Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sexican, Jun 9, 2007.
getting your heart broken and stomped on sucks more than anything.
that is all.
sorry to hear such an emo post. it sucks, everyone will go through it. but pick yourself up and you will soon find someone better and be better off. it may not seem like it now since youre so emo ... but things will work out for the better
I kicked my boyfriend out a few days ago. Every day since then has been a little bit easier.
You will recover much faster than you think. and you will learn from this.
goddamn i LOVE being able to do this:
-> -> -> ->
alcohol is truth serum
Wow, so you did it!? Way to be stronger than most of the men of the forum
Hardly strength. He left me no choice.
Ouch. I'm so sorry hun.
Not going to post in that other forum 'cause i won't keep track of it there
Demontits, the point of a relationship is to add, not subtract, value from your life. If you had your choice of all men spread out before you, not having been with any of them, would you choose him? No.
You are only even considering this because you have committed so much and so many years to him; we as humans are more subject to our desire for consistency and rationalizations of our commitments and investments, than actually doing what is good for us (c.f. my posts on identity). You know Cialdini I'm sure...
Don't backwards rationalize and bullshit yourself into a corner.
Was it Heidegger who said that when one is put in a position where he has only one option, which he finds distasteful (ie your only one option is to keep your job you hate even though its awful) he will nesacarily chose to not do it simply to prove to himself that he had the freedom to do so? To prove you did not allow yourself to be backed into a corner?
About choosing him. If it was him, before februrary, yes, absolutely yes. And if I could have pre-addiction Andrew back (I know how stupid that sounds) yes again. His addiction fundementally changed him into someone I don't even fucking know. (before this, he was stunning, kinky, gave great head, and was more intelligent than 92%, exactly, of the general population )
For my own psycholgocial well being, with the help of a fellow OTer who has experience with addiction (which I don't, this is all new to me) I am trying to remeber that this is something he did to himself, not to me. He didn't start this shit to hurt me.
No matter what, I want to be his friend and help him through this. However this may end (and end it will) I want to see him on a better path than he is now, I know I don't owe it to him, but I love him and I want to see him happy.
I am asking your opinion on this: what would the issue be (I know there are issues I just want peoples take on which ones matter) with begining to date him again if he fully recovered? From what people have told me, afterwords you go back to being 'yourself.' He has never done anything else wrong to me, ever. (all the shit in the other thread I made was way off, I was seeing manifestations of his addiction which I didnt know he had, and misreading them). He started useing pain killers (which we both used to do) to self medicate his depression, he got too far into, and fell into a hole.
Pre-junky Andrew really is everything I want in a partner, and if he can recover, would it be wrong for me to forgive him? Fuck, even when he was a junky, besides the lying, he was still everything I wanted.
Edit: in case the whole thread wasn't read, he did get clean on his own about a month before I found out anything. And things were fantastic again.
I've never had a problem with drugs and never been close with anyone who has.
But I am a big believer in personal responsibility and personal growth.
If I was in a situation with a girl who so lacked internal fire that she became dependent and addicted to drugs - the drugs not necessarily being the problem, but probably a manifestation of deeper lying problems such as a lack of purpose - then the girl would be gone. I have extraordinarily high standards for a long term relationship and will not settle for anything less. And that means improving myself extensively until I can get that kind of girl.
I will NOT tolerate deep insecurity, purposelessness, worthlessness, or any of a number of other -ness-es. As far as we can tell, we are only on this earth once. I am not going to spend it in any but the best possible way. It disgusts me that people do not understand this (i hate my partner but i can't leave them...)
Now the thing is, most people don't change much. Deep, identity-level change, is fucking MOTHER FUCKING HARD. It takes A LOT of work. That's why, as a general rule, the people you knew in high school, when you see them 10 years later, they're the same people. Most people don't have the wherewithal to deeply change. it is HARD. It takes A LOT of inner power. I don't know what they do in rehab or in prison or in anywhere else. But it is HARD to wire someone to take the best out of life and make the best of themselves. I don't know if it's possible to tell who it will be until after the fact.
Seican, what happened to you?
yeah i just skimmed the thread and came across the piece where you were wondering whether to take him back. I'm not into babysitting whilst people change. And even if you do, when that's over, who are they, anyway?
As one of my lecturers on the Odyssey once said, what does it even mean to recognize someone after years and years of absence? Who are you recognizing?
Very true. It takes a fucking lot. I have seen some pretty incredible things though (lots of addicts/alchoholics in my family)
I told him, I do not want to see him for the rest of the summer (i'm on break from uni, woot) While we are sepearted, he will be going to NA, therapy, the gym, and continue seeing his rehab doc. I will be studying and spending time with my friends and my family back home in New England. If I am still interested at the end of the summer, I may start seeing him again socially, if he can show me that he is ready to be an adult, who faces his problems instead of medicating himself into a stupor, I may allow him to date me again.
He made a mistake, he is a spoiled brat who has finally been shown that no one is going to clean up his messes anymore. He made a mistake, and I think he deserves a chance to redeem himself.
He just needs to grow up. I'm 21 years old, I have been paying rent and totally supporting myself since I was 18, I have never had anyone to fall back on, so I learned to clean up after myself, and take care of myself. He hasn't. He is still a child who lives on mommys credit card and can't handle how difficult life is out from underneath his mums fat tits.
If he can grow up, groovy, if not, I will find someone better.
I love that book. I miss being in school already.
He is fundamentally a great person, everything I want in a bf (and I am bloody picky) if he can retain that, which i believe he can and drop his addiction?
We shall see
I think we have reached denial now?
Acceptance on the horizon!
I'm a lot closer to new england than I am to columbus, demontits. And I'm here all summer
-> -> -> ->
Psh Jersey. NH motherfucker! You think I'm a snobby condecending bitch, spend a weekend in NH. They would sepearte from the untion tomorrow if they could.
make sure to come visit
edit: i'll bring the heroin
i was with a girl who i felt lied to me constantly. she was bi polar and had mood swings constantly, but at the same time when we got along - she was my favorite person in the world. she made me laugh and smile like no other guy OR girl has, and i was honestly in love. she had a history of cheating a ridiculous amount and lying even more...i thought if i was nice enough and good enough to her that she would change.
what sent me over the edge last night was she went out with out me last night, didnt call or anything until this morning she text messages me "my phone dropped last night and the cover broke and i couldnt get it back on so i couldnt use my phone" not only does the excuse sound like bullshit from the beginning, but i was calling her off the hook last night and each time it rang 5-6 times and then went to voicemail. if her phone was broke and was turned off, it would of went straight to her voicemail without ringing.
anyway, i just feel like she is an emotional wreck (shes bulemic, depressed, emo and alot of other things) and i know its beginning to take a toll on MY emotions now too. i wanted things so desperately to work.
Being tied down to an emotional wreck FTL. You can try and get her into therapy, and wait it out, but I woudlnt suggest it. I know what its like to watch someone you care about destroy themselves, and want to help them.
Cut you losses and find someone in a better place.
How long have you been with her? How old is she? A lot of women grow out of eating disorders, but it finds a way to come back in some other form.
Back down canadien. She's comin' to the wide open savanah.
is that what you call your butthole?
Sorry cat, you wish. I call it my excuse to roam free on a ton of free acres of land.