SRS Situation with ex

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bread, Jun 28, 2008.

  1. bread

    bread OT Supporter

    Jul 10, 2002
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    To give a short background.

    We were off and on dating for about six months before making things 'official.' We continued to be a bit of a rollercoaster over the next year or so, going from small breaks to great periods together. But as it sits now, a break turned into a complete break up and we've been broken up now for about three to four months.

    I was hanging out with her the other night, as we are still friends, and got to talking about things. At one point she said (in context regarding significant others), 'I wish I could combine qualities of one person with qualities of other persons.' To which I replied, 'why? Is that not what makes everyone unique?' I left soon there after and have been thinking about what she said.

    At times in the relationship it felt as though she was manipulative in ways she communicated. Looking back on things after breaking up with her, it seemed to me that she was in fact attempting merge who I am with who she thinks I can be ... if that makes sense ... which perhaps leads into her comment.

    I guess my question is, why would someone say this? What would your response have been?

    Ultimately, you take the good with the bad, right? And if the person you are 'seeing' is not exactly what you want, ie you are wishing that that person had qualities found in other people, then perhaps that person really isn't for you, right?
  2. Trigger Happy

    Trigger Happy OT Supporter

    Jun 12, 2004
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    Well I am not trying to sound like a absolutely horrible person here but the whole reason that you are with someone is because you like them for who they are. If you want them to be like someone else then you aren't with the right person.

    There is no such this as the "perfect guy" or "perfect girl", everyone is different and each one of us is unique that is what makes us us. And you can't make someone change because you want them to be like someone else. That is just wrong to even think about making someone change.

    But I am happy that you are not with this girl, because to me clearly she was not right for you :hug:
  3. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

    Dec 12, 2007
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    I think I understand what she meant. She could have explained it a little better though.

    When I was younger I dated a lot of different guys. Each person I dated had qualities that I really liked and many I didn't. In this way, I learned what qualities that I wanted in one person and things that I would not tolerate as well. Then it was just a matter of finding that one person who had all the good qualities that I wanted.

    Unfortunately, many people fall into the trap of finding someone that meets a lot of the standards they are looking for but not all of them. Then they try to get that person to change to meet all the expectations they are looking for, when what they should do is find the one person who meets ALL their expectations.

    I don't know if this is truly what she meant but I believe that this is what she was trying to say. Does that make more sense or did I just confuse you further?

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