Should I give money to my financially struggling children?

JacksonWhite

Well-Known Member
Apr 11, 2011
13,290

My husband and I are both successful professionals. He’s an attorney and I’m a nurse practitioner. Each of us came from a fairly lower-middle-class background and worked hard to get where we are. Our families helped us as much as they could, but for the most part we are self-made.

The hard part is our kids. Our son struggled with some mental-health issues in high school. He was a national merit scholar and eventually graduated from college. He’s now obese, working for minimum wage, and living with his polyamorous nonbinary partner of 11 years. He’s angry at us. We say nothing much of consequence to him and see them often and have a pleasant enough time.

Our daughter is also angry at us. She excelled in everything she did in high school and college, but had a serious rift with her sorority senior year and an abusive boyfriend; she moved to Seattle to be a barista and declared herself pansexual. She spends eight hours a day on Twitter railing at our homophobia and our control of her life.

We never supported our children financially after college. Our son never asked, and after a few rent bailouts after our daughter’s boyfriend left, we told her she needed to live within her means.

We are thinking about retirement. We are sad for both of them, who are now 33 and 25. Should we help them financially? Buy them condos, pay for more schooling, get them cars? It seems like the majority of our friends have done this for their kids, and their relationships are better.

Our kids were raised very frugally compared with their friends. They worked, did chores, and didn’t have any of the latest electronics. But they did have love, picnics, hiking, camping, vacations, games, and books. We gave them tons of time and experiences. We supported their passion for music and horses and art.

We’re torn between having a conversation with them and maintaining the status quo. We’re trying to adjust to likely not having grandkids and our kids continuing on with their sad jobs for the rest of their lives. Any advice?
 

whatever

OT Supporter
Feb 18, 2004
216,204
what does pansexual mean I thought I was up to date on this sort of stuff, does this mean you are attracted to minotaurs and labyrinths?

BA02bly.jpg


HTH
 

Dr. Mike

yes
OT Supporter
Apr 3, 2020
4,072
San Diego
Experiences seem to vary drastically. I’m 33 and I feel like I know people all across the spectrum - those getting support from their parents and plenty who are crushing it professionally, doing 200-500K a year.

My girlfriend is 30 and apart from some help from me last year as she got into real estate, she draws nothing from her parents or anyone else. Meanwhile her brother is 35 and lives at home, they fully support him.

I feel fortunate that I’m still employed and able to support one of my parents but, if circumstances changed, I could imagine life getting really hard too. I know smart people who did everything right who’ve been out of work now for 6+ months.
 

mollywhop

🤙 Dick was moist as fuck 🤙
OT Supporter
Feb 13, 2020
36,657
Blue Ridge Mountains
obviously this is stupid copypasta but if it was a real question I would probably help them with an opportunity of some sort rather than just cutting them a check

I often wonder how much quicker I would have found success in life if I had had even basic support from my parents as a kid and then as a young adult (like buying me even a shitty first car for example, or helping me with bills/rent as a young guy out on my own right out of high school, helping with college, etc.) - I did it all on my own and although I feel like I'm past any sort of resentment I may have had that my friends had an easier start I think I'd want to do better for my kids for sure
 

Phx Cobra

Well-Known Member
Jul 18, 2006
56,473
AZ
I don't think financial help will further those people's children's lives. It would seem based on their life choices and the mental health issues they both find themselves with, they have underlying trouble that needs dealt with. They are probably somewhat autistic based on the fact they did well in all school but life is a shitshow.
 

melroy

wonderin how many people ITT have been meditating
Apr 1, 2018
19,726
what does pansexual mean I thought I was up to date on this sort of stuff, does this mean you are attracted to minotaurs and labyrinths?

it just means you dont care what their gender is
 

melroy

wonderin how many people ITT have been meditating
Apr 1, 2018
19,726
also obviously this is fake bullshit but even if it were real if both your kids are consistently having melt downs and are failures you failed as a parent
 
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