SRS Sponsor

Maxie

New Member
Feb 22, 2011
42
Hey everyone,

I am just a little over 6 months clean and sober. I am having a hell of a time trying to find a sponsor. Most of my meetings are men so that is difficult and when I finally related to someone, the first gent said he had not finished his steps and the second was so awesome that he is overloaded with sponsees.

So my question is this. Can I do the steps without a sponsor? I am surrounded by AA/NA friends, some have a good amount of sobriety. Are there step groups online? I just want to get started on the steps!!!!!!

Whaddya think? Whats a girl to do????
 

more off

Well-Known Member
May 29, 2004
71,317
considering the book says nothing about having/needing a sponsor it is quite possible

you just need a closed mouth friend or spiritual advisor to read your 5th step too

ive heard of people going this route

but in my experience my sponsor has saved my ass time and time again
i know i can trust him no matter what, and he's seen me grow and knows everything about me

maybe try finding some women's meetings in your area and simply let the group know you dont have a sponsor and are eager to get into your step work, i'm sure plenty of women will be there to support you.
 

Coottie

BOOMER......SOONER
OT Supporter
Jun 6, 2006
32,213
OKC
Well I'm just getting back into AA after a 5 month relapse....was sober for 16.5 years before that.

I always said that when I worked the steps without a sponsor, I wasn't really working them. I only realized that when I started working them with a sponsor.

It sounds crazy but honestly, I don't believe anyone can work the steps without a sponsor....especially someone new in sobriety.

The reason is...it's very hard to see the true nature of the things you've done because you're emotionally involved. Not only that, your way of working the steps might not be rigorous enough.

Now, if you honestly can't find any woman to help.....then by all means, get a male sponsor until a woman shows up.

I've seen a lot of women come into AA that simply don't like and don't trust other women.....so they don't want to fucking talk to them let alone ask them for help. I'm not sure if you fall into this category or not.

So.....having said all of that.....I can also say that I've never seen anyone get into trouble by working the steps too soon. I have however seen many, many people get into trouble by not working them soon enough.....so do whatever you have to do to stay sober.


Dr. Bob and Bill W. were able to stay sober by working with each other. There were no steps before them.....they just found each other, were honest with each other and tried to talk about why they were struggling with alcohol so much when others didn't struggle with it at all.

So go figure....there isn't one RIGHT way to do it. There are countless examples of people that do things outside of the norm and they are able to stay sober.

The steps are simply suggestions. They have worked for a lot of people in the world and it's believed that they will work for the majority of people in the world.


If you're like me however, my little devious, scheming mind wants me to drink again. When I'm sobering up, I don't trust my thoughts because I honestly can't tell what are thoughts that help fuel my disease and ones that don't. It's impossible for me to separate them in my mind because they sound a lot alike and therefore I need another person to help me sort them out.

Anyways, it seems like a bad thing to me if you want to work the steps but you can't because you can't find the "right" sponsor. I dunno....do what you gotta do to get and stay sober.....fuck the haters. This shit is life and death.....but you don't have to fight the fight alone.
 

D7

OT Supporter
Dec 20, 2008
6,406
I think you need another person for step work. Do you think you're using this as an excuse in your recovery?

I struggled to choose a sponsor for over 6 months as well. "Just for today" has been good enough for my recovery and its good enough for me and my outlook on my sponsor. I don't know if I'll be with her for all of my steps but I just take it day by day.

Right after I contacted my sponsor and set up sponsorship, a new lady came into my group and I felt more connected to her than my sponsor. I thought ahead to my step 5 and thought I could make it through that step easier with the newer lady but decided it doesn't matter who my sponsor is because my step work is about me and not her.
 

D7

OT Supporter
Dec 20, 2008
6,406
I forgot to mention something else ... I had a hard time choosing a sponsor based on information shared in meetings. I didn't feel like they were like me because of the specifics of my situation. I invited my sponsor to meet for coffee with the hope that she would share with me and that led to information I didn't know about her. I learn more about her each time we meet and feel more connected too.

I also branch out by inviting other ladies to coffee too. I want to know them better, its nice to have more connections within the community and its probably a good tool to keep from isolating.
 
TS
TS

Maxie

New Member
Feb 22, 2011
42
Thanks for your words of wisdom.

I do attend an NA meeting where there are more women. The AA meetings I go to, are nicknamed Maxie and the boys, it is very common for me to be the only woman. That was the issue I was/am having.

I think I will ask someone from NA.

Thanks.
 

Coottie

BOOMER......SOONER
OT Supporter
Jun 6, 2006
32,213
OKC
Thanks for your words of wisdom.

I do attend an NA meeting where there are more women. The AA meetings I go to, are nicknamed Maxie and the boys, it is very common for me to be the only woman. That was the issue I was/am having.

I think I will ask someone from NA.

Thanks.
Don't wait....just do it so that you'll be that much closer to being freed from bondage.
 

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