Should it upset me that my friends still hang out with my ex?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by turbo35, Oct 5, 2009.

  1. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    Long story short, I got tired of the bitch's drivel and stopped bending over backwards for her. She decides that, instead of changing and becoming a better person, she'd just fuck somebody else who'd put up with her crap and buy her more shit than I was. :rofl:

    Anyways, she moves back home out of the blue (find out later she moved in with this guy). All my friends are supportive etc, but they still do stuff with her once every month or two (I end up getting pictures on facebook, they hide it from me otherwise tho).

    It kinda pisses me off that they could still be friends with someone who screwed me over so badly, if one of our guy friends fucked someone over he'd be out... but for some reason, they still kick it with this worthless whore, and it gets under my skin.

    Justified? Unjustified? :dunno:
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    How did she screw you over so badly? Was it because she wanted something DIFFERENT in the relationship than you did?

    Seems like she expected something out the relationship that you didnt want/feel comfortable giving her. Whether that be more money, buy her more presents, or what ever, thats her prerogative. If shes willing to find someone who is enough of a sucker than so be it.

    Was she a mutual friend before you dated or was she a girl you brought around? If she was friends with your 'people' before the two of you dated, then honestly, you're just being an uptight jealous lil ass.
     
  3. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    I brought her into the circle. Her screwing me over isn't anything I want to get into here, but it involves lots of lying/dishonesty after a 7 year relationship.
     
  4. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    see, that's what I don't get... if someone fucked over one of my friends (either financially or otherwise), they wouldn't be someone I'd associate with, both because of who they are and out of respect for the friend. I don't see why this is any different?
     
  5. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    I guess? I still see it the same as the other logic tho, even if I knew a buddy for 10 years, if they intentionally fuck one of my other friends over, that's not something I'm gonna let slide.
     
  6. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well for all we know what you view as "fucking someone over" could be not that big of a deal. Without details we can't say what your friends are thinking.
     
  7. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    IMHO you don't get a vote on who your friends decide to have as friends. My guess is they value your friendship, but want to plant themselves into any of the ex's orifices.

    I'm not sure why you're bothered? If the shoe were reversed, what would you do?
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    7 years of relationship = 7 years of her being around your friends.

    I dont care what that 'screwing you over' was, she has the right to hang out with people who enjoy her company, and vice versa.


    You're an ex b/f to her at this point, and thats about it. She shouldnt have to change her circle of friends cause her ex bf is pussy hurt.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Most people will not hold grudges for the sake of an abstract principle.

    They may do it out of emotion as in personal resentment. But not if they don't actually feel it. They won't "force" a grudge. They would find it to be contrived and awkward.

    Personally I have no problem "artificially" holding grudges for reason rather than feeling. That makes me an exception.
     
  10. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    Yeah, I see it completely differently.

    The fact that it was in a relationship that supposedly had even more honestly/trust than the average friendship just makes it all the more disgusting that something like this would happen.

    The issue isn't that they don't think like me, the issue is that I expect the same level of respect from friends as I give them, and something like this is way beyond anything I'd even consider. That's what bothers me, not that they don't agree with me.

    Lied to me, was seeing this guy behind my back, etc... I don't think specific details are necessary, only that it was a huge breach of trust and handled very poorly.
     
  11. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    I guess I value quality over quantity
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Yeah well details are necessary in the vag. "Lying until proven honest" is the motto.
     
  13. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    yes you should be upset, but NO you should not be able to dictate to your friends that they cannot see her EVEN if you were the one who brought her into their lives.

    just deal with it. this is life.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    fucking. and :werd:
     
  15. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Daily bro.
     
  16. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    Uhh... I think the point of this is to explain why I think the way I do and compare/contrast other viewpoints.

    If you think that's getting pissy and arguing, you're way off base. :dunno:
     
  17. THoC

    THoC Active Member

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    happened to me when my wife and i got divorced. i introduced her to a circle of friends.
    they made their own choice. some stopped talking to her bc of what she did to me. some kept talking to her.

    either way i did not care. they formed a relationship w. her during the 6 yrs we were together. so did your friends.

    as long as they are not shoving it in your face, which it appears they are not. then they are doing nothing wrong.
     
  18. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    I guess... I feel disrespected because I wouldn't act the same way, but apparantly I just have to accept that they don't have the same standards as myself.
     
  19. THoC

    THoC Active Member

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    pretty much. they may not think that the relationship they built w. her is worth breaking up due to what happened. its understandable.

    i would also imagine that some of your "friends" probably liked her. they keep hanging out w. her bc, well, you never know.

    im not just making this up to make you feel bad. when me and my ex divorced 3 of her "friends" and i hooked up for meaningless relationships.
    she did not understand why they were "hanging" out w. me although they were her friends first.
     
  20. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You don't get to choose how other people act, but you do get to choose who your friends are. So either get over it or get some new friends. :dunno:
     
  21. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    Well, I haven't really brought it up with them... trying to figure out if it's fair to ask that of them or if I'm off base and shouldn't bother.

    Guess I should let them know and just live with whatever happens.
     
  22. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    Because in my opinion, their hanging out with her and the new boyfriend means that they still respect her after everything she did to me, which is completely unfathomable from my perspective, and as such indirectly disrespect me.

    But you guys are probably right, that's my issue and I can't expect them to wholly appreciate the entire situation. I'm not going to say anything about it, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it.
     
  23. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    and it's not so much digging thru facebook as their "mobile uploads" etc appearing in my feed with pics of them
     
  24. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

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    I'm totally aware that isn't their intention, which is why I try not to hold it against them. She lives ~100 miles away now (LA - San Diego), so they don't see her much for that reason alone.
     
  25. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    bingo.

    :sad2: it sucks, doesn't it?

    at least they're not rubbing it in your face. you should be happy about that!
     

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