I went to see another counselor, but he just wants to put me on medication. I've tried anti-depressants once before. They kinda helped, but I stopped taking them. I'm not very comfortable taking pills because the side effects are unknown. One year they say this medication will help, then 5 years later they say that that medication caused lots of people to commit suicide. They don't know how the brain works, and as far as I'm concerned we are all just guinea pigs. I started thinking yesterday that marijuana might be for me. I've always had a bad relationship with marijuana though. I never smoked on a regular basis. I would only smoke once every 2-6 months just to fit in with people in high school, and when I smoked my thoughts and paranoia would go out of control and then later on when I calmed down I found myself using the thoughts that I had while high to challenge my regular thoughts. I just ended up getting more confused and didn't know what to believe. However, I noticed that on the few occasions when I smoked 2-3 times in a row, then the weed would calm me down and it actually felt like I was normal and thinking clearly. I've meet so many people that smoke pot for various reasons and they swear by it as a natural herb with lots of healing properties. So I just wanted to get your opinions on this. Should I try smoking weed on a regular basis? Please give this some thought. Consider my situation: Alone, depressed, poor self image, no confidence, shitty attitude. My whole train of thought feels like it's messed up. For example, I won't join facebook because I think that everyone I know and used to know views me as the disturbed kid who doesn't belong on there. If I joined, I think they would all be like "oh look, he's trying to make some progress with himself. Good for him, that kid is really fucked up." Is that not a fucked up reason to not join facebook? Another example is the fact that I renounce technology. I hate cell phones, facebook, myspace, text messages, etc, because I think that they ruin people by making them shallower, superficial, and less in touch with reality. But then again what the fuck do I know? I don't know how to get along with people and I haven't had a real friend in about 7 years. I don't even feel like I have my own personality. I think I lost so much confidence at one point that I was completely afraid of being myself so I just took my brothers personality and now I try to act exactly like him. The way I think, most of my responses to people, are all just things that I think my older brother would say. I'm afraid to be myself because that last time I tried that I was rejected by most people in high school. Pretty fucked up if you ask me...I mean can it really get much worse? What the fuck do i have to lose by smoking pot?