I am pretty much sick of life, a whole bunch of things led up to me making this descision, but it really hit me tonight. First off, my family does not support me one bit. I have awesome grandparents, but besides them, nobody in my family even gives a shit about me. Hell, my parents tell me on a regular basis how they wish they never had me. The other day I came home from college after getting a perfect score on all of my midterms, I figured I would let them know since they might have been proud. Their exact words were 'fuck off, we dont give a shit about your college life'. This hasnt started recently, it has been going on as long as I can remember. They used to push so hard for me to get 4.0's in high school, but I ended up doing horrible, barely graduating. Now that I am in college, I am pulling a solid 3.9gpa. I just feel like life is slipping me by. I used to have quite a few friends, but they have all married and moved away, so I am no longer in touch with any of them. Basically I hang out by myself ALOT, since I have nobody to hang out with. I have never had a real girlfriend, sure, I have had a couple flings that lasted a couple months, but I have never had anyone I could actually say I loved. I always end up either fucking everything up, or finding myself disgusted witht he girl, since I dont like people that party/drink/smoke, etc. I find it extremely hard to find someone with the same interests as me, since I am not all about sex or partying like 99% of the people these days. The ones I do find say I am too nice to date. I am quite convinced that I will never find the right one, let alone get married and start a family. I was beginning to have confidence in my photography (one of the few things I actually liked doing), but after I posted some photos earlier that I thought were good, and every single person said sucked, I began to realise how bad I suck at photography. I think tomorrow I am gonna start selling off my $15,000 worth of equipment, and give the money to a charity or something. All my family ever does is call me a fatass, hell everytime I see my mother, she mumbles it under her breath, or makes snorting noises. Ill admit I am fat, I am 5'11" and 265lbs. Everything I have tried to lose weight has failed. I hike 7 miles every other day, and do lots of hard manual labor while I am out working on the railroad, yet I have not lost a single pound, even with just eating a few slices of bread, and some water each day, just to get me by. I am not a very social person, I am pretty damn shy, and when I do start talking to people/hanging out with them, they just walk all over me. I am the one that always sits alone to study at the college, and I find myself distanced from everyone. I am always paranoid about what people will think about me, so to avoid it, I tend to just stay away from people. Anyway, figured I would rant. I am off to bed.