LOVE roomie's girlfriend moving in...

[radfad88]

Well about a month ago my roommate (male) had his girlfriend down from Atlanta to visit. They've been an on/off couple for 5 years now. The day she's leaving from her weekend stay, they mention something to one another about how happy they're going to be living together. I immediately give a look and ask what's up. My roommate tells me he wants her to move down here and live with us. Sooo I tell him we'll talk about it later since I'm on my way out the door.

I come home and talk to him a little bit, want to get all the details on what exactly he/she are thinking. My roommate and I come up with an outline of what we want to go down. I tell him it's not really worth it to me to let her move in (lease is in my name) unless she's paying 1/3 of everything (rent and utilities), also she has a cat (I already have one) so that means 2 more living souls in my 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment. I agreed that the cat could come with only on a trial basis to see how she and my cat are together. I also point out that having another person using the kitchen is going to cause more of a mess and that I expect her to clean up behind herself exactly as I do (I never ever have dirty dishes in the sink or food out or anything, it's clean at all times). I told him to talk to his gf about all of this and let me know what she thinks.

Two weeks later I ask if he's talked to her yet, he says "yeah everything's great" I even bring up the points of our talk again "ok so, you're each going to handle 1/3 of the rent/bills and she understands that her cat has to behave and get along with everyone/thing to stay, right?" He said yeah.

Well 2 more weeks passes and she moves here. That was a week ago. She still hasn't unpacked most of her things and they're just sitting in boxes in our living room. Her cat does nothing but meow all day/night long over nothing and hiss/claw at my cat as she walks by. Her cat bit my roommate the other day because he was trying to pet her and yesterday she pissed all over our leather chair. Meanwhile my cat is just like .

I came home today to a huge pile of dishes, when I asked my roommate about them he said "don't ask me they're the girlfriend's". I did the dishes because she was gone and I needed to use the kitchen to cook dinner.

The worst part was a few days ago, I took the girlfriend to the store to get groceries. On the way back the subject of the economy came up and at some point she asked "how much is y'alls rent anyway?" I gave her a look and said "what do you mean, didn't he tell you, it's $XX, but that's really not bad split 3 ways" then she gave me a look and said he hadn't told her anything about it, and when asked he just said that I'd be fine leaving things split between the two of us. She started freaking out and almost CRYING saying that she could barely afford her car payment/insurance and food right now, let alone rent and utilities. I tried to keep my cool without saying anything like "oh it's okay you don't have to". I just said we'd all talk about it when we got home.

The roomie, his gf, and me sat down and ironed it out, I stuck to my guns and said basically if they couldn't pay more than they're paying now, then she needed to go back home. It came down to a breakdown of communication, I assumed everything we talked about was being passed along, and she assumed she was moving in for absolutely nothing. He agreed to pay both their parts since his mom gives him a monthly allowence of just about that much (plus he has a job) and all was okay (we'll see at the 1st of the month when everything is due). So I guess she's not paying anything and he's just paying all her shit.



After the incident with the money thing, I don't want to bring up more stuff to bitch about but I'm really seeing that this living situation isn't going to be great for me. She's barely home and when she is she isn't taking care of dishes/unpacking/her cat. Should I bring it up now or wait a while to say something? If so what do I say to make her feel welcome, but still make it clear as to what I expect in my home?


CLIFFS: my roommate moved his gf in our house without laying the ground rules down as we'd discussed, now I'm getting shit on and I don't know what to do to keep the peace while still ensuring things get straightened out...

 

[DvBoard]

Well you handled it much better than most i'd say. You might have to deal with the dishes, boxes and cat the same way. Just set them down and let them know what they need to do, what's going to happen if they don't, and then stick to it.

Doesn't matter who takes care of it, aka. he's covering her rent, as long as it's taken care of.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

Living with people can suck. You had no problems laying the "rules" down about solving the money issue, but you need to sit all three of them down again (now) to really discuss everything so it doesn't look as if you're only picking on her. You need to say everything needs to be unpacked in 2 weekends, dishes need to be washed after they are used, etc.

BTW, I was a little shocked by insisting you now all pay a 1/3. I guess that makes sense but at the same time it just sounds like you are looking for some relief. I lived with a girl who then had her bf move in with her. I hated the guy and he would track mud in the apartment (also under my name) and sometimes eat my food or wouldn't clean dishes I needed fast enough....but I didn't ask he pay a 1/3

 

[GTLifter]

Well you handled it much better than most i'd say. You might have to deal with the dishes, boxes and cat the same way. Just set them down and let them know what they need to do, what's going to happen if they don't, and then stick to it.

Doesn't matter who takes care of it, aka. he's covering her rent, as long as it's taken care of.

It worked once and they seem decent so sitting down and talking about it should work. As long as you don't get bitchy about it they should understand. Dirty dishes in the sink for more then 30-45min piss me off too.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

It worked once and they seem decent so sitting down and talking about it should work. As long as you don't get bitchy about it they should understand. Dirty dishes in the sink for more then 30-45min piss me off too.

No matter what they both think she's a bitch at this point, that's how it works unfortunately. She might as well still set the rules down for her own sanity.

 

[GTLifter]

Living with people can suck. You had no problems laying the "rules" down about solving the money issue, but you need to sit all three of them down again (now) to really discuss everything so it doesn't look as if you're only picking on her. You need to say everything needs to be unpacked in 2 weekends, dishes need to be washed after they are used, etc.

BTW, I was a little shocked by insisting you now all pay a 1/3. I guess that makes sense but at the same time it just sounds like you are looking for some relief. I lived with a girl who then had her bf move in with her. I hated the guy and he would track mud in the apartment (also under my name) and sometimes eat my food or wouldn't clean dishes I needed fast enough....but I didn't ask he pay a 1/3

I agree with splitting the rent 3 ways. If my roommate moved a chick in and I have to share the common rooms with another person then I should be compensated for it.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

I agree with splitting the rent 3 ways. If my roommate moved a chick in and I have to share the common rooms with another person then I should be compensated for it.

Wish I had done that, damn. I honestly just never though about it. Maybe that was because I was never home and when I was I'd walk straight past them hogging the living room making out and go straight to my room.

I guess I'd just feel too bad considering the bf obviously didn't discuss it with the gf because he knows she's broke and then he just didn't want to deal with it. After that I wouldn't have pushed it, just set the rules and said "if you break them you're out!"

 

[BrinkofSanity]

when i lived in an apt w. my room mates (3 of us in a 3 bedroom) my gf moved in.

we still split the rent 3 way bc although she was moving in she was simply living in my room (we all pretty much staid in our rooms, not much time was spent in the living room.

however she paid 1/3 of all bills.


as for your issue.... you are being a lot nicer then i would. i HATE messy people and i would have the convo w. her and him present ASAP. there couldve been a break down in communication again.

all in all it sounds like your roomie is a dick.

 

[MattThom01]

stupid question, but is it allowable on your lease to have 2 people in a 2 bedroom apartment?

Second...get all the shit you expect her to do written out. If she can't follow it, she can't live there. If she gives you lip service, but doesn't actually do anything, kick her ass out.

I'm tired, so this may seem harsh, but aside from the money thing, I see no reason to allow 3 people in a 2 bedroom apartment, especially if the lease is in your name.

And as for her not paying anything, and her bf paying it all...I don't think that's a good idea. For them, it's bad, because she's going to rack up a huge tab of money that she owes him, and it's bad for you, because she gets to live there for free.

If she cannot pay her third of the bills HERSELF, tough shit, you're calling the landlord.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

radfad, when are you out of this lease?

 

[radfad88]

BTW, I was a little shocked by insisting you now all pay a 1/3. I guess that makes sense but at the same time it just sounds like you are looking for some relief. I lived with a girl who then had her bf move in with her. I hated the guy and he would track mud in the apartment (also under my name) and sometimes eat my food or wouldn't clean dishes I needed fast enough....but I didn't ask he pay a 1/3

Well, this is the way I see it... When I was looking for a place to live this semester I was coming from an apartment of 4 girls. 3 female roommates was HELL. None of them cleaned up after themselves and I was the ONLY one with a job and the ONLY one cleaning. Dishes would sit in the sink for WEEKS because I refused to give in, after a while I gave in for my own sanity and cleaned after all the other girls. I vowed to leave that apartment and never look back once our lease ran out. I wanted to find ONE MALE roommate to share a 2BR/2Bath with. I approached my roommate because he was perfect, pretty tidy, financially stable (his mommy pays his rent), and very low key/laid back. Also since his gf lived 4 hrs away, I didn't have to deal with the gf basically living here without helping out. So when all of this came up I basically said "This is a losing situation for me unless I get some sort of financial help from it" and said I wouldn't allow her to move in and mess up our dynamic unless she paid 1/3 of things. I was a hundred percent up forward about this motive and why I felt this way.

Also, I paid 100% of our $400 deposit. My name is on the lease and if things are late it's my ass so I have to keep a reserve. I just lost my job on top of all that so financially I'm kind of upset right now...

 

[demosnat]

I've ALWAYS split the rent evenly between however many people are living there no matter where they live (in the house). You aren't just paying for your room you're paying for the entire home.

 

[radfad88]

all in all it sounds like your roomie is a dick.

I think he just got really, really excited about having her move here and was going to say whatever it took to get me to agree. Then when I stuck to my guns he just agreed to pay for both of them because his mom gives him that money every month anyway.

I guess I'd just feel too bad considering the bf obviously didn't discuss it with the gf because he knows she's broke and then he just didn't want to deal with it.

I don't feel bad... if she can't pay 1/3 of our shit (our bills in total are about 900/month) then wtf is she doing with her life/finances, she needs to move back in w/ her parents or something. Plus it's something he and I discussed at length and I was not about to bend.

I agree with splitting the rent 3 ways. If my roommate moved a chick in and I have to share the common rooms with another person then I should be compensated for it.

That's the thing, our entire apartment is furnished by me, my couches, chairs, my big screen TV, my kitchen table, rugs, all the flatware/kitchen stuff is mine... I spent a LOT of money on that stuff. If she's going to be using all of this and it's another 2 souls in my house to bother me late at night when I'm studying/sleeping, then I should be compensated.

stupid question, but is it allowable on your lease to have 2 people in a 2 bedroom apartment?

Second...get all the shit you expect her to do written out. If she can't follow it, she can't live there. If she gives you lip service, but doesn't actually do anything, kick her ass out.

I'm tired, so this may seem harsh, but aside from the money thing, I see no reason to allow 3 people in a 2 bedroom apartment, especially if the lease is in your name.

And as for her not paying anything, and her bf paying it all...I don't think that's a good idea. For them, it's bad, because she's going to rack up a huge tab of money that she owes him, and it's bad for you, because she gets to live there for free.

If she cannot pay her third of the bills HERSELF, tough shit, you're calling the landlord.

I don't think my landlord would mind quite honestly, she's a really cool old lady that I talk to at length every month when I go to pay my bills. She also owns a few of my other friends' apartments who've had bfs/gfs move in.

I don't mind him paying for her, it's his money (well, his mom's). If it causes them to fight and stuff, that might be a problem. Like I said they've been on/off again for several years so I'm just waiting for them to start fighting and shit, gah.

Why did I "let" this happen, it's kind of like they didn't really ASK. They sort of just said "she's moving in, isn't that wonderful?" And honestly right now I could use the financial break. I don't want to be a bitch, if they're in love or whatever and don't want to be 4 hours apart, I can understand that. I kinda feel for them in that respect.

radfad, when are you out of this lease?

June 2009. Well, I leave for bootcamp in May so I think I'm gonna have everyone out of here by the time I leave so we can just deal with inspections and stuff before I go. I'll still pay June's rent, but I'm shutting off all our electric/gas/water and stuff by May.

 

[iwishyouwerebeer]

Well, this is the way I see it... When I was looking for a place to live this semester I was coming from an apartment of 4 girls. 3 female roommates was HELL. None of them cleaned up after themselves and I was the ONLY one with a job and the ONLY one cleaning. Dishes would sit in the sink for WEEKS because I refused to give in, after a while I gave in for my own sanity and cleaned after all the other girls. I vowed to leave that apartment and never look back once our lease ran out. I wanted to find ONE MALE roommate to share a 2BR/2Bath with. I approached my roommate because he was perfect, pretty tidy, financially stable (his mommy pays his rent), and very low key/laid back. Also since his gf lived 4 hrs away, I didn't have to deal with the gf basically living here without helping out. So when all of this came up I basically said "This is a losing situation for me unless I get some sort of financial help from it" and said I wouldn't allow her to move in and mess up our dynamic unless she paid 1/3 of things. I was a hundred percent up forward about this motive and why I felt this way.

Also, I paid 100% of our $400 deposit. My name is on the lease and if things are late it's my ass so I have to keep a reserve. I just lost my job on top of all that so financially I'm kind of upset right now...

It's kind of funny, because I did the same thing. Well I mean I lived with one girl who was annoyingly messy and wanted to keep the air conditioner at 80 degrees all the time...and then her bf moved in and they were messy and annoying together. I vowed never again, so I moved in with my good guy friend who had OCD just like me. Our place was always spotless and he was always considerate. I really never even thought though about charging the bf with a 1/3 of the bills, I don't know what's wrong with me If my guy friend had met a girl or had a girlfriend I didn't like I'm sure I'd be annoyed as well, luckily that never happened.

What are you doing about your money situation for now?

 

[radfad88]

What are you doing about your money situation for now?

I have some savings for a couple months worth of bills. I'm optimistic that I'll find a job soon though, I've had a couple of good interactions over the last couple of days, hopefully someone will call me for an interview. I'm also in the middle of finishing up midterms and it's homecoming week here, so things have been crazy.

 

[radfad88]

I'm tired, so this may seem harsh, but aside from the money thing, I see no reason to allow 3 people in a 2 bedroom apartment, especially if the lease is in your name.

Also I must sorta clarify, we live in a huge historic home that's been remodeled on the inside into a few separate apartments. We have a really, really big apartment compared to our friends it's sort of just like living in a house. We have a yard/big front and back porch, 2 doors, etc. It's probably not the typical "2BR apartment" that you're envisioning.

 

[Math-E]

I've never done the split everything thing. It was common when two people were sharing a room that they would pay a little more for that room, but not to where it was evenly split. They usually had to take the biggest room too, which cost more to rent. All utilities were evenly split though.

However, in your situation it might be worth it to deal with another cat and dirty dishes if you had extra help for rent and utilities. But then again you might not feel that it's even worth it because I think you know she's unlikely to change.

 

[Viper]

Personally, I'd start looking for a new living situation. Seems like the less dramatic, easiest, and most sensible thing to do.

 

[radfad88]

Personally, I'd start looking for a new living situation. Seems like the less dramatic, easiest, and most sensible thing to do.

This is MY apartment. I searched for 6 weeks looking for a decent/amazing apartment and I found it, then I found the roommate. If anything I'll find a new roommate and ask them to get their own place.

 

[radfad88]

Bottomline, I agree with Matt, get that shit in writing. You really should have the moment she moved in but in hindsight, nows as good a time as any...you can download free rental agreement templates online and modify it to fit your specific arrangement. Document EVERYTHING down to how clean-up and extra visitors and pets and bills etc etc will be arranged and handled. You don't have to be an asshole but this IS your home and you were deceived on how this arrangement would go down. Have everyone sign/date 3 copies and keep yours handy.

Splitting rent 3 ways is reasonable. Even if your roomie was home 2 nights a week he'd still be expected to pay his share of the rent. Same goes for the added wear and tear and household common expenses. They just go up when more people get added to the house. Keep an eye on the cat problem...chances are there will be more drama...keep firm about that. Don't keep doing her dishes. Pile them up on the side of the sink one good time with a note to her on it that this will not be tolerated-you keep a clean kitchen and expect it to be left like that when they're finished in it.

I'm going to talk to them tomorrow when I get home from work and we'll talk about things we want to put in a roommate agreement. I'm going to include that if they break up, she needs to be the one to go and in a timely manner (2 weeks?) and that things will go back to being split 50/50.

 

[Viper]

This is MY apartment. I searched for 6 weeks looking for a decent/amazing apartment and I found it, then I found the roommate. If anything I'll find a new roommate and ask them to get their own place.

Ok, so do that then.

 

[radfad88]

Ok, so do that then.

It's been a week. I think I'll give it a little more time and at least give them a shot at sitting down and working things out.

 

[BrinkofSanity]

It's been a week. I think I'll give it a little more time and at least give them a shot at sitting down and working things out.

i agree.

why would he all of a sudden kick them out? its been a week and he agreed to allow this.

however my leash would be short on this. you sound like a clean neat person like myself..... if you are i know how annoying that can get.


question.

when my girl moved in w. my roomies they knew her and we all hung out as friends, they all got along. thats why i had no problem asking if she could move in.

did you know the gf? i mean REALLY know her?

 

[Math-E]

It's been a week. I think I'll give it a little more time and at least give them a shot at sitting down and working things out.

In my experience it can take a few meetings until things get resolved

 

[Sephiroth13]

Radfad,
I hope things work out for you in this situation, I just came out of a situation very similar to yours. The lease was in my name and the roommate who was cool in the beginning ended up being a dick in the end. After all the rules had been laid out he just basically took advantage of the situation. I ended up staying with my girlfriend half way through our lease *she lives an hour away* just so that i didn't have to deal with them. The dishes and negligence not to mention the constant lieing about rent and utilities. Never AGAIN, I will never ever ever have a room mate again. Damn bitches. This is the second room mate I've ever had and nothing beats living by yourself.

Anyway point is, if rules needs to laid down, do it and put it in writing and stick to your guns. If she can't live by them, then she isn't technically stuck to any bounding agreement to still live there. Give her the boot and be done with it.

Also on a side note I've found putting unclean dishes in ones bedroom was the most effective way to get them clean, However being as everything is yours then that might not be so savey. Anyway I just wanted to say I know how you feel on this subject and I'm behind you 100%. I wish I split my rent 3 ways, heck I wish I split it perfectly in half and my utilities *mistakes that I will never make again*.