If this makes sense im gonna copy what I had written elsewhere. I just can't handle this hurt... My girl left me today. We had been together since 2003 and had plans on getting married. Well a few months ago I told her I wanted a break and wasn't sure if i was gonna get back with her. Well my mind changed real quick and I realized what I had and how much I missed her and got back with her. Well today she said pretty much the same thing. she needs to figure herself out shes pretty confused right now and needs to see where things are at with her before she can see where I fit in....if i fit in at all after that. The thing is...im the only guy she has ever dated and its been building up in her what else is out there and if im the right one...I had a feeling it might happen but didnt actually think it would. She said if she stayed with me and married me she would always wonder because I would have been the only guy..and she said she cant be completely happy until she knows for sure what shes missing. im hoping she will realize that she misses me after a couple of dates but she said she doesnt want me to put my life on hold and wait because it could take a few months or even years and she doesnt want to see me waste my life being miserable rather than happy. She isnt the usual cheating lying girl that I have dealt with in the past. This girl (even now) i completely trust and I know shes not lying to me with anything she has been very honest with me. This is the girl I know I want to spend my life with but unfortunately she isnt sure of it anymore she wants to be sure but doesnt know how long it will be. She needs to figure out whats important. She said it would be easier to push the feelings aside and just be with me but she will still always wonder and she wants to have that confidence and i hope (and she says she does too) that it will be with me. Im just not sure how to deal with this right now as i've had my share of lying whores as gf's but this girl is different, i've never felt so strongly that shes the one. I guess I don't know why this has to happen. Why couldnt she have been with people beforehand so she had the experience (not talkin about sex or anything shes a strong christian) im just hoping a couple casual dates and hopefully at most its just a few months before she realizes. It really sucks too because she comes home this wednesday till sunday I was looking forward to that too. Sorry for the long read I just needed a place to vent. (btw for anyone who says shes lying. as my friends know I trust very few people but I know she is being honest with me. she even tells me she has crushes on guys she just meets sometimes but in a day or so they are gone. she also said no matter how in love girls are with their boyfriends they still get crushes on other guys no matter how short they are) idk about that but im sure some of the girls here could provide some input. Shes working with a guy from her class now that she told me she has a crush on but she always does with people and its always over in a day or so and she never thinks twice about it. yes we are very close. It sucks though idk how to deal with it, i couldnt even sit here and watch a movie. Normally girls lie/cheat on me and leave and its easy because 1..I wasnt with them that long and 2...they were sluts. But this girl is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I ate like 3 eggs today thats it lol. But yeah the waiting game SUCKS I know how that is. I just hope she realizes sometime soon that she wants to be with me without a doubt... I stopped looking for a relationship and stopped caring when I came across this girl 3 years ago. She is very very upset over this too and she says she hates it and wants to make me feel better but doesnt know how. Shes all torn up about it too and yes she realizes we are best friends she told me that today and wants to see me for coffee or somethin when she comes home on wednesday. Yea I will still talk to her and everything i wasn't mean about this whole thing just upset and when we talked today we still told each other we love each other and she said she will probably be thinking about me all night tonight. I think she does want to be with me but is worried still about what she might be missing if she doesnt go see. Im just worried that maybe she will find someone and lose interest in me eventually but I know if that happens theres nothin I can do about it. Im just so sure about her being the one I want to be with I hope she sees that for herself soon. She even told me today theres nothin she wanted more than come hug me. I know she cares and loves me a great deal shes just very confused. Im 22 and shes 20 btw. I will try and get together with some of the guys but alot of the ones I hung out with regulary just got girlfriends so they are always tied up with them now. and the guys I hang out with at work usually just go home and smoke and play video games and I really don't want to do that. I especially don't want to do anything like drink or smoke to get away from my problems I just need to get some friends together so I can forget about this for a while. Sitting at my apt at this damn computer all the time is going to drive me nuts and I can't handle that with everything else goin on in my life right now too. And yeah relationships aren't what they used to be and thats one of the reasons why I like this girl so much. I trust her completely when she tells me something, I have no reason to doubt what she says, shes not one of those dating around types altho she does want to now but again I can see why being as I was the only guy shes been with. It sucks and I feel helpless in this situation. She told me theres nothin I could have done differently to prevent this. I got work at 6am, took a sleeping pill and still cant sleep lol. But yeah im probably just rambling and not making sense so sorry about that. I guess its also not just dating other people but she said shes changed and not sure how but she needs to figure out who she is, whats important in her life and what she wants/needs. So idk...im hoping its not long before she figures it out but it could take a while. Back when I needed a break and I realized within like a week or week an a half that shes the one i wanted definately. It was another month or so before she decided she would go back to me becuase she was goin through the same stuff as she is now but thought the feelings would go away. So if it took a month or 2 before and she still didnt know (she didnt date anyone tho) I have no idea how long it will take now as she doesnt want to even date anyone at the moment because of how upset she is over this. In the future she said casual dates but she doesnt want a relationship with anyone. I jus hope it works out for us. 3 yrs is a long time and I hope she doesnt just throw it away. If we did get married and this happened I dont think she would have divorced me. Her thing is if you get married thats it...you make it work no matter what you dont get divorced. She txted me this morning and said "I just wanted to let you know im thinking about you Jordan" This doesnt help me very much with trying to deal with everything unless shes saying it meaning shes maybe thinkin about what she did. But i dont think a day is gonna be enough for her.