stand to be deeper, and that I feel somewhat marginalized sometimes, but in the week and change since that conversation I haven’t seen a whole lot of change, or anything come from it. So OT, here it is: When do you know it’s time to call it quits? How do you tell someone that you love that you feel less fulfilled without making the situation sound too dire? Can you give me any magic words of advice, encouragement, or wisdom that I might apply to make me see things differently, or to help my girlfriend to see things more clearly? I realize that communication is the key in situations like this, but I’m often horrible at expressing my feelings in a reasonable way, and therefore conversations that I have about things like this often come off as disjointed and whiney instead of the logical presentation of a serious issue that I’d like them to be. Cliffs 3+ year relationship, we’re both 21. All aspects of said 3-year relationship have tanked in the past 2 months. Looking/begging for advice, specifically on when to call it quits and/or how to make things more interesting after three years together. She seems to say she acknowledges a problem and then not do anything about it. ibNiggaIAintReadingAllThatShit If it’s too long, either read the cliffs or just leave. THANKS OT!