so last night i had a dream that i kicked this one fool off a cliff. next thing i know, I'm in free fall off a cliff so i turned and flipped the fucker who kicked me off. i never felt so betrayed, offended, confused at the same time before. so i wake and walk to the bath room to take a piss. i hit everything except the toilet and i wake up to find that the bath room scene was a dream and i was now soaked in my own piss. still warm from the fresh urine, i stumble out of bed and start dripping all over my floor... it was then i saw the padding on my walls. so i come home to this card on my bed. it's unopened and i don't recall seeing it at all before this day. I opened it to find that it is a birthday card to me but my birthday wasn't for another week. I decided to read. The card told me that this person had decided not to be my friend anymore and hadn't been my friend for a long time. This was what this person meant by telling me to forget about past memories and look forward to new ones. As i finished reading the card, i still could not decide if this was an old card from the previous year or a new card that someone had dropped off. This was my last friend. I felt like a dog that had been left out in the middle of butt fuck no where. How could it be that everyone can move on so quickly? where the fuck was I during all of this? Probably at work. You see that's my problem. I was probably at work with my own mind.... trying too many things for my own good... oh well this is life. Fucked up. i caught myself just before i was going to have another nightmare last night. i still woke up in a cold sweat. my room never looked so big and dark. I felt shadows staring me down as if waiting for me to exhale. the wind was blowing outside and i could hear my hard drive spin up. wtf? they're coming for me.. i wrap myself up in my blanket and just kept thinking, "they won't see me if I can't see them" it'll be okay! holy shit i can feel that breathing on my neck.... oh shit oh shit oh... wait wtf i'm in a dream again... fucking slap yourself and wake up!! so.. i wake up in a cold sweat again.... im sorry for all that this heart has caused. cursed be those who lay paths unto my soul for they will never find that which they seek. blessed are those who stay the fuck away as far as the east is from the fucking west. the moon looked so big that night when i felt myself let go. letting go was the easy part.. at least easier than keeping yourself from going back... i'll never go back to a life... im scared of what i'll do, if i find out i have testicular cancer. perhaps i'll buy some makeup and move to korea. and so the end comes again too late. I've changed my mind about living 'til another time. Maybe this is the way things were meant to be... maybe it was my choice... maybe there was a glitch in the matrix. Who da fuck is messing with my code? So I wake up to again find myself stuck in this useless body. WTF does a guy nucca have to do? With every breath I breathe in, I'm hoping maybe the next exhale will be my last. Thoughts of my life past me by, and it's the longest fucking show I've ever seen yet gone in a flash. Oh shit I better brake, there's a huge muther fucking truck merging in to my lane. I shat my pants. Great, just fucking great. Another great fucking start to another ya fucking hoo day.