So I went on a date v.I can turn a short post into a long emo rant Went karaoking with my sister and her friends cuz I'd never been karaoking before and wanted to try it. I didn't know anyone other than my sister. One of my sister's friends brought her friend along who also didn't know anyone other than her friend, so we had in common that we didn't know anyone in the group so we decided to have our own "cool person" conversation off to the side. She was super cute and looked like Carmen Lopez (from the George Lopez show) except had bigger boobs (ironic cuz I'm not even really a boob guy). She was smart, funny, etc. She even made a reference of "back when the Simpsons were actually funny" which got bonus points. And she said her favorite band ever is Led Zepplin (hooray, a hot chick who isn't into radio pop crap). Whatever. Anyway karaoking is cool but it's no date, so we agreed to go out to sushi (a few days later). So during sushi she's cool and all but there's no spark, altho she was fun to talk to. I get a goodbye hug way off to the side (subcommunicating definitely don't try to kiss me ) and haven't heard from her since. I come to find out later she only went out with me "cuz it might be fun but wasn't expecting fireworks." Pros: - slight confidence boost from getting a date with a very attractive chick Cons: - I alluded to this in another thread, but I still don't understand the point of even going on a date with someone with whom you aren't "expecting fireworks." I date people cuz I see potential, not because I want something to do. In related news, a huge part of my identity has come from being in LTRs. Being single FUCKING SUCKS ASS. "Hey, it's Falconer, that guy is awesome. He always has good relationships with cool women." It's part of who I was. I didn't have to deal with the bullshit of dating because for some reason I was also "above" that. I always had someone to do things with (concerts, museums, weddings, dates, movies, cooking dinner, snuggling, sex, lounging around all day doing nothing but loving each other's company, etc.) and that was SO FUCKING COMFORTING but not from the perspective of being needy, but from the perspective of building a life with someone. It's like crazy binary. When I'm in a LTR, I'm massively "on", which stems from the confidence of being on the path I want to be on in life and the joy of having someone to share things with. Confidence and mood and motivation improve. If this feeling was replicable with a pill I would be on it 24/7 and would be CEO of Earth by now. When I'm single, it sucks. Right now my business is kicking fucking ass and I don't even care. I have to force myself to do work every day. The only thing I enjoy at the moment is taking my dog for a walk every evening. I know most guys are like "DOOD BE SINGLE IT RULES YOU CAN DO WHATEVER AND FUCK WHOEVER AND [verb] WHATEVER" but that's not how I roll. I go back and forth throughout the day between feeling ok and being massively fucking emo about my breakup. During those emo periods I alternate between a) feeling responsible, like I fucked it up, like I caused her pain, and b) being annoyed with thoughts of like "for someone who loved me sooooo much, she sure did give up easily. It's mostly a). I have identified the cause of those feelings, too: scarcity. I know it's normal to feel that way at this point, but I feel like I won't ever find someone again who: loves me in spite of my insecurities (like literally did not care about any of the stuff I don't like about myself), has everything in common, same sense of humor, who didn't have the constant need to go do shit in order to not be bored (I'm quite the homebody myself, quite honestly), who is gorgeous, who is super sexually compatible, who always wanted to make me happy, who I always wanted to make happy, whose every little quirk filled me with even more adoration, etc. I saw phenomenal potential there. It was like, everything that I hate about most hot women, she was the opposite. She wasn't pretentious, didn't like guidos, wasn't a golddigger, wasn't stupid, etc. In the past I've had some of those things with some women, and others with other women, but never all at once. So when I have thoughts of "yeah, I fucked that up" it really, really sucks. So I try to convince myself that it wasn't me who fucked it up. She has bad communication skills (altho I feel like she did try) and wasn't willing to stick with me through absolute thick and thin. Notice I didn't mention even one PUA term in this post, despite the fact that I'm 99.9% sure that everything can be summed up in one sentence: "Her interest level dropped and that's why we broke up." 99.9% sure because 0.1% of the time it's actually something like the chick legitimately being afraid of things not working out, but 99% of the time that line is bullshit because if the chick really felt that way, she would try super fucking hard to make things work, not withdraw. You know what's ironic? It's ironic that in the 2.5 years we were together she was always afraid I was going to dump her. Even when we got back together last year, she was still afraid of that. One time she even said she thought I wanted to get back together just so that I could be the one to dump her It's ironic that she is the one who ended up dumping me. Twice. Cliffs: - I'm emo because I can't imagine myself being as happy and comfortable with anyone else as I was with her. It's different from when you get out of a relationship that you knew wasn't gonna work and you're like "alright, this sucks, but that's cool... I knew she wasn't right for me anyway." FUCK.