I really don't know how to put this in words but here goes. I think of myself and can be known as forthcoming and honest. It's caring when I have something good to say and 'assholish' when it's not good/calling someone out. All of which I can do in a polite and calm manner. A while back it hit me that was the reason I couldn't hang out long with people. I was considered someone to be taken in small doses. I'd lose friends... mostly ones that I didn't want to lose. I'm a very realistic person and this is how I've come to see my shortcomings. What I pretty much gather up from people is that I am too nice, an asshole, boring, overwhelming, out of control. Of course I've had/have friends that know many more sides to me but they tend to be people that got past my 'front'. What I want to accomplish is to be a well-rounded person when it comes to socializing. I want to fair to all those around me without sacrificing myself. I don't want to be a people pleaser but I want to know when I'm crossing boundaries. I want to make people feel like it's worth while hanging out/chilling with me because alot of times I think people are dissapointed that I didn't happen to be entertaining or fulfill whatever expectation they had. Like I cheated or something. I have noticed that I have more normal relations with people ever since I became a social drinker so maybe my personally is repressed or inhibited? I try to become friends with people the way they are friends with other people I see but I always come up short... I don't have social anxiety, I am just seeing outcomes I don't like. I want to feel effective, expressive and fair when I'm out in the world sharing moments with people. I appreaciate any and all input. Thanks for reading.