CREW SRS The all inclusive parenting thread v. Exhaustion/suicidal thoughts/moments of happiness

[Thumpin'Ram]

This comment right here lets me know that you probably would be more successful with a re-tool your approach. Perhaps instead of complaining about the frequency of sex, try expressing your desire to satisfy her more often. Random drive-by affection helps keep the connection in between.

Also, there is such a thing as being touched-out when you are Mom. I only had one kiddo and while nursing, I felt overwhelmed with all of the attention she needed FROM me. I have to imagine it's doubly difficult with two. Had husband approached me about needing attention FROM me, I would have shut down. We both could do better with just random affection from time to time.

We're mid-40s, but some weeks it's almost every day, some weeks it's once. I also have some other medical stuff going on that takes me out of commission for 9 or 10 days out of every 24.

I concur, he needs a new tool to satisfy his wife.

 

[Samcanadian]

This comment right here lets me know that you probably would be more successful with a re-tool your approach. Perhaps instead of complaining about the frequency of sex, try expressing your desire to satisfy her more often. Random drive-by affection helps keep the connection in between.

Also, there is such a thing as being touched-out when you are Mom. I only had one kiddo and while nursing, I felt overwhelmed with all of the attention she needed FROM me. I have to imagine it's doubly difficult with two. Had husband approached me about needing attention FROM me, I would have shut down. We both could do better with just random affection from time to time.

We're mid-40s, but some weeks it's almost every day, some weeks it's once. I also have some other medical stuff going on that takes me out of commission for 9 or 10 days out of every 24.

I think at this point (and we got to this point in our conversation last night) it's more of a situation where we don't spend enough time with just each other and have basically devoted ourselves too much to either work or our kids and have forgotten each other a little along the way...and obviously COVID and the complications there with not being able to go out and do things the way we used to has taken a toll as well. The sex thing has never been a huge issue for either of us but it's been REAL low lately (we're talking 2-3x a month) and I figure that if I'm upset about it I should just vocalize it rather than letting it sit and having potential resentment build. The drive by affection thing you mentioned is what I've been trying but admittedly have sort of had my feelings hurt a little when there's not much reciprocation. Anyway, we hashed it all out last night and agreed to a lot of things that we'd try to help improve the situation and then banged it out before going to sleep, so I feel good about where we're going now. Another thing we both talked about is how we're still pretty happy and how this isn't something that's ruining our lives, but I've always been the type to get out in front of something before it becomes a problem and I think this was one of those times where something needed to be said.

 

[Thumpin'Ram]

u Sam

 

[Simple]

This comes up from time to time in our relationship, happens on both ends tbh. It comes down to communicating needs and desires and to a degree both people putting effort into making it work. It’s a tough subject to talk about though and I agree with @DasVWBabe that how you approach it is probably more important than anything else

 

[Colleen]

OMG Ben slept all night. I finally got a full night's sleep.

you bastards that have a kid that sleeps through the night really early are so fucking lucky. he's almost 8 months and it's been an uphill battle of waking up anytime between 1am and 5am.

My friend had sleeping issues with her boys and did the sleep training thing, she said it was 100% worth the few grand it cost for the girl to come over and show her methods.

 

[Colleen]

So how much sex are other mid-30's couples with kids having these days? Wife and I kind of got into it last night. She stays at home with the kids and I go to work, and I was complaining because we don't have a ton of sex anymore. She was pointing to the fact that it's probably a bit of a lull in our marriage, and that a lot of other people in our situation are probably going through the same thing. Just out of curiosity, I was wondering how frequently you other parents are boning these days. Naturally, the conversation/argument ended in sex so we're all good again but I did express my concern that it's part of a healthy relationship and we should be careful not to let it get away from us.

Good on you for pointing it out and being aware of it, but also remember us women are built different than you guys. I think like everyone we have had our weeks of sex everyday and we just cant seem to get enough... to weeks where were tired and too burnt out for sex. You have to give her a bit of a break as most of us are going through life with all these stresses that does effect our sex drive.

Right now were everyday, but last week with us being sick it was every 2-3days. (for sex, not oral otherwise its max two days) When I had a kid breast feeding though I had zero interest in sex, and for me it was to get him off, not myself. for me being around a baby all day did not make me want to go have sex, it was the same old boring and most days I was covered in poop or puke. Of course I did love being at home with the boys, but its just not the same as getting dressed and feeling like you have purpose and can talk to other adults.

If you want it, then show her you want her and that shes not just a mom or baby maker... have a night out if you have friends/family that can watch the kids... or just put the kids to bed, run the bath and have a night to yourselves if thats possible lol

 

[Colleen]

This comment right here lets me know that you probably would be more successful with a re-tool your approach. Perhaps instead of complaining about the frequency of sex, try expressing your desire to satisfy her more often. Random drive-by affection helps keep the connection in between.

Also, there is such a thing as being touched-out when you are Mom. I only had one kiddo and while nursing, I felt overwhelmed with all of the attention she needed FROM me. I have to imagine it's doubly difficult with two. Had husband approached me about needing attention FROM me, I would have shut down. We both could do better with just random affection from time to time.

We're mid-40s, but some weeks it's almost every day, some weeks it's once. I also have some other medical stuff going on that takes me out of commission for 9 or 10 days out of every 24.

This. so much this.


also Im in the same boat with the medical stuff, seems like every few months my body doesnt like im on birth control everyday and still wants to give me my period. Unfortunately my medical issues means painful sex and so its a few days of just oral

 

[The Grand Inquisitor]

Having babies does uhm, interesting things to your sex life

 

[The Grand Inquisitor]

In other news, little toddleroni is now in the climbing phase, I guess

according to wife, she looked away for ten seconds, and the baby was standing on top of her little stool

an hour later climbed and sat in my reading chair in about five seconds of being unsupervised

 

[Samcanadian]

The weird thing is that we're very in sync and have really great sex when we do...which is weird, because I felt like if she was going through the motions and not enjoying it, it'd be a little more obvious. It seems like she'll never initiate, which I don't mind doing...but I always sort of run the risk of getting rejected and since I'm a total bitch this sort of wears away at me when it happens too often. I can't even imagine having sex 3-4 times a week tbh. I don't think we were having that much sex even as newlyweds.

 

[8legs]

So how much sex are other mid-30's couples with kids having these days? Wife and I kind of got into it last night. She stays at home with the kids and I go to work, and I was complaining because we don't have a ton of sex anymore. She was pointing to the fact that it's probably a bit of a lull in our marriage, and that a lot of other people in our situation are probably going through the same thing. Just out of curiosity, I was wondering how frequently you other parents are boning these days. Naturally, the conversation/argument ended in sex so we're all good again but I did express my concern that it's part of a healthy relationship and we should be careful not to let it get away from us.

Right now we're considering prepping another bedroom for kiddo when he transitions to bed rather than crib. It's closer to the bathroom he'll be using for potty training, too. His room right now is attached to ours with a door. Perfect for having a nursery, but since he's incredibly aware of things, not so great for feeling like we have enough privacy. The days of getting some time to ourselves before he wakes up is kinda gone and we're so tired we're not waking up early to handle it. We are in the lull, but we are still paying attention to each other. It does feel lonely, but we talk about it and how we're doing, how we're going to handle it, etc.

 

[JohnnyBeagle]

bb beagle is 1

 

[DasVWBabe]

View attachment 188787

bb beagle is 1

They are so adorable! Happy 1st bday bb Beagle!

Did you have the same designer that did @michael's daughter's bdays?

 

[Colleen]

The weird thing is that we're very in sync and have really great sex when we do...which is weird, because I felt like if she was going through the motions and not enjoying it, it'd be a little more obvious. It seems like she'll never initiate, which I don't mind doing...but I always sort of run the risk of getting rejected and since I'm a total bitch this sort of wears away at me when it happens too often. I can't even imagine having sex 3-4 times a week tbh. I don't think we were having that much sex even as newlyweds.

My husband played that game with me in the summer to show me how it feels to be rejected for whatever reason. Feels bad man

 

[JohnnyBeagle]

They are so adorable! Happy 1st bday bb Beagle!

Did you have the same designer that did @michael's daughter's bdays?

I think all the background decor came from Amazon

The cake from some local bakery with a "make it unicorn theme and go wild" instructions

 

[DasVWBabe]

I think at this point (and we got to this point in our conversation last night) it's more of a situation where we don't spend enough time with just each other and have basically devoted ourselves too much to either work or our kids and have forgotten each other a little along the way...and obviously COVID and the complications there with not being able to go out and do things the way we used to has taken a toll as well. The sex thing has never been a huge issue for either of us but it's been REAL low lately (we're talking 2-3x a month) and I figure that if I'm upset about it I should just vocalize it rather than letting it sit and having potential resentment build. The drive by affection thing you mentioned is what I've been trying but admittedly have sort of had my feelings hurt a little when there's not much reciprocation. Anyway, we hashed it all out last night and agreed to a lot of things that we'd try to help improve the situation and then banged it out before going to sleep, so I feel good about where we're going now. Another thing we both talked about is how we're still pretty happy and how this isn't something that's ruining our lives, but I've always been the type to get out in front of something before it becomes a problem and I think this was one of those times where something needed to be said.

COVID has broken so many relationships. Good for you for addressing it.

I relate and it sucks to have that conversation because someone's feelings always end up being hurt. But, it's important to stress your desire for equilibrium and shared joy despite the fact that sometimes these conversations can have an unintended "you're not keeping up your end of the bargain" tone to them.

Just from hearing the other side of it ad nauseam, women almost always recoil at the "we're not having enough sex" commentary because even though you're not intending to, it can appear to be placing blame squarely on her shoulders because most women have been raised with the "keeper of the castle" mentality regarding sex. Thankfully the last couple of decades have helped to de-stigmatize women and how we approach sex. Yes, if we're satisfied, we'll keep wanting it. Sometimes, other factors and mounting stress get in the way.

For us, we were all 3 together, every single day, from the day school shut down in March 2020 until she went back to school in May 2021. I felt like a weight had been lifted and finally felt like moving toward myself again once we got some time to be alone during the day, even if it was a work day. COVID almost broke me. I was a month or two away from making seriously bad decisions.

I think all the background decor came from Amazon

The cake from some local bakery with a "make it unicorn theme and go wild" instructions

Ummm, sir. That's mermaid theme.

 

[TheBoyWonder]

Took my boy to the pool today for the first time. He loved it.

Gearing up for #2 in 3 months.

 

[Samcanadian]

COVID has broken so many relationships. Good for you for addressing it.

I relate and it sucks to have that conversation because someone's feelings always end up being hurt. But, it's important to stress your desire for equilibrium and shared joy despite the fact that sometimes these conversations can have an unintended "you're not keeping up your end of the bargain" tone to them.

Just from hearing the other side of it ad nauseam, women almost always recoil at the "we're not having enough sex" commentary because even though you're not intending to, it can appear to be placing blame squarely on her shoulders because most women have been raised with the "keeper of the castle" mentality regarding sex. Thankfully the last couple of decades have helped to de-stigmatize women and how we approach sex. Yes, if we're satisfied, we'll keep wanting it. Sometimes, other factors and mounting stress get in the way.

For us, we were all 3 together, every single day, from the day school shut down in March 2020 until she went back to school in May 2021. I felt like a weight had been lifted and finally felt like moving toward myself again once we got some time to be alone during the day, even if it was a work day. COVID almost broke me. I was a month or two away from making seriously

Ummm, sir. That's mermaid theme.

Thanks for your input. It's much appreciated

 

[Jinx]

This comment right here lets me know that you probably would be more successful with a re-tool your approach. Perhaps instead of complaining about the frequency of sex, try expressing your desire to satisfy her more often. Random drive-by affection helps keep the connection in between.

Also, there is such a thing as being touched-out when you are Mom. I only had one kiddo and while nursing, I felt overwhelmed with all of the attention she needed FROM me. I have to imagine it's doubly difficult with two. Had husband approached me about needing attention FROM me, I would have shut down. We both could do better with just random affection from time to time.

We're mid-40s, but some weeks it's almost every day, some weeks it's once. I also have some other medical stuff going on that takes me out of commission for 9 or 10 days out of every 24.

dude, the being "touched out" is fucking REAL.

 

[JohnnyBeagle]

COVID has broken so many relationships. Good for you for addressing it.

I relate and it sucks to have that conversation because someone's feelings always end up being hurt. But, it's important to stress your desire for equilibrium and shared joy despite the fact that sometimes these conversations can have an unintended "you're not keeping up your end of the bargain" tone to them.

Just from hearing the other side of it ad nauseam, women almost always recoil at the "we're not having enough sex" commentary because even though you're not intending to, it can appear to be placing blame squarely on her shoulders because most women have been raised with the "keeper of the castle" mentality regarding sex. Thankfully the last couple of decades have helped to de-stigmatize women and how we approach sex. Yes, if we're satisfied, we'll keep wanting it. Sometimes, other factors and mounting stress get in the way.

For us, we were all 3 together, every single day, from the day school shut down in March 2020 until she went back to school in May 2021. I felt like a weight had been lifted and finally felt like moving toward myself again once we got some time to be alone during the day, even if it was a work day. COVID almost broke me. I was a month or two away from making seriously

Ummm, sir. That's mermaid theme.

Sorry, the other kid is unicorn, this one was mermaid lol

 

[kwhitelaw]

COVID has broken so many relationships. Good for you for addressing it.

I relate and it sucks to have that conversation because someone's feelings always end up being hurt. But, it's important to stress your desire for equilibrium and shared joy despite the fact that sometimes these conversations can have an unintended "you're not keeping up your end of the bargain" tone to them.

Just from hearing the other side of it ad nauseam, women almost always recoil at the "we're not having enough sex" commentary because even though you're not intending to, it can appear to be placing blame squarely on her shoulders because most women have been raised with the "keeper of the castle" mentality regarding sex. Thankfully the last couple of decades have helped to de-stigmatize women and how we approach sex. Yes, if we're satisfied, we'll keep wanting it. Sometimes, other factors and mounting stress get in the way.

For us, we were all 3 together, every single day, from the day school shut down in March 2020 until she went back to school in May 2021. I felt like a weight had been lifted and finally felt like moving toward myself again once we got some time to be alone during the day, even if it was a work day. COVID almost broke me. I was a month or two away from making seriously

Ummm, sir. That's mermaid theme.

there needs to be a heart emoji response thing that doesn't have a stupid grin for cases like this. I feel a thumbs up is also inappropriate lol

 

[Thumpin'Ram]

dude, the being "touched out" is fucking REAL.

You'd know

Ba zing

 

[Jinx]

You'd know

Ba zing

That's actually a real reason why I was finally down to get into polyamory when I did Obviously there were other factors, but it gave me a break. I didn't date anyone for a good two years after we delved into the whole thing, and when I did, my relationships tended to be long distance.

 

[Sp33dealer]

cot damn some of y’all fuck a lot lol

 

[kwhitelaw]

cot damn some of y’all fuck a lot lol

this