SRS Some people think I hate them when I first meet them...help me find out why.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by onedownfiveup, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Golf | Mac | iPhone | Ubiquiti |NZB Crew OT Supporter

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    Over a few years with my friends and new friends I meet I've noticed some of them tell me later on after we are better friends that they thought I hated them when I first met them. I'm not a mean person, nor do I try to be. I think it's just how I act when I meet them. It's not intentional at all I know that. I try to be very up beat and happy to meet people when I first meet them. But a lot of times if I don't know them or anyone else I'm very quiet and unless I find something of interest to talk about I don't say much at all. For some reason in my mind if I try and keep asking questions to get to know someone or keep the conversation up I mentally think I'm going to start to annoy that person or something.

    I think this is one of my big flaws. When I'm in a group, if we aren't talking about something I'm interested in, I won't say much of anything if anything at all. I just kind of sit back an listen. I feel like if I jump in and add to the converstion I'm barging in on everyone even though I was there when the conversation started off.
     
  2. RedDawg

    RedDawg OT Supporter

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    people are perceiving this as you ignoring them = you don't like them.
     
  3. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Yeah I get that too occasionally, well, no-one's said it outright to me that they thought I hated them at first but I can tell they feel it. I'm generally very shy at first with new people and they interpret that as dislike. I'm working on it though. :o
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Asking questions is good, but also make sure you're listening to their answers. Also, as a last thing you can do to help, offer to get them something... "I'm getting another (soda/beer/snack/etc) would you like one?"

    Here's the recipe for when you meet someone new:

    -shake their hand,
    -look them in the eye,
    -ask questions,
    -listen to their answers,
    -answer their questions without going into *too* much detail (and *never* brag or "one-up" their story)
    -offer them something, and when you bring it back don't hang around.

    if you fire questions at them for 20 min it looks like you're faking.
     
  5. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Golf | Mac | iPhone | Ubiquiti |NZB Crew OT Supporter

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    That would make sense. My mind tricks me though and makes me feel as if I'm intruding or bother people when I try and talk to them if I don't even know them.

    Sweet, thanks for the info. I'm really a very nice guy, almost too nice. I guess I just become anti-social unless I meet someone that is very social and has interest in talking to me and can come up with things to talk about.
     
  6. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    But on the other hand you don't wanna meet people you don't know and start :mb: about something they may not be interested in either.
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Of course every situation is different but I found that works often. I used to travel a *lot* and had to shmooze with people...get them to like me, remember me, buy shit...that was a very light-touch approach that worked more often than not.
     
  8. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Golf | Mac | iPhone | Ubiquiti |NZB Crew OT Supporter

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    Basically small talk. I'm no where near good at small talk.
     
  9. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Just be yourself, when you meet people just say "How's it goin?" and go from there :big grin:
     

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